Husband finally admitted alcoholism

[hoodiemassive]

It’s been 20 years in the making but my dh has finally stopped lying to me about his alcoholism.

He has hidden heavy drinking throughout our relationship, only admitting to drinking when caught out. I believed he had long periods of sobriety in between but found out last night that he has just been lying about it all.

He has finally referred himself for professional support and been advised to carry on drinking until his first appointment to avoid an alcoholic seizure.

He is broken and I feel the same way. I know that if this doesn’t work, if he doesn’t get sober, we will have to separate as I can’t live like this.

We have 3 dc with additional needs and I am terrified I can’t cope on my own.

He is a lovely man and we have built a loving home together. He drinks but is not visibly drunk. He has been having 300 units per week and is scared he has damaged his health.

He does a physical job and is self-employed so there’s also a worry about how we will cope financially if he needs to take time off work. I work very part time because my middle child is disabled and needs a high level of care, so I am dependent on his wage.

I am scared and looking to hear from recovered alcoholics as to what the process of getting sober is like.

Everything just feels hopeless and I can’t see a way out.

Didn't want to read and not reply OP. I think there is a thread here for people who are supporting/living with those who are drinking. I’m on the other side and it’s still early days for me so I couldn’t comment on long term although I know it’s possible for many. And there stacks of folk here who I’m sure will come to show you this.
But that’s a huge amount of units and glad he’s sought medical advice. I’ve also seen others recommend Al-anon.
What I would say is to look after yourself and your children’s needs first. It’s up to him to put the work in not you. And you’ve been living with this a long time. Don’t feel guilty for doing what’s right for you.

Thanks so much for replying - what you’ve said about doing what’s right for me makes so much sense. I have reached out to a friend and I think that’s what she was trying to tell me too.

I feel sort of empty inside but that might just be because it’s given me a bit of a shock to find out the truth. Usually I am a decisive person but I just don’t know how to handle this situation

Good luck with your recovery xx

Hi OP, pop over here, there’s lots of people who have or have had alcoholics in their life with lots of great support, encouragement, advice and empathy.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5418536-support-group-for-those-affecteed-by-someone-elses-drinking-thread-3?page=12&reply=148797409

In terms of success stories, I have seen lots of people get sober with the help of treatment, community (like an AA) and hard work. Your husband has every chance of being one of them and has now taken positive first steps. You should focus on looking after you and your children and let the professionals take the reins on helping him.

He's clearly a very long term alcoholic and if you weren't aware that he was drinking 300 units a week, @hoodiemassive it's highly likely that you've become conditioned to living with and around an alcoholic. I would really encourage you to engage with AlAnon who support those affected but someone else's drinking. This will be good support for you. It will also help you to think about how to support, but not rescue your H and to become clearer about your own boundaries around his addiction.

I have just posted on the thread as suggested, it looks really supportive which is exactly what I need right now.

I think I am conditioned to living with alcohol - my Dad was an alcoholic throughout my childhood and wrecked everything. He was aggressive and I learnt to live with fear and alcoholism.

The only positive I can find is dh isn’t aggressive, he is kind and gentle which has made disguising alcohol consumption easier.

I can’t believe I didn’t know he’s an addict, it just seems crazy to me (and those who have been kind enough to post on here, thank you.)

I feel so empty at the moment and fearful of the future.

The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Al-anon is a good shout out.

He has now engaged with recovery services and is getting help to detox.

I am preparing for his failure because I think I’ve been in denial for a very long time and I want to be realistic.

My Dad gave up drinking eventually after years of attempts and I just thought dh would be the same. Very, very naive of me I know.

im in a similar situation OP

I am sorry to hear you are going through this - living with an alcoholic is very hard.
As a pp suggested, please go to Al Anon - you will find help and support from people who have been through or are going through the same.