Its getting out of hand... i know.

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Long story short, i have an issue with alcohol.
I wouldnt say i am an alcoholic. I can go extended periods of time without touching a drop....my issue is once i do, i dont stop.
I have a family, a child... and this needs to stop. Im fed up of the mundane..."ive had a bad day" " today was tough" " lets celebrate". I need to add, im not "drunk" around my child, that being said i do drink around them. I do not hide it. W ehave a routine and we stick to it.
I work and hold down a job i enjoy.
Im not sure what im asking for, i know its a problem even though i down play it.... i drank as a teen, usual weekend drinking. But know this can span weeks long drinking, but because i still tick the boxes and cross the i's ive told myself this is okay. I know im not happy in my over all life, ive settled but not truely happy.
I feel oblidged to add, my family have an issue with alcohol, numerious alcholics...my dad being one until recent years whom went tee total over night.
The worst of it is....it doesnt make me feel better .. i feel worse. The alcohol blocks everything out. I used to be able to hold my alcohol well....i dont think this is now the case. I chase the buzz, the forgetfulness. Im suddenly a middle ages women, whom has fears, not for myself, they are centred around my child.
Im asking for nothing, judge me all you like...but please hold me accountable, because without that...nothing will change. and i need change.

Lots of us get to this point. Sounds like it's time for you to stop completely. You won't regret it. It will be hard but totally worth it.

I know that you won’t accept this, but you are an alcoholic. Going extended periods without drinking doesn’t mean that you’re not an alcoholic. It means that you’re an alcoholic who binge drinks. Please accept this, get help and use that help. Otherwise you will lose everything.

You're deeply unhappy. Alcohol helps you ignore that for a while but you're still deeply unhappy when you drink. I'd imagine you are in denial about a lot of things. Having an alcoholic parent is difficult.

I’d recommend trying an AA meeting. You say you’re not an alcoholic but you’ve just said about 5 common phrases many alcoholics say when they’re still in denial. I’m an alcoholic… I could go months without a drink and then I’d drink and couldn’t stop and the consequences got worse and worse each time. Then I’d stop again for months. Being able to abstain doesn’t mean you’re not an alcoholic. If your drinking is having a negative effect on you and/or those around you and you find it hard to abstain forever then you are an alcoholic.

Id recommend a meeting and complete abstinence. We’ve all been where you are. It’s hard. It gets easier every week without drinking and life becomes good again.

By its very nature, alcohol makes you want more of it once you start drinking, it’s not some weakness on your part that you can’t stop once you start.

It’s terrible for mental health, it takes about a week for everything to stabilise after drinking. I can see why you want to stop, I think it’s a good idea. Good luck x

This is why the term alcoholic isn't very helpful and alcohol use disorder is the preferred.

I don’t think this is accurate or helpful. I would class op as someone who has a problem with drink in that she realises it’s not serving her well but does it anyway. Not an alcoholic. Although addiction comes in many forms I would say true alcoholism often involves people who simply cannot stop drinking and are physically dependent on alcohol and need to be weaned off it. If op often goes long stints without it then this isn’t her.

Anyway without getting bogged down in terminology, well done for recognising you have to make changes op. It can be hard to give up something that you’ve previously associated with comfort and enjoyment. It’s like your brain is tricking you into thinking it’ll be great to drink, it’ll be fun, it’ll make you forget your troubles. But as you know now from experience it doesn’t work like that. Retraining your brain and developing new habits isn’t easy but it can be done.

I agree with this. Good luck 👍

Honestly if you really do go through extended periods of being sober, then you know just how good it is to be sober.

No one can make you do it but you, getting sober was the best thing I ever did - and as much as I still would love a drink sometimes, the feeling of not doing it and still having a good time is so much better the next day.

I am an alcoholic though. Every day without alcohol is a blessing for me and I wish I could bottle the feeling and give it to you - just think how good you felt when you wasn't drinking, I bet you was a better version of yourself. Be her. You can do it & you deserve to be her.

Let the dark cloud of alcohol go, it's doing you no good.

On a more personal note, and I really really hate to admit this and say what I'm about to say. Trust me. But you say you drink around your children, and I did too, and I didn't think it was doing them any harm at all, everyone drinks. My family is a big drinking family. I never saw no harm.

Until I got sober, that's when my (at the time 14) year old opened up to me and told me just how concerned and worried he had been, and that he had been speaking to his tutor at school about alcohol and worried that I would die early etc etc. He never wanted to mention it to me because 'everyone does it'

And my 7 year old told me around 3 months in how much happier I seem these days - I didn't even know I was miserable - but that is how I came across to my boys.

You may think it doesn't or won't affect them, but you actually really don't know.

Thanks for all the responses.
I would not call myself an alcoholic. I do not need alcohol to get me through a day etc. I can go periods of days/weeks without drinking. My issue is im either all in or all out.
I dont like how alcohol has become a reward for something going right or a pick me up after a bad day.

Yep I said all that too. I agree with an above poster that alcohol use disorder is a better word for it than alcoholism.

But the nitty gritty of the words doesn’t really matter. It’s harming your life, it’s harming your children’s life. So it’s time to give it up. I know it seems really sad to have to give it up when other people don’t have to… but I promise eventually you’ll love being sober and you’ll look around and find alcohol culture horrifying.

Did you know that drinking alcohol literally damages and rearranges your DNA?

And that the body gives up on using food for energy when you drink (because it’s focused on using the alcohol) so it sends all the calories you eat straight to fat storage?

There is 0 upside and 0 benefits to drinking alcohol.

I absolutely am intending to give it up all together. I just didnt want to come on here and say thats it im never drinking again. Not sure why but didnt want to make it a " big declaration".
So for now its one day at a time 😊

I wouldn’t get too hung up on what you call yourself. You have a drinking problem by the sounds of it. I didn’t drink every day or all day. I had a big successful career, happy family, rarely visibly drunk around my children, never got drunk and obnoxious on nights out, could easily do Dry January and Sober October. I’m an alcoholic. My Dh, who drinks like 2-3 beers on a weekend evening and then switches to fizzy water cannot do Dry January btw! He’s not an alcoholic, even though he can’t go more than a week without a drink. It’s much more about the destruction it’s causing in your life than how and when you drink.

The main thing is that you’re unhappy. It’s also taking up a lot of energy and headspace for you. I can’t tell you how much easier it is not to drink and how much better life gets. I was absolutely where you are. I stopped drinking a bit over 2.5 years ago.

My kids get a fully present version of me. I’m able to take care of them, all the time. 2am on a Saturday. 6am on a Sunday. I’m there and dependable. I can pick anyone up at anytime of the night. I can safely get us home from places. We plan our holidays around fun instead of what pub to go to or being home to start drinking. Alcohol doesn’t take up headspace. I don’t worry about when I can drink or if I’ll be hungover or if I said something ridiculous or what if we run out of wine. I have time and money I didn’t used to have (last I calculated, it’s been something like £9000 I haven’t spent on alcohol in the past few years!). I’ve lost over a stone with no effort whatsoever.

It really does get better. You just have to keep going. Have you read any books? The sober diaries or the unexpected joy of being sober may resonate. A group like Bee Sober or other support groups online might help.

Thankyou for this. Ill look up your recommendations.
Im not labeling myself - ive stated its an issue, one that ive been thinking more about. So now is the time i act on it and make changes.
Social events wont even be that hard in the grand scheme of things as i was often driving, had plans the next day etc so wouldnt drink. I dont drink at all when driving.

This was me!! I read a ton of books, audiobooks and podcasts about booze and giving it up and I’d suggest The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober I did abstain for a long long time and then started again! I now have a better relationship with alcohol and it’s changed my life in many many ways!

I also sat in on all few smart recovery meetings online and these helped as well as I didn’t want to go to AA!

Lots of us have been there, and probably more people you know have been there than you realise.

A few things that helped me were unpicking why I was so unhappy. It took me a long time to realise that the reason I was drinking was because I wasn’t happy. I haven’t been able to fully address all those issues, but I can recognise them and that’s a big help.

Also, not picking up that first drink. So many times I would come home after a bad day (or a good day!) and just reach for a glass of wine. But when I made myself leave it for half an hour and I told myself that I could still have it then if I wanted, more often than not I wasn’t fussed later on and didn’t bother.

And finally, the sassy sober mum podcast. It is so relatable and I really enjoyed listening to it on my commute to work or just when I was driving somewhere.