This has prob been posted 100x, but when do we consider stopping the "sesh"?

[AmzMcl]

I should be at the stage where all my friends are getting married and having children... but none of us are. So we just meet up every weekend and hit the sesh. It's great fun and I don't really suffer hangovers, but it's started to spill into weekdays. I'm still going to work but I'm only 10% there. What has been peoples tell tale sign that something needs to change? Iv done sober october and it felt boring. It's such a social thing that I worry I won't have the same contact?

How old are you?

Early 30s

Early 30s

Early 30s

I think if this is on your mind at 3.20 a.m. it’s probably a sign you’re seeing a need to change tbh.

Tbf I am jet lagged, but you're prob right. Unsure if you can comment, but how do you get over the social aspect of drinking and hitting the sesh?

In groups like this it often shifts significantly for the non-children people when the settling down folk peel off and shift the vibe imo.

Not unreasonable to be feeling that now though. Could you occasionally make it food related? Club together to make a regular big Sunday meal get-together and walk with your friends instead of a sesh. Can still involve alcohol if wanted, but it's not the main event. Others might actually feel the same but nobody wants to say.

I love the sound of this, but I know if I suggested a sober night that it would be a 1 time thing (and they'd prob still be bring drink). If you don't mind me asking, and this might not be relevant to you, but how do I know if it's a problem or just fun?

I think every weekend is a bit much in your 30s. There's no need to totally stop having nights out though!
Why not cut down to twice a month for now?
I get the FOMO can be hard.. but really at this age you've got to prioritise your health.
I think it's about finding something else tk do on the weekends you want to stay aober.. and finding some like minded people to do that with. It may take some time and feel awkward at first.. but is there anything you particularly like to do? See? Visit?
I do stuff like hiking, going to see a film, going to talks on whatever.. there's a local film group a go to once a month to talk about films.
I think it's just a matter of branching out into non partying stuff.
Keep some of the getting wasted with your mates occasionally but make efforts to try new sober things and meet new people.

Have you found "cutting down" worked? I love your response, makes me feel capable. I'm just concerned on how it would go ...

Can’t you just drink less at these activities? Alternate alcohol and other drinks or just decide on a limit and stick to it.

I think if you’re asking this, you’e now ready and needing a change x .

This is my struggle. It all or nothing

Do other things too. Meet new people who share a hobby, join a running/craft/music/gym/film etc club. I know plenty of people who don’t drink at all or not much, who know loads of people and are out and involved in things all the time, genuinely. Your life isn’t over if you drink less/don’t drink.
You asked how you know it’s a problem or just fun. You might find Drinkaware or AA a useful place to look or a checklist like this https://www.priorygroup.com/blog/signs-youre-drinking-too-much.

Why is it spilling into weekdays?

are you now drinking most nights?

if your only taking 10% of yourself to work, work are going to get annoyed if they’re not already and it will impact your job and career plans.

in our group we did all have kids by this point but most weekends prior to that were Saturday was party night, occasionally Friday too, during the day it was house and garden stuff and Sunday nights we played badminton so no one really drank.

It will start to shift organically, but the fact your asking the questions does indicate it could be a problem. Could you start to do a sport one night over the weekend so the focus is not on the drinks.

What is there in your life, other than getting pissed with your mates? You aren’t committed at work, you don’t have children. Do you have any hobbies? Have you got a partner and do you spend time just with them?

Are you planning to have children? If yes, then your life will change pretty radically anyway.

i have a friend who didn’t want to do anything other than get totally bladdered and do stupid stuff every time we met. She never grew out of her student party mindset and tbh that got boring. I did suggest going for food and theatre once and she did it but I could tell she’d much rather just go to the pub and get drunk.

This is my struggle. It all or nothing
maybe you can work on that? Alternate alcohol / water?

Where do you want to be in ten years? What do you want your life to look like? Because at some point continuing to drink like this becomes a problem.

If it wasn’t for the fact that it sounds like you might be having unhealthy amounts of booze I’d say crack on. If everyone is happy and having fun, not getting into danger or debt and no children are being neglected where’s the harm?

You’ll find you cant sustain a as you age and inevitably the group will splinter when people do get serious with a partner or become parents so its probably transient even if you don’t feel it yet.

But id maybe try work out your average weekly alcohol intake and see if you’re comfortable with the risk.

For some people, it doesn’t stop. Not even when they settle down and have kids.

I do think it’s quite normal to continue going out at the weekends when you don’t have children on the conditions it (a) does not impact doing things you want to do. Like training for that half marathon or learning yoga or whatever you would otherwise do on the weekends, and (b) it’s not negatively impacting you in terms of work and finances and relationships.

That said, I’m in my mid 40s (I’m sober btw) and I have school mum friends who are still getting drunk every weekend, doing coke and losing half their stuff all messed up at festivals.

Honestly, you do something different when you’re bored of it and ready for a different life. I find going to the pub incredibly boring. My mantra is if you have to drink to enjoy something you don’t really enjoy it. If you can’t go to the pub with friends and hang out and have a coffee, it’s not actually fun. Go find something and new friends you’d actually enjoy spending time with.

The fact that you call it ‘hitting the sesh’ would be enough for me to rein it in. Also, it’s a bit tragic to go out and get pissed every weekend when you’re in your 30s.

If it’s all or nothing, then I’d say it was a problem.

Can you do other social activities - hillwalking, sports matches, cycling, theatre, cinema, bowling, bouldering, golf, exhibitions, concerts - where drinking is secondary to the main event?

The sessions started to reduce in frequency when people started having children but still happened from time to time. What I've noticed though is now that most of the kids are teens or young adults, the drinking seems to be increasing in frequency again amongst some people I know. To be honest, the people who want to hit the booze hard will find a way to incorporate it whatever activity you try and plan. You can't change them. It's easy to get swept along with them or very boring hanging out with drunk people if you don't. Agree with PPs who say that you need to branch out and find people

I think you need to replace this during the week with a spin class or something