Please some advice

[Irishblonde]

My heart is absolutely broken I don't know what to do any advice would be appreciated, my husband is an alcoholic, he admits it himself, when he's not drinking he is the nicest person you will ever meet , but when he is drinking he is a monster, I had to phone the police on him the other night, it's the last thing I wanted to do but he was very drunk and he had a drill he said he was going to put the drill to my head , the police came and arrested him , he was in court and has been denied bail , he never actually put his hands on me but I was so scared , this is the second time he has been violent the first time was over 18 months ago when he give me a black eye he was drunk as well and couldn't even remember it the next day , he never went to prison for that ,I know everyone will think I'm a fool but I love this man with all my heart , I can't help it but I do , I want to drop the charges,I don't want to be without him I just want him to get help with his alcohol as we are so happy when he's sober , I'm not allowed to talk or get in touch with him , I never wanted things to go this far and I don't want to be without him please don't judge me but any advice would be welcome I'm just hoping that the judge will help him with him addiction , also has anyone else been in this situation? Thank you for reading

You lost me at the part about putting a drill to your head. Take a very big deep breath and move on with your life without him.

I have advice but you won’t like it.

You need to see this as the perfect time to get that abusive drunk out of your life.
Your husband isn’t a nice man. Alcohol doesn’t replace a personality, it lets the real one out.

How many other nice people do you know who get drunk and threaten to hold a drill to someone’s head or give them a black eye? I would guess none.

In this case the judicious system is taking care of your welfare. Be grateful. Go to therapy to work out why you think living with a dangerous man is your idea of happiness.

Are you in England or Wales? If so the decision to charge or drop charges isn't yours.

Sorry I meant to say I'm in northern Ireland

You need to leave him hun. The judge won’t help him with his addiction-no one can do that apart from himself. And you can’t help him quit booze-no matter what he says -this is his stuff to sort not yours.

He threatened your life.Thats not a man who loves you or who you can plan a future with.Life’s too short to waste time on this-there will be someone else for you who doesn’t hurt you and your heart will mend.

It hurts I know. I had a very similar situation with an alcoholic years ago( tho he didn’t threaten me). I left(eventually-like you I really loved him and kept convincing myself that he would get and stay sober) was heartbroken and later met and married someone else.The man I left has had several girlfriends and kids -none of whom he can support because he can never hold down a job.He's been in trouble with the police.His family have disowned him.I tell you this because this is a well worn path with alcoholics.There are a few who truly get sober and stay sober but the majority dont( I was in AlAnon for 3 years whilst he was in AA-and he still went back to the alcohol after 3 years sobriety-that’s the point at which I left) It’s sad -but for you it’s avoidable.

Tell your friends and family-don’t be embarrassed - get them to support you. File for divorce. Don’t drop the charges.The next few months will be tough but long term it is the only way to go.