I’m honestly at the end of my rope with my mum’s drinking. She’s alcohol-dependent and lies about it constantly. I’m just so sick of it — the deceit, the excuses, and the endless “poor me” attitude. Everything is always about her. It’s exhausting. Also an aunt revealed some things about my childhood that I did not know and I am really hurt by it.
She has loads of health issues, but they’re all down to the drinking. If she could just give herself six months away from alcohol, it would make such a difference — physically and mentally. But she won’t. She’s stuck in this cycle of self-destruction, and I don’t know how much longer I can keep watching it.
To make matters worse, my aunt’s been telling me she’s now missing days at work. My aunt drives past her house in the mornings and sees her car there, yet Mum tells me she’s “at work.” She’s going to lose her job at this rate — and she’s worked there for years. It’s like she’s just throwing her life away, bit by bit.
For context, I’ve had my own issues with alcohol. It’s been really hard, but I’ve worked at it. I’ve been sober for a while now and in counselling for a year, and it’s opened my eyes to just how chaotic my childhood was — a complete shit show, if I’m honest.
I know you can’t control someone else’s drinking. She’s an adult and can make her own choices. But I also know from experience that sometimes people need more than a gentle nudge. I ended up in hospital and was basically strong-armed into rehab by a family member (not my mum) who actually cared enough to do something drastic. And it worked — I needed that boot up the backside.
My mum, on the other hand, always said things like, “You’re not that bad,” or afterwards, “Well, I was never as bad as you, I didn’t need to go to rehab.” So while I agree that change has to come from the person themselves, sometimes the people around them have to draw a line.
I’m thinking of giving her an ultimatum — something like, “Either you stop drinking and get help, or I need to step away for my own sanity.” I don’t want to abandon her, but I can’t keep being dragged down by this.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation?