Ashamed of myself

[Madeamistake21]

I am drinking a bottle of wine with maybe an extra gin every evening. Im sick of it. I fed up with the thought entering my head during the day.
I have got terrible anxiety the next day, mostly over riding my horse, I am always thinking something will go wrong (but it never does) but I just cant shift the anxious feeling. I am now beginning to think its the alcohol doing this.
I am a single parent and feel like wine is my escape in the evenings.
I dont want to go to GP or meetings and I am sure I can do it on my own, its just changing the routine.
I want to change!

You’re not alone xx I’m the same and although I stopped wine for a while, it crept back in.
I have adhd and my days are very full, in that I don’t really allow myself any relaxation time, so by the time I’m cooking tea, the lure of the wine and it’s seductive and relaxing effect from my overactive brain, pulls me in .. I tell myself just one glass.. then it snowballs. The next day I feel ashamed , embarrassed and so cross with myself as well as anxious, upset tummy and exhausted through a bad nights sleep and palpitations.
Maybe try to schedule breaks through the day so that you’re not feeling as overwhelmed and in need of alcohol in order to wind down xxx

Don't feel ashamed OP, many of us have done stuff which is like self-sabotaging ourselves and it can be very hard to stop. Have you tried changing your routine and not having any alcohol in the house?

If I want to change what I'm doing I'll make a list of stuff I want to get done, and tick off the list (could be for example: tidy up x cupboard, get some bit of life admin done, clean out the porch - or whatever). Make the list busy so it takes your mind off drinking!

Get yourself some other soft drinks you like in - maybe different teas (I don't feel like alcohol after hot ginger and lemon tea for example).

Have a think about whether the action is drinking is triggered by anything - like sitting on the sofa at night and then avoid that - have a bath, book a massage in (depending where you life and availability obv).

After a few nights of not drinking you should start to feel better, but keep going on the diversions. Good luck!

Same here I wake in the middle of night with shame I’m just so bloody miserable at the minute and stupidly it blots out my negative thoughts making them a million times worse next day

Thank you everyone.
My routine is normally sitting on sofa in evenings reading or watching tv.

I also dont sit down all day and work 41hrs a week.
I do make lists of things to do, maybe I should do some of these in the evenings.

Does anyone else have really bad anxiety the next day?

Hi all 👋 I can't identify with the alcohol element but I do identify with the anxiety and the needing to switch off my brain at night, so I do take a (half) sleeping pill which I intermittently come off, and then, during periods of overwhelm, end up taking again. It probably gives me the same warm sedated, relaxing feel you all have via alcohol. I often feel frustrated and trapped by my intermittent dependence on it.

What has helped me massively with the anxiety/sense of impending disaster/intrusive thoughts is managing my daytime stress levels (which often i wasnt aware i had or not aware of the degree to which i had it) and thought it was only evenings i had a problem with. Our evenings/nights are absolutely shaped by our daytime and as we are fatigued by then, we dont have the same will power. I went on sertraline a few years ago and that has massively quietened my brain and daytime stress. You may ask, why the half sleeping tablet?! Well, it was ALOT worse previously resulting in physical illness, intensive therapy and chronic insomnia, and evenings were very dark. Whilst I remain very much a work in progress, I am getting there slowly.

What I'm saying is, whatever your crutch may be, addressing the root cause whether it be anxiety, depression, post traumatic stress, OCD, neuro divergence etc can be gradually phased out if the source is treated properly. The hope is that a more positive, less stressful and paced daytime means evenings arent a crash and burn event.

Sorry if this is misdirected or doesn't resonate. I didn't want to read and run.

I'm struggling not going to lie been drinking half a bottle of brandy on a night time I hadn't drank for 10 years before this I suffer with anxiety and someone said try having a brandy well I did and made me feel so much better but now it's making me feel worse I don't no what to do

I definitely used having a drink and sit down at the end of the day as an ‘arrggh switch off and relax’ tool but what would happen is I would then stay up later than I wanted, have a terrible nights sleep with anxiety and be totally anxious and overtired the next day

I give up 6 months ago and honestly it’s been the best thing I’ve ever done

I still had to have an ‘arrggh switch off and relax’ tool - initially it was an alcohol free drink - I experimented with lots of fancy cordials etc. I’d have chocolate, a take away, my favourite tea - anything really as a reward

sleep got much better, anxiety got much less, and the feeling of waking up on a weekend without having a drink and having a decent sleep is just wonderful

I miss having a drink, but not enough to outweigh the benefits I’ve felt. Over time my ‘arrggh moments’ have just become sitting down at the end of the day without the need for anything else

keep distracting yourself and good luck - enjoy the benefits and keep reminding yourself of how good they feel

You need a month off alcohol to start with, a reset, commit to 1 month. Download the try dry app to monitor yourself. Its 1st Nov on Saturday, take November off completely then consider what you want yo do in Dec, carry on or moderate. Join us on the moderating thread , some are sober, some are moderating, no judgement 😉

www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5414227-on-a-mission-to-moderate-or-absolutely-abstain-judgement-free-zone-new-thread-autumn-2025?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

Thanks I will try this what's the app called?

Try Dry app

I gave up alcohol about a year ago, from having been getting through up to three bottles of wine a week by myself, more when I was on holiday.

It is hard at first, there is no way round it, but you have to push through and form new habits. I found it helpful to buy in interesting fizzy drinks and snacks to have in the evening, instead of wine.

I still miss it sometimes, but I don't want to go back to a life of regular hangovers and anxiety.

Good luck, OP. Take it one day at a time.

Thank you for all your support ❤️ 🙏

Thank you what is the group called please and I really appreciate the reply x