Is there a cutting down app?

PerriFuckingSickOfIt · 2025-10-17T07:30:08+00:00

Partner needs to cut down. I’m wondering if there’s an app he could use to get a clearer idea of how much he’s drinking. I think he’s slightly in denial.

Onewildandpreciouslife · 17/10/2025 09:22

I find TryDry very helpful. It’s free, and enables you to track your units plus your mood, sleep etc. You can set goals if you want to (eg drink less than 14 units a week) but you don’t have to.

nowinetimeforme · 17/10/2025 10:28

Logging is a great start. Even the act of doing it helps me moderate. As you say, it's easy to be in denial. I also use Try Dry.

I don't do the mood or sleep stuff but I like that you can see how many units you've had in a month, and how many AF days. I am sure other have more features but this is sufficient for me.

mindutopia · 17/10/2025 18:51

TryDry or DrinkAware. I’ll be honest though, if he’s not already self-motivated to do it, it may not have the effect you’re hoping for.

I used DrinkAware when I was still drinking and I was always in the red (high levels of alcohol consumption). It was demotivating more than anything. And after like the 4th drink, I’d stop even counting. Who can be bothered to keep track of shots or who wants to actually admit they opened that 3rd bottle of wine? It’s very easy to lie to yourself and everyone who is a heavy drinker knows they are drinking too much.

I think it works well for people who genuinely drink around the max number of units per week just to keep count. But for the rest of us, we just tend to stretch the truth, just like at the GP or to friends and family. He has to be motivated to stop or have stretches of alcohol free days for it to give the right sort of feedback, rather than just drink counting.

Original poster

PerriFuckingSickOfIt · 17/10/2025 21:00

I hear you @mindutopia - I’m just so fed up with having the same conversations with him about how he’s going to cut down. He’s reading that book about alcohol at the moment because I pointed out to him that just saying “yeah I’ll cut down” doesn’t seem to work.
Just trying to find other ideas to help him. I need to feel useful I guess!

OP posts:

nowinetimeforme · 17/10/2025 21:20

mindutopia · 17/10/2025 18:51

TryDry or DrinkAware. I’ll be honest though, if he’s not already self-motivated to do it, it may not have the effect you’re hoping for.

I used DrinkAware when I was still drinking and I was always in the red (high levels of alcohol consumption). It was demotivating more than anything. And after like the 4th drink, I’d stop even counting. Who can be bothered to keep track of shots or who wants to actually admit they opened that 3rd bottle of wine? It’s very easy to lie to yourself and everyone who is a heavy drinker knows they are drinking too much.

I think it works well for people who genuinely drink around the max number of units per week just to keep count. But for the rest of us, we just tend to stretch the truth, just like at the GP or to friends and family. He has to be motivated to stop or have stretches of alcohol free days for it to give the right sort of feedback, rather than just drink counting.

It sounds like he doesn’t think his drinking is an issue. Why do you think it is?

Original poster

PerriFuckingSickOfIt · 18/10/2025 09:19

nowinetimeforme · 17/10/2025 21:20

It sounds like he doesn’t think his drinking is an issue. Why do you think it is?

Show quote history

He agrees it’s an issue.
But he’s very functional - nice friends, family, good job etc… so I suppose as of yet there’s been relatively few consequences - aside from his being overweight and having to sleep in the spare room because his horrendously loud snoring keeps me awake. This makes us both sad. But we need to sleep. The bad example he’s setting our kids and my constant worry about his health are also consequences.

He’s funny, kind, intelligent the life and soul of the party. But the drinking is getting old.

I want us to enjoy life when the kids leave home in a few years - not be stuck looking after an alcoholic with health issues.

I see why he drinks so heavily - he comes from a high maintenance family - everyone has had a lot of therapy. It’s how he copes with stress. But then there’s always some excuse.

Partying has also been a big part of our lives - we’ve been together a long time.
But as we age, we obviously need to reign it in or we will suffer the consequences to our health and our relationships.

He can see it’s problematic. But then is unable to get control over it. It’s upsetting and stressful to watch.

OP posts:

nowinetimeforme · 20/10/2025 10:20

PerriFuckingSickOfIt · 18/10/2025 09:19

He agrees it’s an issue.
But he’s very functional - nice friends, family, good job etc… so I suppose as of yet there’s been relatively few consequences - aside from his being overweight and having to sleep in the spare room because his horrendously loud snoring keeps me awake. This makes us both sad. But we need to sleep. The bad example he’s setting our kids and my constant worry about his health are also consequences.

He’s funny, kind, intelligent the life and soul of the party. But the drinking is getting old.

I want us to enjoy life when the kids leave home in a few years - not be stuck looking after an alcoholic with health issues.

I see why he drinks so heavily - he comes from a high maintenance family - everyone has had a lot of therapy. It’s how he copes with stress. But then there’s always some excuse.

Partying has also been a big part of our lives - we’ve been together a long time.
But as we age, we obviously need to reign it in or we will suffer the consequences to our health and our relationships.

He can see it’s problematic. But then is unable to get control over it. It’s upsetting and stressful to watch.

Show quote history

I recently read (well, listened to) Alcohol Explained. I found it really interesting and lots of people find it useful in their quest to stop drinking or drink less (although the book itself does not espouse moderation).

For moderation specifically, Adrian Chiles wrote a book called The Good Drinker. Again, I listened to it (he narrates it himself) and I really enjoyed it. If he is trying to moderate I would highly recommend this. There is also a documentary that Adrian did about his drinking - he may be similar to your DH; always a heavy drinker but never perceived it to be a problem.

Moderating when you are used to drinking a lot is hard, his brain will be literally wired different to someone who doesn't drink or drinks very little.

For me, I found I had to substitute drinking for other things. Life is pretty shit if you keep the life you had but just remove the alcohol. I enjoy exercise so I'll enjoy the benefit of not drinking the night before by getting up and going out for an early morning run. You mention he is overweight but has he ever been a keen exerciser in the past? Is there a hobby he enjoys that he could do more of if he stops drinking? As a family could you do anything that really capitalises on him drinking less?

Good luck to your DH

ETA - i've just checked and unfortunately the documentary is not in iPlayer at the moment (https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0bhkc8b) but you might be able to find online somewhere else. The book / audio book is very good though.

Original poster

PerriFuckingSickOfIt · 21/10/2025 21:42

He is reading alcohol explained. Slowly.
Thanks for the recommendation will suggest Adrian!

OP posts:

Original poster

PerriFuckingSickOfIt · 21/10/2025 21:49

Thank you @nowinetimeforme for your kind post 🙏

OP posts:

nowinetimeforme · 21/10/2025 22:41

PerriFuckingSickOfIt · 21/10/2025 21:49

Thank you @nowinetimeforme for your kind post 🙏

You’re welcome ❤️