What happens if can't access help

[redbull5]

Hi :) This is a serious question not a denial question, all or huge majority of the treatment of aud is group/talking therapy,that is a huge amount of it , if you have somebody that really struggles and in extreme with the vulnerability and even the public speaking aspect of it,even to a group of peers, where do you go? Is there a reason why group work is the biggest part of addiction work? Is it a friendship/connection thing, what if someone is quite severely social phobic/possibly autistic but is undiagnosed adult where would you start when the biggest barrier is the social/awkwardness that is stopping them the most,and saying it will be ok etc hasnt worked but the biggest barrier is what they are saying they can't overcome and can't talk and be like that, and exactly why they use it? Any thoughts? Thankyou

Hey well done for reaching out.

There’s a few autistic people in my AA group - I think it’s fairly common as alcohol is used to self medicate. In AA you don’t have to share - simply listening to others who were or are like you share their stories can help you to make huge initial steps to recovery.

There was one guy who didn’t say a word until he was about 6 months sober and now he very occasionally shares to the group.

What have you tried to stop drinking so far?

I haven't had that experience, im always encourage to share as new person and it really puts me off makes it almost impossible actually but what else except group work as I can't open up like this at all, does anyone know

You do not have to go to AA.

I'd actively encourage you to find alternatives.

AA targets vulnerable people at their most vulnerable and is full out outdated and questionable practices. It was all there was in the 1930s. We've moved on considerably in our understanding and treatment of addiction since.

Start with "quit lit" Bryony Gordon is good. Clare pooley. Unexpected joy of being sober. Sober is the new black. God, there's loads. Loads and loads. Buy shed loads of the available literature and binge it. That'd be a good start.

I've read all of that stuff, or most of it, it helps, but not long term, it's the fact I can't open up so I actually get small benefit from the groups, I do find it interesting and love hearing the stories and people, but for me personally, it doesn't help me and in not sure how it ca right now not and im end stage

So im just asking for real experiences of anything similar or from here or what have you really

What a ridiculous post,I have been a member of AA for over 22 years and sober since my first meeting.
Do enlighten me as to the outdated and questionable practices!! Actually laughed when I read that.There are no rules and no musts in AA,no waiting list and it’s free.Talking is not required if you don’t want to.

OP I suggest you get on a Zoom meeting,there are thousands of them.Sit and listen.

I read books galore back when I couldn’t stop drinking,they never stopped me.I once stopped drinking for 3 years on my own,but started again.

AA is the only thing that has worked for me.Everyone can stop drinking,it is staying stopped that is the problem.

I can understand both but really struggle with all this 'openess' to me I feel quite horrendous and It might be normal I don't know, I was asking,maybe wrong place , I wanted to know what helped other people when nothing would

I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time. I didn’t join any groups but went on a couple of online forums (one on here and one on Facebook).

There is no “right” way to get sober - just whatever works for you.

For me, I know that I am motivated by measurable goals, so a big thing that helped me was the TryDry app - it’s free and you log your alcohol free days (there are other apps out there too).

It might help to think about how you’ve handled other challenges in the past - what worked for you then? Some people really find it helpful to be part of a group, others don’t

I hope you find a way that works for you.

It's not a "ridiculous" post at all.

Op doesn't have to take my word for it. There's plenty of information out there to back up my experience. Or she could try it herself and see how her free thinking and ability to take control of her own life is after a year...

I shall say no more so as not to derail OPs thread.

Op, do have a look at those books. There are very much ways to put alcohol down without "groups". Most women that digress into alcohol addiction have a history of trauma/ADHD/mental health struggles. It's not impossible to stop drinking. It's very much possible.

Ps I learnt I have ADHD - it was like a complete penny drop moment. It all made sense.

There is a big link with alcohol and ADHD in women.

AA tends to label you a defective "alcoholic" that can only get sober in AA. You must keep going, you can never progress or leave. Lots of very questionable practices as I say. Any critical thinking or questioning of the program is a ,"you" problem not them. You must trawl through all your past mistakes, however minor, to a fellow untrained peer in AA and allow them to make you as vulnerable as possible so that you can be broken down and brainwashed. It's very heavily religious too, although it'll be advertised as "spiritual". The 13th step of men praying on vulnerable women is also a thing.

I don't want you to feel as I once did (when I was very young and extremely vulnerable) that AA is literally the only way, and any refuting of that idea is "your alcoholic brain ". I've been successfully sober for years (I don't count, I'm not obsessed) but it will be around 9 years. I've tried the odd wine /beer and to be honest: I don't need it. It no longer adds to my life. Being alcohol free is a really good choice.

When you address the underlying issues leading you to want to escape your brain , you're most of the way there. The ADHD realisation was a real game changer for me, and my brain finally made sense. AA would have dangerously had me believing I was just a hopeless, defective "alcoholic" and my whole personality was "alcoholic". I shudder when I think of how vulnerable I was listening to all that and damaging my self esteem (even further).

I just want to reassure you to trust your Spidey senses. And be reassured that there very much are other ways. The books will honestly really help to feel less alone and to start to understand your brain.

Hi op
did you say you were “end stage”?
There is an organisation called CGL who offer alcohol support and could direct you through all available options.
Do you think you need to go to detox and maybe rehab?
Have you been to see you doctor if you are “end stage”?
Good luck op x

In our area there is a charity which works with people who have addictions . You have to be referred by your GP. their approach is very different to AA.

I changed names as felt more comfortable to me, yes it's gone that far. I don't want to answer everything it's the extreme end of things yes. I've had many inpatient stays over the time with detoxes,rehab, hospital, even sectioned , I've tried accromposate, anti depressants, proparaol,anything, Ive done as, smart recovery and groups on social media,I've read every book

You can get sober without doing a huge amount or any group work as in speaking/listening in a support group.

I got sober without doing AA or support groups (I have attended some, but not regularly or often, as the ones I would attend tend to be dinner time, after work but not at a good time if you have young children). I was drinking 200+ units a week (3 bottles of wine a day), a proper alcoholic.

What I did find useful was people for connection and accountability. But I got that through a Facebook group and through instagram. Bee Sober is great for this. They also have WhatsApp groups (I don’t really do group chats though). I would post and chat with people, but online. You can also just attend an AA meeting online and listen. You don’t have to talk. Even other groups, it’s fine to say you don’t want to talk. People will respect that. But for me, Facebook and Instagram worked great. I’m not ND btw, you don’t have to be autistic to find something other than group work works well for you.

I’m 2 years and 5 months sober, so it works.

Sorry my love, I didn't realise you wete end stage. I'm sorry for what you're going through.

I still echo that you do not have to go to groups, there are other ways. It sounds as though you need sound professional expertise. I don't think you'll gain that from AA.

But my experience was from "binge drinking" (to really dangerous 'alcoholic' levels ) on /off for many years to cope with poor mental health. It was more of a desperate crutch. I could go weeks and months without. Then I'd get "triggered" and start again. But I knew if I sorted out the mental part, I wouldn't need the "crutch". AA views alcohol issues as a pure alcohol addiction without factoring in the cause. To them the cause is just "because you're an alcoholic".

I do accept though that you may view things differently if you do believe your primary problem is alcoholism.

I'm sorry you're in this state of ill health and wish you all the very best. It's a cruel thing xx

@CrispsPlease How did you manage to get on top of the role that your ADHD plays in driving addiction? (If you don’t mind me asking). My ex uses alcohol to self medicate the impact of ADHD (emotional disregulation, anxiety etc) and it’s often a driver of his relapse. Was wondering what had worked for you? He abused his stimulant medication the only time he tried that so is too anxious to try again.

I really didn't want to keep drinking . I grew sick and tired of the consequences (of which there were many, physically, mentally, emotionally and not just to me: I was affecting people I loved ) I wasn't physically dependent so that I had on my side. I threw myself into things and people that didn't revolve around alcohol. I did also start drinking, and still do : CBD infused drinks. It's a mild effect but i look forward to them and it feels grown up. It also has a calming effect for me. You can buy them from supermarkets or online (Asda and Sainsbury's sell them ) and Amazon. I buy the Trip ones, although goodrays have more CBD in them.

I can also highly recommend podcasts to anyone wanting to quit drinking: silver awkward is good. And sober stories. It's all real women and people who managed to quit drinking (many if not most without AA)

Did you see the bit in my post where I talk about the autistic guy who is now sober thanks to AA? And there are 3 others in the group too. So it does work for some people including me

AA has worked well for plenty people I know. But in my experience I did not find it helpful - it was possibly the certain meetings I attended but I felt they were very pushy with me to get a sponsor and start the steps. I began dreading to go as I wasn’t ready to start that work but I felt I was letting people down. However that is just me and I know for others it has been a life changer! I am doing SMART recovery online which I find great. It is CBT based. You don’t have to chat if you don’t feel comfortable/ready to. They usually do an open discussion (keeping it short and recent) and then look at a tool to work on. Lots of luck and I hope you find the right support for you!

I know someone whose social anxiety was too much to go to AA groups - the anxiety was a big cause of the drinking, which then also prevented her from accessing AA like a terrible chicken and egg scenario. She quit by taking medication, following the Sinclair method she found out about online .

There's a new book out about the Sinclair method called "Drink your way sober" by Katie Herzog that I've heard trailed on a number of podcasts.

My experience is my experience, you don't have to prove it "wrong" if you enjoy 1939 literature written by 1930s males for 1930s males that preaches religion (yes it does ) and believes "alcoholics" have an ego to smash up. (Females with drink problems have a very high vulnerability and an extremely low self worth ) Then carry on. I'm not stopping you. But I do believe vulnerable females shouldn't be pushed towards AA and be coerced into believing they're 'defective character ' is what makes them drink. My opinion is backed up by millions (literally) of accounts both online, written and some embedded in research. NHS and government have no interest in involving themselves on its promotion or rejection (it costs them nothing , unlike mental health care) you don't get to patronise me and tell me I'm wrong.

I just took twice the daily dose of vitamin b complex for a few days and then stopped.

There is an international online neurodiverse AA meeting every day at 4pm (bst). They are a welcoming bunch - this is the link for today (thurs) but as I said it’s on every day

https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/meeting/5614/