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Alcohol support

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Desperate to help my sister

6 replies

Changedforsafety · 28/09/2025 14:54

Sorry this is a long one. To give some background , I am no stranger to alcoholism , in fact it’s probably my specialist subject. I lost my mum to it 15 years ago and this year my ex husband (to whom I was married 26 years and was still close) to and my best friend from school a couple of months ago.
My sisters husband has been a functioning alcoholic for years, but is no longer at that level. He has lost his job, been caught drink driving and is on a massive bender and has been for weeks, police and ambulances there weekly etc. my sister has 3 adult children , 2 of whom still live at home.
They are going through hell and I just don’t know what to do. He will not consider rehab, is going through what bit of money they have on taxis and vodka and is just making everyone’s life miserable . My sister and son work in jobs where they are collected from the house so staying here during the week is not an option as I am 11 miles away.
Shes not getting any help from GP or alcohol services because he is deemed to ‘have capacity’, he is abusive to her daily . She and the kids all look dreadful and I am worried that she is going to have a heart attack with the stress.
I feel likes she’s in an impossible situation , having gone through the trauma of losing my ex husband ( and father of my adult son) all I can see is the same thing playing out again, her kids were heartbroken when he died , they are very close to my son, more like siblings really.
I don’t suppose anyone knows of any support she can access and her position re getting him out of the house, he refuses point blank to leave and I’m also worried that this could escalate into serious violence, my sister is at breaking point and just don’t know what to do to best support her. We are very close and we have a great dad and step mum, but they are elderly and not in great health.

If you have read this far , thanks, it feels better writing it down and any suggestions are very welcome.

OP posts:
9inapack · 28/09/2025 15:08

Between her and her 3 adult children, surely they can move out and get their own place?

9inapack · 28/09/2025 15:08

He’s lost his job
if they move out, he will as he won’t be able to pay for anything

Changedforsafety · 28/09/2025 15:20

Housing three people and a dog isn’t easy, they own their house outright , rents are sky high , we live in in a big city. They aren’t big earners either. My niece rents a tiny flat.

OP posts:
9inapack · 28/09/2025 15:21

Changedforsafety · 28/09/2025 15:20

Housing three people and a dog isn’t easy, they own their house outright , rents are sky high , we live in in a big city. They aren’t big earners either. My niece rents a tiny flat.

Not easy

but a damn sight better than what you describe

and we are talking about 4 adults versus one here

PrimeTimeNow · 28/09/2025 20:35

I am so dreadfully sorry. This all sounds appalling. Your poor things. Alcoholism is such a selfish condition.

See a solicitor and get advice. Plan for the scenario that he never stops drinking and that they have to divorce and the house will have to be sold asap.

Tummyrum · 29/09/2025 06:20

This is four adults, at least half of them gainfully employed. No children to consider

and one unemployed alcoholic.

OP, I sympathise enormously with them but I think that 4 adults can’t come together and formulate a plan to either move out or get him out

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