Husband increasing alcohol?

[PersephoneParlormaid]

DH drinks a bottle of wine every night, has done for many, many years. It doesn’t sit well with me, but I stay for the kids etc.
Last night he’s had a can of lager before the wine. Is this the start of it getting worse? If I ask him about it he’ll just get defensive.
What do I do?

A bottle of wine every night is excessive (and costly). What does he say when he gets defensive?

Will getting his bloods done to check his liver help?

Last time I said anything he said that he’s not an alcoholic, he’s reliant on alcohol.
I very much doubt he would tell the GP how much he drinks. He has high BP but has never reduced his alcohol, just takes the tablets.
I really struggle to speak to him about this as I know it would end up with a row and not speaking.

Gosh, I like a drink but that is excessive. You can’t force people to change but I think you need to try and get him to see reality - he is an alcoholic and alcoholics do not like this to be pointed out to them. Can you find a time to take him on a walk and explain that you love him and are worried for his health? Do you have children? You could discuss the impact this is going to have on them (seeing their dad drink this much, how he is very likely to develop liver disease if this carries on)? I would frame it as love but with a big dose of honesty. I would tell him he is an alcoholic. The problem is, the real change has to come from him. Good luck.

If there’s been nothing you can do about him drinking a bottle of wine every night for years then I’m not sure what difference a can will make.

For the record though the one thing you can do is decide how much longer you & your children live with an alcoholic.

I wholeheartedly recommend you try a couple of sessions of Al anon. You will meet people like yourself and find support. Sadly his in denial so your focus needs to be on yourself so you are the best version of yourself. My partner is a functioning alcoholic in denial. Telling him he has a drink problem has not helped us so i have taken the decision to let him get on with it. Good luck.

I should have left years ago. The kids have grown up seeing/knowing him drink a bottle of wine every night, and that’s my fault. But they don’t seem to think it’s a problem even though two of them are adults now. It’s almost as if they accept that that’s dad. He stays up later than us, so we don’t see him having had a drink.

@Treacletreacle so you stay with him and accept it?

If it’s what the kids have grown up with then of course they don’t know it’s wrong, it’s all they’ve ever known.

You “stay for the kids”

why? Because you actively like them being around this?

Does he get drunk doing that or does he still seem completely normal?
I could do this too but don't because I don't want liver cirrhosis.

I go to bed before him, so I don’t see if he looks drunk or not. He doesn’t throw up or pee in the wardrobe.

We are currently still together yes but the dynamics have changed. My partner doesn't drink daily but most days. He does drink alone but often it is with work colleagues after work. He is surrounded by drinkers (strong male culture of drinking where he is from) but now my focus is on myself. He knows i will not put up with the bull shit i have done in the past. All im trying to say is your husband has been drinking for years only he can make the decision to stop. I know from experience asking, begging, guilt tripping etc doesn't work.

I can drink a bottle and never be pissed. It's over a good few hours. I could do it every night too but wouldn't. It's so easy to get into that habit though.