Community detox

[bluetack]

I've been following this topic for a while, BF is an alcoholic drinking around three bottles of wine a day, but wants to stop. For unrelated reasons he's moved in with me, and I'd agreed to support him (he's been struggling with life admin and has no patience with anything that requires more than one phone call).

So, he's signed up with a support service, has been assessed, had some B1 injections, and approved for a community detox, all good
But, his named support worker has been ignoring phone calls, went on holiday with no communication, we had to sort the nurse appointments ourselves, so I have no idea what the community detox actually involves, other than he's at their premises from 9.30 till 3.30 for five days, the rest of the time he's at home with medication.

So, my question for those of you who been through it , both as the person and their support, is what can I expect? Are the meds likely to zonk him.out overnight so I can get sleep, or am I going to need to be awake to be supportive/stop him going out to buy wine/whatever. What are the physical symptoms likely to look like?
BF has done it before, but in hospital and can't really remember the details other than it was horrible, which doesn't really help me (I'm a "need to know all the details" kind of person, hes more a "whatever" type)

I'm going to get him to make an appointment with the support worker (and go to the appt to make sure he doesn't just walk out with a big FU to the guy), so I can get some more info, but I'm hoping some of you incredibly knowledgeable people can help me out please (even better if you can link me to some resources online too?)

Thanks so much in advance

Do you really want to spend your life with this man? Apart from being an alcoholic, he can’t cope with life admin and is bad tempered. That probably won’t change if and when he is sober. Most alcoholics lapse at some point so you need to be aware that you will be going through this more than once. I think you should join Al-anon. I know from experience that you can’t stop a person purchasing alcohol - Amazon deliver it. Alcoholics are very good at hiding their stash and at acquiring it. If he really wanted to stop you wouldn’t have to police him 24/7 to stop him buying alcohol. In my experience (and boy have I had it) alcoholics really only embrace rehab/ detox when they are at very rock bottom and the bottom is far lower down than you can ever imagine until you see it.

I wish you well but please remember to look after your own health and well being. Even my GP had to tell me to step away as I was damaging my own health in trying to help an alcoholic relative. Best wishes.

Remember the mantra:
You didn’t cause it
You can’t control it
You can’t cure it.

Thanks Rocknrollstar

I'm reserving judgement as to future plans till he's sober, I'm happy to help in the meantime

I'm waiting for a place on the local support service friends and family group, and am focussing a lot of time on maintaining boundaries, I know his issues are not my issues to solve, but I've agreed with him to help with the organisation of getting his shit sorted. And the lack of support from the support worker ( one face to face five weeks ago, then radio silence after saying "I'm with you every step of the way" would be enough to make me strop off as well tbh) means that people around him are happy to step up, we all know he really wants to get sober, but can't do it without medical assistance.

I didnt mean I needed to police his drinking ( and in his defence he doesn't lie about the levels or sneak around with it), it was more that if the withdrawal is as horrible as I suspect it is, he's going to find it really hard at 3am to stick with it until whenever the next dose of medication is due, so I'm trying to anticipate what support he'd need at that particular point.

Get therapy for your co dependence.

Why are you taking on this project?

I’m interested to hear from others as well

my DD is due to start her community detox in a couple of weeks and I’m scared I will be able to cope.

shes worried as her last blood test has shown acute liver failure and thinks she will have to go residential.

I’ve been led to believe that the medication she will be given will remove the desire for alcohol but I just don’t see that, and I really don’t see how to stop her buying it, where there’s a will theres away.

any advice or information will be very appreciated

Before he gets to the detox he should be making a massive effort to cut down. The less he's drinking the easier it will be. I've known people who drank a litre of vodka a day and detoxed on their own at home. I did it once. I was hallucinating spiders and shadowy figures in the walls.

The medicine will help a lot. They should give him benzos and other anti seizure meds. And something to help him sleep.

If he can go down to 1.5 bottles by the time he's admitted that would be a great achievement. But I know it's not easy. I wish him the best.

I can’t answer your question about community detox, but I can answer your question about everything else. I was your boyfriend, drinking 3+ bottles of wine a day every day. This is his to sort out. No one sorted detox for me. No one needed to stay awake at night making sure I didn’t go buy wine. No one found the answers to the questions I needed to find myself. I had no support worker. I just did it myself.

Pass the load back to him to carry. This is his recovery. If it’s going to be successful and he’s going to get better, he needs to be the one calling the shots, not being enabled. If he wants to say fu to his support worker and walk out, that’s his choice. I sorted things out myself because I wanted life back. I googled and found answers to those questions because I was determined to make it work. He needs to want it and fight for it, not be dragged into it because you want him to get better.

The ONLY things you need to do, perhaps besides a little practical support like if he needs a lift there or to an AA meeting, is to not drink around him, bring alcohol into the house, pressure him to go to the pub with you or whoever’s birthday party, and just be there to listen if he wants to talk.

Also for what it’s worth, I was drinking as much or more than your boyfriend and I did not wake at 3am wanting a drink. I actually never wanted a drink really. I did not do medical detox. No medication. The only side effects were than I was tired and irritable for the first week or two. Absolutely no one had any idea I was quitting drinking other than Dh. There were a few nights when I struggled to sleep and I just took a nytol. I would not go in expecting it’s going to be this big horrible experience where you are going to be nursing him day and night. I was truly up and doing 10 mile hikes listening to podcasts and going wild swimming.

My ex has just done a community detox. It sounds different to the one your partner did. He went to the community drug and alcohol support centre just once a day in the morning - this was to have his obs done (BP, series of questions, breathalysed) and then prescribed his Librium for the day. This was for 7 days, starting with a higher dose of Librium and tapering down to none by day 8.

Compared to when he was in rehab, the Librium dose was a lot lower. He didn’t experience bad withdrawals despite this lower dose, but he was certainly not as dopey and as drowsy as he was on higher doses in rehab. He was well and awake and fairly self sufficient. His support person was asked to live with him for the first 5 days to support with food, drinks, and ensuring that medical help was called if he were - for eg - to have bad reaction to the meds or the withdrawal. This wasn’t needed as he found withdrawal and the meds easy

Physical symptoms
Withdrawal can be sweats, shaking, nausea, vomiting, high blood pressure. But generally a medically managed one involves none of these if the dose is right. Even on the lower dose of Librium (benzodiazepines), ex only had sweats for the first two days, a slightly sleepless first night, and had no side effects from the Librium.

It will only work if he really wants it. If you have to stand at the front door stopping him leaving to get alcohol it won’t work. He has to desperately DESPERATELY want it to work. If he gives up, it’s ok for you to walk away to protect yourself.

having said that I applaud your willingness to try to help. The meds will keep him slightly drowsy, prevent seizures. Do not leave him in charge of his meds - you will need to be the pharmacist handing them out. Lock them away from him.

they might offer sleeping meds, but these can be dangerous with benzodiazepines and any latent alcohol in his system.

good luck. From myself as a recovering alcoholic Thank you for trying to help him but look after yourself.

An update - DP eventually managed to negotiate through the layers to get to the detox, unfortunately they didn't explain clearly enough that he needed to be sober in order to get the meds that would help (that was to me as well as to him, the communication was very very disjointed), so that failed.
He's now at a private inpatient facility, doing really well according to the support worker, really focused and engaged, "putting all the work in" and looking physically much better even after two days according to today's update.
Thanks for all the practical advice everyone