Feeling horrible and wanting to quit

[WillaKnox]

Went out last night and didn’t eat dinner and got far too drunk. I don’t think I made a fool of myself just repeated myself a lot but I feel so ashamed and my anxiety is off the charts today. I am not an alcoholic, I actually don’t drink that often but I think that’s actually made it worse because there’s no drive to quit if it’s only every so often but I am in such a dark place today. I’ve told my husband I want to quit and I’ve emailed to restart counselling that I had a few years ago but I just can’t stop thinking horrifically negative thoughts, I even made my husband cry this morning after I said some absolutely awful things about myself and how much I hated myself (not him, I’m not verbally abusing my husband).

I feel like if I post on here I might hold myself to account a bit better - my husband is amazing but he also a) didn’t think I was that bad last night and b) knows how little I drink normally so while he will be supportive he doesn’t see it as a huge issue. I need someone to be a bit tougher with me and maybe I’ll get that here!!!

It’s the classic self loathing after excess drinking and toxins leaving your system

make up with your hubby and be kind to yourself xxx

This sounds similar to what led me to quit. I have never regretted it. Knowing I will never have that shame and self loathing (let alone hangovers) brings me a peace that far outweighs any desire to drink. I know how you’re feeling today so well and the depth of the sadness and regret. It will pass and it sounds like you didn’t do anything bad at all - but if you’re interested in stopping I’d wholeheartedly recommend giving it a try. It’s changed my life.

It’s just not worth it is it..? Feeling that bad after a night of drinking. I would actually feel suicidal the next day and it would take a good few days for my mood to return to normal. Problem is, when it’s not regular drinking, you soon forget how bad the hangover is and then rinse and repeat, but for me I’ve had enough and intend to not ever feel that bad again!

Thank you for all your messages, it’s nice to know I’m not the only one who has felt like this! I feel a bit better today after seeing friends but I had a few moments where I zoned out and found myself silently spiralling but it is what it is I brought it on myself and hopefully I’ll remember this in the future.