It's 4pm and itching for a drink

[Chinsupmeloves]

Hi!
Assuming we're all at different stages but hopefully understanding of alcohol dependency.

I grew up in the 70s as a child/80s teenager and alcohol and smoking was the norm so it became my norm and I bloody loved it!

Now in my 50s and still having a drink and a fag is what continues to make me happy, as it always did.

Things have changed but my inner self hasn't. I used to go out for a drink, often, but rarely drank at home. Now I make sure I've got crates of beer, wines, spirits in because I don't go out much any more and tbh don't want to. I was THE party girl who was the last to leave but the reality of getting older, DC, losing loved ones, basically life experience, has changed me

So I've fallen into the trap of drinking most nights. It started with a bottle of wine but now I need a few beers then the bottle, then beers or vodka after if I'm on one. I will sit in the outside area and chain smoke and drink, get maudling, cry, doom scroll. I know this is bad but I can't wait til the eve so I can do it.

I'm so sad, have no hobbies, my main hobby was socialising and dancing the night away. I dwell on the past, so much fun, simpler, knowing everyone has moved on.

I've tried to stop and I do go several nights without drinking but I feel that itch!
Know my cut off point to eat and go to bed ready for the next day.

So not alcoholic but I know I could well be if I didn't have my responsibilities: work, family. My DH hates my vices and his patience is waning. Xxx

It's great you know you have a problem
Just need to substitute that itch with something
Go to rave zumba classes. Or spin classes with an instructor who plays good music.
Get a soda stream and have soda water and fizzy juices etc instead, komnucha, cbd trip drinks
Leave the house for a walk at 4pm to break the association
Build different habits as well as not drinking /cutting down

You say you’re not an alcoholic but you are drinking regularly and habitually. Could you really stop if you wanted to? It seems like it’s out of boredom which I totally understand as I have fallen into a similar trap (albeit not as much - a glass or two of wine and I’m done but it’s usually 5 out of 7 nights per week which isn’t great!)

I get it. Alcohol and a fag is enjoyable but it’s only really enjoyable in the short term. If you can get past the wine o clock time (for me it’s usually just after the kids have gone to bed) then you will thank yourself for it the next day.

I am in a similar boat and it’s hard to just stop something that brings you instant gratification but sometimes you need to consider your future health.

Also be warned, people are crazy about alcohol consumption on MN. You will be called an alcoholic very soon.

There’s a phrase about the opposite of addiction being connection and you sound a little lonely and the drink/smoke/scroll has become your thing. Can you start to find a hobby or an activity with people outside the house that gives you an alternative? It’ll take a while to build up but will be worth it in the end.

It is a lot of alcohol and it’ll be doing your health terrible damage, as well as destroying your ability to be naturally emotional and to focus on what can make you happy now. The past is literally a different country. None of us can go back and be our younger selves but most people tend to progress to different activities - so look at where you want to go and then just take the first step (and the one after etc etc!).

If it helps, I was where you are now a couple of years ago (all of it!). I didn’t drink for four months and since then it has been minimal. I managed to break the cycle by reading a lot of quit lit and really getting my brain to understand what was happening and how to deal with it. I cannot tell you how vastly better life is. I don’t smoke any more, and although I have a bad social media habit, I read and paint (badly!), go to yoga, run, hike and generally seek serenity. It is doable, just arm yourself and jump in.

Thank you for taling the time to help. I know I can't continue like this and don't want to.

Need to get my mojo back and make small positive changes. Xxx

I have no advice but want you to know you’re not alone. I’ve fallen in to the trap and struggling to find a way out. I know the only way is to figure out what I’m running from.

PM me if you want to chat. I think you’re totally on the up though as you’ve reached out in the first place.

It’s weird, life is tough if you look outside the box. I’ve been pretty unsteady after losing my parents and I’d love to throw myself back into societal drudgery but I can’t help but wonder - why? Maybe the more intellectual you are the harder it is to “blend in”.

You’re totally okay, you’re just sensitive and feel like you’re drifting. It’s normal. I find it helps if I write down what I’m feeling. Life is so complex and the more sensitive you are, the harder it is to navigate. Just decide on what you want as a person and try not to reminisce too much about the past. Make a plan for your future.

Take care. Hugs.

It’s really really hard the break the cycle but each time you do it gets easier. I found this naked mind 30 day experiment really useful as it gives you videos / articles each day which help explain why you fell that way but also how to overcome it. Alcohol explained is very good too

one thing that stuck with me was that the brains pathways are so entrenched, we naturally do and want to do what we’ve always done. But if you do something different you create a new path and gradually the old pathway gets used less and less (in my mind I imagined it as literally an overgrown path that wouldn’t be walked on). I might not have explained that very well!

my routine of wine and same old music was very missed at first but now a few months on, I’ve got a different routine in the evening and the old music is on in the car instead

I saw an advert for daytime clubbing recently on Instagram. Could you look for something like that? It’s from 3-8 on a Saturday (may vary locally, I’m sure there will be similar things near you).
There is also adult roller skating with disco near me and other dancing and playful activities- worth looking for something like that which might bring you the vibe you’re nostalgic for?