Why can’t I stop?

[Evehope86]

I really hate the fact I have to even post this but I am desperate for change. I have always had a binge relationship with alcohol. I suppose for years I didn’t see it as an issue as it was “only every few weeks” or “at least it’s not every night”. Just excuse after excuse. No matter how awful my behaviour is/the damage to relationships/risk to my safety and well-being I still continue to drink. The gaps in between each binge (anything from 3 weeks to a few months) it is like I forgot how horrendous the aftermath is and go straight back to the same cycle. I hate that something so destructive can be so powerful. I don’t want to cut down my drinking as I have fully accepted I cannot moderate and it’s all or nothing. I need to stop for good. I just wish the thoughts didn’t creep back in after a period of sobriety. I guess I’m wondering if anyone else has ever finally accepted that they can’t drink and how they manage to do this? Thanks

You need to do two things a. Completely stop drinking and b. Work on why you're drinking.

I stopped drinking before the first lock down and haven't drunk since. I had a similar relationship to alcohol and realised I had to stop. It was really hard because I had some great times and didn't want that to stop but it was no longer working for me.

There's lots of support out there.

You need to just do it. It’s truly just a leap in the dark. You don’t know what it will be like until you do it. I think sometimes people get too hung up on how to do it right. You just literally need to not drink today. And then you just don’t drink today again tomorrow. I thought that not drinking sounded like it would suck, but I accepted that I didn’t know for sure it would suck more than continuing to drink. (I definitely doesn’t).

But you do accept it’s going to kinda suck to begin with and you distract yourself. I listened to lots of sobriety podcasts in the evenings and I exercised a lot and I did lots of long hikes and I went and did a class on a Friday evening. Sometimes i just went to bed. I also gave myself permission to not do things that sounded horrendous without drinking. Wedding of some cousin? Go for the early bit and then dip out and go home. School fundraiser that gets boozy. Don’t go. Honestly, it’s fine. It really doesn’t matter and no one will care. If you are someone who only really binge drinks at social events, just don’t go to those events for a few months.

And then beyond just literally taking a leap of faith and doing it, connection and community is really important. You need other people who are going through the same thing. Especially in the early days. I personally would recommend Bee Sober. I think it works really well for people like you who wouldn’t necessarily find a home with something like AA. Bee Sober is actually doing a 30 day Sober September coaching thing, so that may be something to look at doing as it’s starting this week.

All that said, honestly you really can do it. I was drinking a lot more than you are by the sounds of it. I just got fed up and didn’t want to feel so miserable stuck on that roundabout anymore. There really is life on the other side. I am 2.5 years sober now and I don’t miss it and would never want to go back.