DH has been trying to control his drinking for a long time, with varying levels of success. To be honest I didn't realise until a few years into our relationship how much of a problem it is for him. Partly because we meet in the navy his drinking didn't really seem that excessive to me at the time. There are sometimes periods where his drinking is a relatively normal amount, but he always struggles to keep it at that level.
I've been actively trying to support him to reduce or stop for the last 5/6 years. He's pretty much always said he wants to reduce rather than stop completely, sometimes says the only problem is that I'm too uptight about alcohol, sometimes tries to hide how much he's drinking, sometimes had some combination of days/amounts he decides are okay but can't stick to, occasionally he's said he's going to stop completely but has just tried to use willpower without changing anything in his life.
About nine weeks ago he realised how much money he'd spent in the pub over the last year and decided he would only go to the pub on a Friday with his dad. Since then he's been in the pub at least twice a week every week, usually more, and tried to hide it. Yesterday he went to the pub instead of grocery shopping, lied about it, I told him I didn't believe him.
When he came home he said he's got a problem and he needs help, needs me to help. That he wants to stop but doesn't know how. He's said similar things before but this feels different. For example in the past he hasn't been willing to tell friends or family that he's quitting or tell them why. This time he's planning to tell his family.
I'm not expecting everything to change overnight but I think it's a really positive step that he's admitted openly to having a problem with alcohol, that he needs and wants to stop, and that he needs help to stop.
I know I can't do it for him, but I would welcome any advice on how to support him. What did you do for your partner or your partner do for you that helped? What was not helpful?