Adult child needs rehab

[Canihavesomeadvice]

I have an adult dc with a severe alcohol
addiction. Thay have told me they need rehab but I have no idea where to start. GP has previously referred to local talking therapy but we are so beyond that now. Will the NHS even fund rehab? I don’t even know what questions to ask or to ask them to. ☹️

The offerings are limited. I only know bits from being sick in and out of hospital and meeting drink dependants.

You can access medications that won't stop the cravings I believe but you'd vomit everywhere if you drank. I'd research online into that.

The other thing is considering anti depressants as the drinking is for a reason. I'd also consider of they are possibly affected by ADHD. Because addiction is much higher on this group - where ADHD meds might actually help.

Rehab wise - it's shit. A young lady I know got a place on an NHS rehab course but it was awful and they were left to it tbh.

It's a postcode lottery. If you can pay for private rehab there's a better chance.

I'd look personally at private therapy - someone they might click with. Look up those who specialise in addiction.

The NHS is going to let you down here terribly and it's worth looking at what you can get together funding wise.

They can definitely help with medication but you need a professional in this to guide you. The GP isn't a professional in this.

I was on anti depressants years ago and unfortunately they made me twice as drunk when I drank alcohol. So that's a bit of a problem. But mentally, addressing the underlying problem helps avoid the need for a psychological crutch ( being drunk).

Sorry you’re struggling, we have been through & are still going through this for BIL.

The short answer re rehab basically is- no. The NHS can technically fund it, but very very rarely do. You have to exhaust every other avenue first- GP, talking therapy, community services so group therapy, you get a key worker allocated, lots of meetings and talking but very little actual help.

When that inevitably does nothing you progress to medical detox, depending on usage and how willing they are there’s a few methods here. You can do it at home with support which is basically reducing intake by 10% every other week yourself, didn’t work for BIL who just snuck out to drink more. Second option was to go to the clinic once a day for medication dose, again didn’t work for BIL.

The NHS don’t routinely fund residential rehab, that’s a private thing you’d have to pay for. The only way you could try to get the NHS to fund it is by trying and exhausting all other options first, then if you are high-risk, homeless, or have other health issues you can go to a panel to ask for rehab to be funded. We tried this and despite double digits of A&E visits, police bringing him home etc were knocked back. It’s such a high bar that essentially unless they have nowhere to sleep it’s a no.

Start with your GP because a lot of the help runs from there, but for speed you’d be better off privately funding any treatment you can. My husband & I paid for therapy, treatment & rehab in the end for BIL at his request but yet even now over a year later he is no better off sadly. Good luck x

Some areas have in the community alcohol support workers and group therapy sessions that can be incredibly helpful for some. One lady I know engaged in this. She attended group sessions and had a professional support worker. She'd been alcoholic for a long time and well known though.

You need to understand what your area has by researching all yourself online.

The GPs can be limited sometimes in awareness and there's always resourcing in their minds.

I don;t want to be harsh but I do have experience of living with an alcoholic (who's now managed to go without a drink for 20+ years) and I think you need to be wary of them using 'I need rehab' as a delaying tactic. They have to have a genuine desire to give up....

Thank you both for your replies. It’s as I thought for the NHS sadly. I definitely think there’s an element of ADHD going on, plus anxiety and possibly depression. I did wonder about trying to detox at home with the use of medication. GP historically not been much use - just bats off to local groups but dc finds them very hard to engage with. It’s a mess to be honest. We could at a push fund a few weeks in rehab but only as a one off.

My godson did rehab in South Africa about 18 months ago - much cheaper and worked for him.

DC’s life is miserable. They know that. I know what you’re saying but hope this is them wanting to make a change. Maybe this is the rock bottom? Mind you I’ve thought that a million times before.

Just be wary OP, we’ve had a few “rock bottoms” these last few years. Husband & I alone have spent nearly £25k on rehab, counselling for BIL on his request- his hangover wears off and he walks out, nobody can force him to stay there.

There comes a point where you have to decide if you’re helping or enabling. It is soul destroying though you have my sympathy. We thought things were looking up but at the weekend PIL once again had emergency services at their door after BIL had been found passed out mortal drunk in the middle of the road.

Usually someone is referred to the local drug and alcohol team. When they have shown a commitment to that, they are ref to the NHS community drug and alcohol team.

It is the NHS team that do the detox and prescribe the meds. Stopping drinking alcohol is dangerous and needs to be managed by the NHS.

In our area, they use SMART recovery and have groups for the service user and the family. You can buy the books online, and there are online groups if you dont want to go in person.

He needs to be taking prescribed thiamine and B vitamins - to protect his brain from damage in the long term. The GP will prescibe these.

https://smartrecovery.org.uk/

There are free rehabs - they are usually faith based.

OP, can you afford an ADHD assessment privately?

ADHD often overlaps with Autism. People can hide it all their lives. They can then just break.
The addiction to alcohol is often to cope with this.

If you have a significant challenge living because of an Executive Functioning deficit and say associated depression - THAT is what needs addressing.

Many people do well on ADHD medication. That can address part of a problem here. Then considering an anti anxiety medication like Fluoxetine.

Then considering a therapist who knows all about being Neurodivergent and understands.

The NHS won't help with any of this I'm really sad that's how it is. It's not fair or right.

The big thing is your DC has to want this. They have to engage.

Rehab is not going to fix this even if you did get a magic offering.

He's going to want something or another way to help address the underlying problems.

You have to pay. I went once for 28 days and I wasn’t ready, even with how much it cost.

It’s more to manage the withdrawal. You can’t stop cold turkey once you are dependent.

As others have said it’s community support and tapering. Anyone who has got sober will likely say tapering won’t work. Once you’ve had a drink that’s it. You’re off.

I was very, very fortunate and a decade ago ended up at the Priory on NHS overflow for, essentially, drink related psychosis and suicidal. I was there six weeks. I haven’t drunk since. ODAAT.

It can cost thousands. There are faith rehabs which link into 12 steps. One local to me is Yeldall Manor, male only.

You have to be at rock bottom and willing to stop digging.

Thank you for all your responses. They are all really helpful.

We have a vague action plan in place. One step at a time. DC hits a ‘rock bottom’ and reaches out for help. It’s happened many times before. DC has a supportive employer who has agreed today to give unpaid leave whilst we consider next steps.

DH bless him has come up with a plan to take a one year sabbatical from work and take DC, post detox, on an extended cycling/walking tour round Europe, away from triggers and ‘friends’. A reset I suppose. Who knows if that’s a good idea. Won’t address the underlying issues though but might give us all a break.

In the short term we are looking at GP for detox support, AA type organisations. Anything really to see if DC engages beyond the short term to show willing.

Your dh’s heart is in the right place, but I think this one year trip around Europe thing is a terrible idea and I’d put the breaks on that right away. I walked a camino when I was 5 months sober (for 9 days) and I used early sobriety as an opportunity to focus on training for it and getting back into health. That worked for me because it gave me something to do but I was also really solid in my sobriety by the time I got to Spain.

BUT every cafe along the way served alcohol. Some people were having a beer at 11am. Nearly everyone was relaxing with a drink as a reward after a hard day of walking by 5pm and some of the guesthouses etc were quite boozy. Alcohol is very front and centre in European culture and being on ‘holiday’ is hard to do when you’re getting sober. It’s going to be way too much too soon for him to handle.

Plus the hard part about being sober is living your normal boring stressful life without alcohol. He needs to re-create his actual life in sobriety and live in it and feel it. Running away from it all will only set him up for relapse when he gets back. What he needs is to find a community, other sober people who can support him, you can’t do it. I’d recommend AA or some other support group type set up, where he can make actual friends and build a network for himself. Having that support is life changing.

Have a look at the Sinclair method, in particular with the group Rethink Drink.