I need support please

[thishastobetheday]

My alcohol intake has gotten terrible and it needs to stop.

My Dad is an alcoholic. Growing up going out and getting drunk was just the thing me and my friends did. I was always a binge drinker, if I went out drinking I would only ever get drunk, never tipsy. However I could give or take alcohol for weeks in between a night out and never drunk at home.

Fast forward to now, I’m late 30s, divorced with young DCs and a challenging job. I have so much in my life to be happy and grateful for but like everyone I have days of stress.

Last year I was in a very toxic relationship, the man I was with made me anxious and as such I found myself drinking wine whenever he was around to feel calmer.

I ended the relationship at the beginning of the year. Have felt much happier since but the wine habit at home has continued and gotten worse. Nobody knows as I drink alone but can sometimes drink 2 bottles in a night.

I’ve been monitoring my intake on an app and this week I’ve had over 36 units of alcohol. Always wine, nothing else. Today I have a hangover and feel awful, have cancelled plans because I just feel too lethargic.

My judgement is poor when I’m drunk, and I know that if I were to be out of the house in the state I’m in when drinking at home, I’d be getting into all sorts of bother.

I need to get a grip now, I’ve seen the damage that this does growing up with an alcoholic parent and I need to break the cycle.

Please share any words of wisdom.

You can do this, but you need to make a commitment to stop drinking.

Try reading a range of Quit Literature to start with as it's eye opening and helpful:
Claire Pooley The Sober Diaries
Catherine Gray
Annie Grace

Join some of the other threads on here and get support from others. Or just read them all if you don't want to join in.

I'm at 5th week now and have read lots and lots. Yes the weekends are still hard but I've also found a range of alcohol free drinks that I like
Gordons % Gin
Martini Vibrante poured with blood orange soda
% Beer with a floating top of lime

It's important to me to still have treat style drinks at the weekend they just need to be alcohol free and taste nice.

Take it one day at a time and don't look too far into the future.
Good luck.

Thanks so much for your response. I had a day away from my phone yesterday after posting, so apologies for the delay in replying.

This is all really helpful, and congrats to you on your 5th week!!

I am due to go out with friends this weekend and am planning how to say I won’t be drinking. They won’t judge me at all and the thought of not waking up with a hangover is keeping me motivated and I’m determined not to drink at home this week

I second all of the Quit Lit - especially the Annie Grace one. I was a binge drinker and then wine consumer at home but I stopped 2.5 years ago. I feel so much better for stopping and all of my worries about not being able to enjoy myself at social functions etc proved to be completely unfounded!

I would also recommend reading some of the books mentioned here already - the first one I read was The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley. Get yourself some appealing alcohol free drinks in and allow yourself as many as you want - the same goes for food treats - initially you may desire sweet treats, just go with it, it doesn’t last for ever!
Do you have anyone in real life that will support you? If not, find some sober groups on social media if you use it.
Finally, don’t feel you have to go out next week if you don’t feel it’s the right thing to do. It took me some time to feel confident about going out and not drinking, but now it’s easy.
Well done for putting yourself first and realising what you need to do 😊

I also found One Year No Beer really helpful, did a three month challenge with them which I then kept going with. Helpful emails every day, great community

Good luck, OP, you can definitely do it

Thankyou all. I’ll look into all of these apps and books.
I am partway through reading Blackout and also have the Unexpected Joy of Being Sober.

I’m not sure if it’s an overhang from my hangover from yesterday but i have been ravenous as hell today! The thought of being drunk makes me want to be sick but equally I know I could happily drink a glass (which would inevitably turn into a bottle) of wine. So I’m going to have a self care evening after dinner and an early night to remove temptation.

Yes an early night with some reading to start you off.

What about replacing the habit with something else like starting a fitness class online .. at least you are aware and asking for help

Are you an all-or-nothing kind of person or would it work better for you to cut down just a bit at first?

I hope nobody minds me posting here, it helps me feel a bit accountable in these early days.

I have Wednesdays and Thursdays off work so treat Tuesday nights often as a bit of a Friday usually… ie crack open the wine! But last night I didn’t. Today I went to the supermarket and avoided the wine section.

I haven’t had a drink now for 4 days, which seems like nothing compared to most of you and those on the AF threads on here but it feels like an achievement for me, I just can’t get over how quickly the drinking spiralled for me.

I have to say I was expecting to feel great by now, but I feel absolutely shattered! Had to have a nap this afternoon and the same yesterday. Feel ravenous too. I’ve never been able to eat once I’ve had a drink so I wonder if my body is making up for lost calories now the wine isn’t coming in.

I want to feel pure joy again, not fake joy when I’m pissed followed by the inevitable shame/fear the following day over things I’ve done or messages I’ve sent.

Onto another day tomorrow ☺️

Well done OP, that’s great. The early days are the hardest, so please don’t minimise what you are achieving!

Tiredness may last for a little longer, I would just embrace it. Your body is getting some much needed proper sleep, rest and food.

I have to say I was expecting to feel great by now, but I feel absolutely shattered!

I’m 5 weeks in and still feeling tired! Your body now has a lot of repairing to do and this is the time to listen to it; eat well (maybe some B vitamins too) and rest when you need it.

You’re doing so well and these first few days/weeks are really tough. I know that I’ve had to dig deep and keep reminding myself of why I’m doing this but I know that the gains will be so worth it!

Well done OP I LOVED your statement about wanting to feel pure joy again. Anything you feel under the influence is so fake, so shallow and YES the power of sober joy is immense so keep that mantra going.

The hunger is because there is sooooo much sugar in booze your body will be craving that as much as the alcohol so get lots of lovely sweet bits in to satisfy that craving. Don’t risk giving in!!! You can worry about healthy eating when you’re more sober.

I wanted to thank you all for the responses the other day, it means so much. I hope it’s ok to provide a bit of an update.

Yesterday I went to a BBQ, usually this would be a good excuse to have a couple of glasses of wine, or at least pick up a bottle on the way home (Friday excuse!) but I didn’t. Instead after getting home and getting the kids to bed, I had a long hot bath, an AF beer and binged a crime documentary. I also got a magnesium drink and had that before bed, jury is out as to whether that made any difference but I slept through the night.

This morning, the oddest thing, I woke up and waited for my inevitable Saturday morning hangover to kick in… before remembering I didn’t drink last night! What a rush not to wake up already wanting the day to be over.

Planning to see friends tomorrow, have already told them I’m not drinking. They will be but they won’t put pressure on me… but it will be a challenge because I love a glass of wine with this group of friends. But I am driving, so either way I couldn’t drink to excess, but previous to now I’d have had a glass or so with them and then come home via the shops and polish off a load of wine at home. Determined not to.

I have been on antidepressants for 3 years now following a difficult period in my life. Have wanted to reduce the dose for a long while but with the hangover depression it just hasn’t seemed possible. I spoke with my GP this week and we have agreed a plan to slowly taper my AD dose with the aim of stopping completely. I know that it will be a challenge and adding alcohol in will impact on my progress, so another reason to keep going.

Between the ADs and alcohol… I feel like I’ve been living in some sort of hazy cloud for the last couple of years and feeling happiness has been surface level only. I can’t remember the last time I belly laughed sober, and I so want to get back to this.

Thankyou all for reading and your words of encouragement, it means so much.

Well done you that's a great update.

It's wonderful isn't it waking up on a Saturday or Sunday and no hangover and eager to get out of bed?

There are lots of little firsts that you have to go through and tomorrow is another one, but good plan that you are driving and that you've already told them that you won't be drinking so have set the scene.

I'm on day 41 and started reading Claire Pooley's book again last night just for a bit of morale boosting bank holiday umph. It helped again.

You aren't alone and it's great that you've also spoken with your GP and agreed a plan to slowly taper down your antidepressants. The sad thing about alcohol is we think it makes us feel great when in fact it does the absolute opposite and it's a depressant.

We think it's been our friend. And no it hasn't at all. Quite the opposite.

You can do this. One step at a time. It's your first bank holiday (and mine!). Take each day at a time and well done.

One of the most important points I will suggest is to talk kindly to yourself and to stay curious, especially when things don't go to plan. This alone can make the single biggest change to the journey to drinking less. And pat yourself on the back every day for showing up and being willing to do this. It's not always easy, but it can be simple.

Congratulations on day 41 @Kipperandarthur.. and yes I too am aware of the bank holiday weekend this weekend and how different it feels being sober.

Today has been a challenge, reaching the end of the summer holidays with two young DCs who have been very challenging today. (Ex-DH has been consistently useless this summer holidays so no help from him). I have also reduced my dose of my antidepressants (citalopram) and I hadn’t considered the impact would be so rapid. I have felt tearful and exhausted all day and it took all my strength today not to walk down the wine aisle when we popped to the shops. I’ve deleted my UberEats account now so the temptation to get a home delivery isn’t there.

I have really realised how much of a crutch alcohol has become for me. Stressful day = wine. Good news = wine. Bored = wine.

I cried today which is the first time I’ve cried in months… I think a lot of suppressed emotions are coming to the surface, both as a result of not masking them with wine, and also reducing my antidepressants.

Now on the fence about seeing friends tomorrow. I know that I’ll be tempted if offered “just one glass of wine”, and I don’t know if I’m emotionally fit to pretend to be ok when I feel anything but right now. But tomorrow is a new day and I’ll see how I feel in the morning.

I will download Claire Pooleys book tonight, thankyou. And thankyou for reminding me to be kind to myself @newkindofnormal… I don’t feel I have been today.

I appreciate everyone taking the time to read and respond, I know everyone has their problems and many much much bigger than mine, so I am grateful.

Are you sure this is the right time to reduce your citalopram? That’s a lot to take on at the same time.

@KittytheHareI am wondering the same… It was suggested by my doctor and not an instruction so I could remain at my current dose for a little while longer, maybe I’m trying to run before I can walk. I’m just desperate to feel like ME again, I don’t know who I am anymore without a chemical or alcohol giving me a mask.

Agree!!!!

Giving up booze is really really hard please don’t make it even more difficult.

I would suggest that you stay on your Citalopram for now OP. You can always review it again in 6 months if you feel the need. By then you could have a decent time of sobriety under your belt and be on a more balanced place.

For what it’s worth, I gave up my Citalopram at about a year sober. Im still sober but I’m back on the Citalopram, as I need it. I still feel amazing and I still feel like my genuine authentic self. Sobriety may be enough for you too 🙂

I too wonder whether you are trying to do too much at once. Perhaps just focus on taking out the booze first and remaining off that might be your focus solely at the moment.

You're already doing a hard thing and perhaps now is not the time to add in more pressure and difficulty into the mix. You can always review your medication at a future point when you feel a bit stronger with everything.

I've knocked booze and vaping on the head together and am finding it hard to battle both but they kind of went hand in hand so to speak.

You could easily choose to concentrate on keeping sober and revisit the meds further down the line.