Crossroads

[Thismustbetheendoftheline]

I've had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol for 50 years.

I've had periods of total abstinence alternated with periods of using drink as a form of medicatition for most of my adult life. When I first discovered alcohol at 18 I had no knowledge of it's physical affects.
I'm now aware of it's affects on the body and the mind and I've always tried to manage my drinking to limit it adversely affecting me.

But I've reached the stage of what actually is the point? I'm such a social inadequate and I feel such an outcast what is the point in life? Why not just drink every day and die the alcoholics death? Is any other death any better?

Please has anyone got any valid reasons for not just giving in to alcohol.
.

Do you have any family? They will be very upset if you do. I think it’s easy to think like this but the reality of illness caused by alcohol is hideous. I get you-I am 45 and have had a really poor relationship with alcohol since my teens. I have cut down radically and feel so much better. Do you work? What gives you purpose in life? Do you volunteer? Anything creative? Anything physical? These things are often talked about because it’s true-these things bring meaning to life for the vast vast majority of people.

@ Haggisfish3

Tbh the only thing atm that's keeping me from absolutely running free is the affect it will have in my son because I'm basically the only relative he has in the world. He has friends but I'm the only one 100% in his corner.
I just don't know how to cope with life any more without alcohol as a crutch.

One thing someone said to me was, if you don’t want to give up drinking, then sit down and write a letter to your children explaining why alcohol is more important than they are. That clicked something in me.

You don’t get sober for anyone but yourself. But the reality is that your drinking is having huge negative impacts on people around you. And your death will as well. My husband’s dad drank himself to death when my husband was 15. It’s been 20+ years. It still affects him every day. It’s meant our children don’t have a grandad too.

When I quit, I was drinking over 200 units a week, 3 bottles of wine every day. If I can do it, anyone can. But no one can do it for you. You have to choose to live. Who cares if you’re socially inadequate? Whatever that means. You don’t need anyone else’s approval. You don’t need to behave a certain way or do certain things for anyone else. You literally just need to take care of you. I bet somewhere along the way, someone who should have taken care of you didn’t. But now you’re grown. It’s your turn to pick yourself up and take care of yourself.

You will be incredibly grateful you did. Your son will be incredibly grateful. It will change everything about his life and his future to have you there and present and healthy. This life you’re living right now sounds really hard. Drinking all the time is shit. It’s miserable. As daunting as sobriety seems now, it will never be this dark and miserable. It really does get better and you can do it if you want to.

Have you tried AA? Even if you can’t get yourself to a meeting, you can just log in online. You don’t have to show your face or say anything. You might also consider Bee Sober. Lots of ladies who are 60+ in there. You absolutely 100% can do it if you choose to. My MIL got sober after I did. She drank heavily for 50+ years, lost her husband to alcoholism. She is coming up to 18 months sober and got sober at 70!