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Alcohol support

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Original poster

Mother of child has a drinking problem

19 replies

Imthedaddyy · 26/07/2025 17:05

First post so I apologise if this seems clunky.

The mother of my child(27yo) has a drinking problem, it came to a head last November when I arrived to the scene of her broken down car with my son (3yo)in the back of the car, the app we used to see when each other arrived (life360) showed she was doing 80mph which prompted me to arrive at the scene(she’d told me she had just put our son to bed) and she was so heavily intoxicated she couldn’t stand when I arrived. Transpires that the woman she had accompanying her (56 and has had her own children removed from her) had persuaded her to scoop my son out of bed and drive 10 miles away to collect some powdered drugs.

I called the police and she had her license rescinded, her and her family give me grief as they blame me for ruining her life (IMO she did it herself and put my son in danger)

the resolve was that I allowed her to have him in the week so long as her mother was present (although a pain, her mother is fairly straight)

there have been multiple occasions I have been under the impression she was intoxicated but she claims she is going through a medical issue that is making her lethargic and dopey and that’s why she appears so.. I don’t actually see her enough however to be sure.. well that was until Wednesday this week, her manager at work knows my mother and told her that she seemed drunk on the phone, to which I tried to contact her; with no response I arrived at her place to find her so intoxicated she can barely string a coherent sentence together, bottle of vodka in the bin (A LITRE BOTTLE! and an empty bottle of wine too!!!) ( her mother went on holiday THE SAME DAY, so she’s clearly tried to take her chance and messed it all up) and my son in bed. Needless to say, I had to take my son that night and I have stated that I am unable to return him to her as I don’t feel he is safe with her.

i suppose the reason for this post is, what rights do I have? She is down as the main carer and I have requested we go through a mediator to which she’s refused which I believe gives me grounds to take it to court, but I’m worried that because it’s only been two incidents that I can prove with such a distance between them that the court may rule in her favour, should I ring social services? Is that a can of worms I don’t wish to open?

I’ve never been in this position and my head and heart is all over the place.

does anyone have any advice please?

OP posts:
serene12 · 26/07/2025 17:46

Your child needs protecting. Well done on calling the Police, did the Police inform social services? I would have thought that this would be normal procedure as this is a child safeguarding issue. You do need to inform social services, as your child isn’t safe with his mum or you could phone the NSPCC for advice.

Original poster
Imthedaddyy · 26/07/2025 17:59

serene12 · 26/07/2025 17:46

Your child needs protecting. Well done on calling the Police, did the Police inform social services? I would have thought that this would be normal procedure as this is a child safeguarding issue. You do need to inform social services, as your child isn’t safe with his mum or you could phone the NSPCC for advice.

Thank you, the police COMPLETELY disregarded the fact he was in the car and only charged her with drink driving which shocked me, social services were not informed either which again; shocked me. NSPCC is a great idea, I didn’t think of that!
I never thought I’d be in this position and I just want to do what’s right for my son.

OP posts:
ninjahamster · 26/07/2025 18:19

You need to contact social services yourself and tell them what is happening.

AuntMarch · 26/07/2025 18:22

Definitely needs reporting, otherwise you'd be condoning it. I also think it would be better coming from you now, rather than her making some kind of claim that you've just taken him.

Original poster
Imthedaddyy · 26/07/2025 18:43

AuntMarch · 26/07/2025 18:22

Definitely needs reporting, otherwise you'd be condoning it. I also think it would be better coming from you now, rather than her making some kind of claim that you've just taken him.

That’s what I’ve been worried about, okay, I’ll contact social services when they open. gosh what a mess 😔

OP posts:
raven0007 · 26/07/2025 18:48

I’ve found social services and the like don’t move very quickly.
Have a look at a C100 form that you can complete online and send to a court. If you’re looking for the child to live with you it may help.

legoplaybook · 26/07/2025 20:20

Is there a court order at the moment?

Original poster
Imthedaddyy · 26/07/2025 21:43

legoplaybook · 26/07/2025 20:20

Is there a court order at the moment?

No, not as of yet, I’ve no idea how to go about this to be honest.
i’m looking into a court order, she’s denied MIAM but I don’t know if I’m supposed to set up a mediation meeting that she won’t attend or can it go straight to court?

OP posts:
raven0007 · 26/07/2025 21:58

Imthedaddyy · 26/07/2025 21:43

No, not as of yet, I’ve no idea how to go about this to be honest.
i’m looking into a court order, she’s denied MIAM but I don’t know if I’m supposed to set up a mediation meeting that she won’t attend or can it go straight to court?

Show quote history

Set up a meeting using family mediation council website. They will speak you both separately. If your ex doesn’t attend they will provide you with a certificate to prove you have tried.
Google ‘exemptions from MIAM reasons’ see if any apply to your circumstances, if they do you can apply to court without it.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/07/2025 22:19

So at the moment child is with you and you're not returning?
If anything the onus is on her to take you to mediation/court now

Anon501178 · 26/07/2025 22:48

You need to report what has happened to social services a) so that they have it on record and b) so that if there are court processes it is seen that you raised the concerns.
I work in child safeguarding and I'm shocked the police did not automatically make a social care referral when she was driving intoxicated with a child in the car.I have worked a similar case recently and that is what happened, and it should definitely be the case!
If you have parental responsibility you have a right (as a mother would) to keep your child in your sole care to keep them safe.If she wants to contest you doing, she will need to go to court.

I would advise you to think carefully about what is best for your child in the interim though....the court process can take many months and if he is really missing his mum and has quite an attachment to her you might find supervised contact set up informally perhaps with reliable relatives involved might be an idea, or you can pay at contact centres for more professional arrangements.

Legal or social care might arrange supervised contact in the long run maybe, depending on their involvement and the risks identified, but although I would certainly urge you to keep him with you for safety reasons, and not leave him alone in care of his mother, no contact at all with his mum especially at such a young age might be detrimental and damaging if she was his primary carer.

legoplaybook · 27/07/2025 11:29

Imthedaddyy · 26/07/2025 21:43

No, not as of yet, I’ve no idea how to go about this to be honest.
i’m looking into a court order, she’s denied MIAM but I don’t know if I’m supposed to set up a mediation meeting that she won’t attend or can it go straight to court?

Show quote history

If there's no court order then you can keep the child with you to keep them safe, and sort out some supervised contact with mum.

Tenofcups · 27/07/2025 11:57

Do you have PR? If so it’s a civil matter if you take your child to live with you and as pp says, the mother will have to seek legal advice

Fundays12 · 27/07/2025 22:40

I worked in this field you need to contact social services and let them know about both incidents and that she is a huge safety risk to your child.

Secondly courts will normally act in the best interests of the child which is normally that the child sees the no resident parent so your best to arrange supervised contact via your local contact centre. It is safe, monitored and if she is under the influence they will stop the contact session immediately. This wil give you further evidence of her issues and also show you are willing to facilitate contact if it's safe for your child. Ask the contact centre if they know which solicitors take legal aid as custody battles can be expensive.

Keep a diary of dates, times etc and any evidence of her being drunk.

boredwfh · 28/07/2025 09:09

I cannot believe the police didn’t contact SS! My ex did exactly the same thing with my daughter when he was caught drink driving & SS were contacted who told me I had to apply for an emergency order preventing him from having unsupervised contact with our DD. If i hadn’t of done this they would have stepped in they told me. I got the order the next day. I would apply to the court for an emergency parental order, you should be granted it, then they’ll ask CAFCASS to do an assessment. In meantime contact should be supervised & that means in a contact centre or only with a you present or another adult of your choosing. The courts will want to look at ways for both of you to have contact as they rarely give full custody to one parent but will want to see effort from the other parent of sobriety. I’d be asking for drinks/drug tests tests inc hair strand tests. I didn’t have a lawyer to do this . I filed myself outlining my concerns & got the order.

VividGreen · 09/08/2025 20:49

The court, social services will act in best interest of child. Will examine all parties involved. Is best to come to agreement with ex or could end in not your favour.

VividGreen · 09/08/2025 20:52

Anon501178 · 26/07/2025 22:48

You need to report what has happened to social services a) so that they have it on record and b) so that if there are court processes it is seen that you raised the concerns.
I work in child safeguarding and I'm shocked the police did not automatically make a social care referral when she was driving intoxicated with a child in the car.I have worked a similar case recently and that is what happened, and it should definitely be the case!
If you have parental responsibility you have a right (as a mother would) to keep your child in your sole care to keep them safe.If she wants to contest you doing, she will need to go to court.

I would advise you to think carefully about what is best for your child in the interim though....the court process can take many months and if he is really missing his mum and has quite an attachment to her you might find supervised contact set up informally perhaps with reliable relatives involved might be an idea, or you can pay at contact centres for more professional arrangements.

Legal or social care might arrange supervised contact in the long run maybe, depending on their involvement and the risks identified, but although I would certainly urge you to keep him with you for safety reasons, and not leave him alone in care of his mother, no contact at all with his mum especially at such a young age might be detrimental and damaging if she was his primary carer.

Not good

VividGreen · 15/08/2025 23:04

How do you support them?must b awful for op x

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