Admitting there’s a problem

[Dreemy]

I need to write this down. I need to admit to it. Sorry, it’ll be long.

My drinking keeps creeping up. I work term time only so I’m off work with my DC now.

Last Sunday evening I drank a bottle of Prosecco. It wasn’t enough, so I opened a bottle of red with the aim to have just one glass. Drank two thirds of the bottle instead.

Felt awful the next day. It was a rainy day so just stayed in with the kids. Told myself I need to stop.

Went to the shops on Tuesday morning. Didn’t even want to look at the alcohol. But by the late afternoon, I’d talked myself into it- I’m on holiday, I’m allowed a drink. I’m an adult, adults drink wine if they want to. I don’t have to get up early in the morning. So we went to the playground, and I especially chose the one next to a shop. Didn’t want a bottle of wine so got 6x 200ml cans of Prosecco. Drank 3 of them on Tuesday night. Wanted a 4th but managed to restrain myself.

Drank the other 3 on Wednesday night. Again, it wasn’t enough. Remembered we have a bottle of Jaegermeister (of all things) so drank a large measure.

On Thursday I told myself I need to drink less, I’m getting fat and feel like shit all the time. It’s not fair on the kids. I told myself I’d have a day or two off drinking. Fully committed to it. Absolutely heaving it down so stayed in, which meant I wasn’t tempted by a shop. However, I had to go out half an hour after our shop closes (we’re rural, there’s only one shop and it’s not open late). In a panic, I made an excuse to my husband that I had to leave a bit earlier. Got to the shop 5 minutes before it closed and got a bottle of wine. Waited around, went to where I had to go. Got home 2 hours later and drank all the wine.

Feel like shit today. Rinse and repeat. Tell myself I need to stop. But I’ve said that twice this week already.

It’s not always this bad- I don’t drink during the week when I’m working. But often over do it at weekends. When I think I should have a weekend off drinking, I end up telling myself I’m allowed to drink, it’s what people do, it’s normal etc.

Has anyone got advice for me? How to stop and stick to it??

You need to tell someone in real life there's a problem. DH?

Have you spoken to your husband about it? Well done for admitting to yourself you have a problem thats the first step.

I don’t want to tell anyone IRL. That’s why I’ve posted here. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed.

DH knows I drink a lot and has seen me in some right states. He’s always the one who picks up the pieces when I’m hungover. He’ll fully support me if I say I don’t want to drink anymore and won’t be surprised by it. I just don’t want him to know how bad it is, especially my thought process around alcohol.

Have you read This Naked Mind? You are what would be called a ‘grey area drinker’. You’re somewhere between a ‘normal drinker’ (whatever that means!) and an alcoholic (like me). You’re drinking more often than you want and when you do drink, you’re drinking too much, and most importantly probably, you’re planning your life around finding alcohol.

You might also try the Sober Experiment with Bee Sober. This Naked Mind also has a similar one.