3.5 years sober but drank last night

[ladeedaaaaa]

I had one wine I didn’t enjoy. Due to building panic/pressure and hating my job. I am a perfectionist and if I think I have made a mistake I go into panic mode. Added to this the DCs were being difficult. I just needed something, anything to take edge off.

I know this isn’t a slippery slope for me but would really really appreciate some advice and support today. I am set to retrain next year for a different career so there is hope ahead. But I can’t go back to drinking again. I had done so well and feel like I’ve ruined it.

Try and speak kindly to yourself. Imagine what you would say to a friend in your situation. Do you have or have you had a compassionate person in your life? Think about them and what they might say to you.

Thinking of you OP. Therapy might be very useful for your perfectionist tendencies and can work well alongside alcohol support.

If you’ve got any of that wine left go and pour it down the sink

I haven’t got any. I think it has passed. I’m ok. I am so glad I didn’t cave. Wtf would I do without this site honestly it has been a lifeline to me so many times.

Thank you all so much.

It is just a blip - don’t be hard on yourself

But to keep it that way I think you need to take it seriously eg take yourself off to AA (or similar support if you don’t like AA)

I only say this because I have a mate who was 25 years sober as had recently fallen off the wagon and is really really struggling to get back on.

I don’t agree with AA’s take entirely, but I do think once you’ve been an addict you are vulnerable, and a blip can indeed turn into a v slippery slope

Don't approach it with judgement, instead with curiosity. Why did I drink, what did it feel like, did it do the thing I was hoping it did? You probably were hoping for a short cut to feel less stressed, and now you know it doesn't work. So think ahead what you'll try next time - cup of tea and biscuits, dance in the kitchen, new book in bed, chat with a friend on the phone, and be ready for it.

So much good stuff in your post: you didn't enjoy it and you know this isn't a slippery slope.

I will ask how it feels to see yourself as a perfectionist? As someone who goes into panic mode if you make a mistake? Everyone makes mistakes and seeing yourself as perfectionist is optional. I used to wear perfectionism as a badge of honour but it didn't really help because I took everything to heart. I decided I didn't want to see myself as a perfectionist anymore and here's what I taught myself instead: "Perfectionism is a habit, not an identity, and it can be unlearned.'

Yes I still make mistakes but they don't freak me out AND I don't drink in reaction to the pressure and stress. Hope this helps?

Well done!!! 🎖️ ⭐️

Really helps thank you

I found the book ‘When perfect isn’t good enough’ really helpful for perfectionism. I’m sure there are many others out there too, if a workbook would be a good distraction.

Is there anything that’s making you feel more anxious in general? Personally anxiety is kicking my arse here in perimenopause land 😔.

It’s directly related to my work and it’s just got worse over the years. I’m leaving the profession because I’ve tried counselling etc which has helped but fundamentally it’s a job that doesn’t allow for being human and making mistakes and I’m sick of living in constant fear. It doesn’t suit a perfectionist personality!

Hope you are doing OK. 💕💕

I left my profession as a solicitor for the same reasons. Dear Lord I hated it. I was so stressed all the time. And worked in child protection and divorce law and it's pretty much guaranteed you never make anyone happy. Also a perfectionist and I never had the time to really do the job properly. Billing in 6 minute increments is the work of the devil too. Bringing in loads of money so the Equity Partners could buy their maseratis while I was on just over £30 k a year (small high street firm).

I knew I could not continue when I begged my boss for help due to stress and workload and he just shrugged and said 'Go on anti depressants. That's what we all do'.

I definitely used alcohol as a crutch. But that was always my default anyway.

I am afraid I can't help with new career ideas though. I took extensive time out and now do short contracts of whatever is going. Literally ranging from seasonal retail jobs, bar work to various admin roles. I much prefer it but will have to start looking for something that pays better soon.

Very best of luck.

You have done so well! And one drink doesn’t ruin it at all. It’s a blip, nothing else.

You are a strong person - you got this.

Thanks for that perspective. I spent some time at a high street firm - my god it was hell on earth. I think my salary was 32k. It was hell. I was dealing with tens of litigation files while the partners just flogged us and clients did not want to pay.

I have a plan in place but it involves a year of study so I am just getting that lined up now. DH started a new business a few years ago so I had to keep going but now we are on an even keel I can take a hit salary wise. It is just about surviving really til then? I am very envious of you having escaped!

I am thanks and have a plan in place for this Friday so I am front footing it.

Well done.
Do you have an escape plan on Friday? If in any doubt, play it forward, think about how you will feel the next day. It's just not worth it. Xxxx

Sober 3.5yrs too and I don’t think you will realise how many others you are helping by starting this thread.
The best thing you have done for yourself is having been honest in front of others (virtual others count). You are holding yourself to account and not hiding from how bloody difficult this journey is even when you’ve got years under your belt.
The numerous times (many) when I’ve felt just the one won’t hurt I try to play it forward and know how devastated I would be because of the anxiety of worrying about who I’d upset or how stupid I had made myself look.
The contribution of others is also invaluable in this thread 🌻

Thank you so much.