Ashamed

[Changetheguardsboots]

My neighbour had to come and help me when I was blackout drunk. Apparently I wasn't the warm and welcoming hostess I normally am! Needless to say I'm ashamed and embarrassed about the incident. However, have messaged to apologise and thank her for her assistance. I haven't heard back. How long do I leave it before I re send a message or knock on the door, if ever?

I'd leave it.

Really. Just leave it. I feel awful, socially, emotionally etc. Want to clear the air so to speak

You've apologised and she hasn't responded, so leave it.

Leave it for now, she's probably processing and debating whether it changes your relationship. Can I ask, is this regular, getting blackout drunk?

I'm sorry and sending huge hugs

It's been a more and more regular occurrence. Something I'm very ashamed off and dont feel I can talk to people irl about.

What's going on?

Can you call the AA helpline? That may be a good place to start to unpick what is going on

If it is getting more regular then maybe your apologies sound like empty words.

I hope that doesn't sound harsh. You can do online meetings now, either AA or I used SMART recovery.

Sober Recovery is a really friendly forum with tons of advice. Both for AA and more CBT based (like SMART).

I'd leave your neighbour be for now. Are you okay?

Agree with @Pollqueenthe wonderful people of AA welcomed me with open arms years ago and I’m still sober.

If you don’t get help now, your drinking will continue to get worse.

Their number is 0800 9177 650

They will get another woman who is in recover and who is local to you to call back and take you to a meeting or just have a chat.

I was on the receiving end of a not-warm welcome from an alcoholic who sounded like you do.

I didn’t forgive her, I never believed she didn’t actually mean it (in vino veritas) and if she had tried to “clear the air” the next day I would have been furious at the insult of having to mollify a messy drunk and then being expected to mollify their hangxiety, whilst somehow being made responsible for the absolute hole they have dug themselves into.

You have to stop drinking.
You have to stop drinking.
You have to grow up and deal with why you drink.
Do you think stopping will be easier when you’ve alienated everyone in your life, and are reduced to keeping company with like minded people (I won’t say like minded friends).

I am going to be honest and say I don’t believe you when you say It's been a more and more regular occurrence. Something I'm very ashamed off and dont feel I can talk to people irl about.. This sounds like “I’m really now where near stopping drinking, but I don’t feel I can talk to people irl about that.” You aren’t ashamed, you’re embarrassed by the public consequences of drinking- but you would definitely choose to be off your face for ever if there were no consequences.

There may come a point where you will want to stop, for its own sake. But why not be honest about how much being drunk is your preferred existence.

Wow. I hope you never make any mistakes in your life that you would like to be able to make amends for. Go with grace

I hope you’re feeling a bit better now @Changetheguardsbootsyou’ve reached out to the neighbour it’s all you can do for now. I hope you manage to repair the relationship and put it behind you x

@GuevarasBeretWow. That was really unhelpful and this is probably the wrong thread for you

I don’t think you’ve realised it, but you are proving my point.

You chose to latch onto something (anything) so that you can have a ‘reason’ to not stop.
It’s a frankly ridiculous game where you monitor what everyone else says, and how they say it, with the purpose of avoiding STOPPING DRINKING. Reread you posts, it’s all about your feelings, and garnering Ego-Kibble/ Attention-Cookies and a grand total of zero regarding doing something constructive about the situation.

It seems those close to you have already started to withdraw with love, as well they might. Your neighbour is not responsible for making the conditions right for you to think about whether you might want in the future to stop drinking.

What does make amends look like here? Is it Neighbour says her lines “No problem, we all have too much sometimes” and you get to go back on the sauce with “Yes of course, everyone makes mistakes”. Because that doesn’t look like making amends to me, unless her making amends for making you feel bad is the real dynamic?

I (and everyone on the thread) noticed you haven’t mentioned stopping. So let’s ask the question: when are you going to stop drinking?

@Pollqueen, you gave good advice - reach out to AA. OP, have you done that?

You didn't go with much grace did you. Go troll another thread

Sure, I’ll leave you with this from an earlier post You chose to latch onto something (anything) so that you can have a ‘reason’ to not stop. It’s a frankly ridiculous game where you monitor what everyone else says, and how they say it, with the purpose of avoiding STOPPING DRINKING.

I had insufficient grace, so you get to spend July shit-faced. [Not fooling anyone]

If it’s such a regular occurrence, why aren’t you getting help? How many times has your neighbour had to face the consequences of your drinking and pick up the pieces?

Who said i hadn't stopped. Just you projecting your stuff on to me. My side of the street is clean today not sure you can say the same for yourself

@GuevarasBeret is right. Sometimes the truth hurts. Let this be the rock bottom to stop you drinking or how much further will you fall? What will you do next time that embarrassed you whilst blackout drunk?

@GoodCharl there’s telling the truth, and being downright nasty with it. No need for the latter!