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Worried about neighbours children

5 replies

VNBL · 01/06/2025 18:01

Hi everyone,
I feel really stuck and could use some advice. We have neighbours we genuinely like — they’re friendly and have lovely children (all under 11), one of whom is severely disabled and around 4 years old.

We live in a very “put-together” area, so this sort of situation really stands out and I hate feeling nosy or judgmental. But I’ve been increasingly worried about their kids for a while now. The parents drink every day. One of them works, but I honestly have no idea how they’re managing financially — not that it’s any of my business, but it does make me wonder how stable things are for the children.

The kids are often up until midnight, sometimes later, and seem to mostly look after themselves. They’re sweet kids — polite and lovely — but clearly left to their own devices. This weekend, they haven’t been out at all for at least 3 days, and we haven’t seen or heard anything from them, which is unusual.

One of the parents sometimes sends me loads of messages when they’re drunk, and occasionally invites my kids round. Once, I showed up and they were vomiting. That really shook me — it just doesn’t feel safe.

I don’t want to overstep or cause the kids to be taken away from their parents, but I also can’t ignore the feeling that they’re not getting the care they need. I think the children are already showing signs of being affected by the home situation.

Has anyone been in a similar position? What did you do? I’m really torn between wanting to protect those children and not wanting to destroy their family. But my gut says something isn’t right.

OP posts:
Theyreeatingthedogs · 01/06/2025 19:39

What does "put-together mean"? Never heard it before.

bigboykitty · 01/06/2025 19:45

You are right to be concerned and I would pass on concerns to the school safeguarding lead. You cannot assess whether or not the children are being actively neglected but that's what safeguarding is - passing on information when there's cause for concern and supporting other services to check out the children's wellbeing and safety. It sounds like this family needs help, possibly from a Family Hub and the parents need to be encouraged to access alcohol support services.

ForNoisyCat · 07/10/2025 07:01

VNBL · 01/06/2025 18:01

Hi everyone,
I feel really stuck and could use some advice. We have neighbours we genuinely like — they’re friendly and have lovely children (all under 11), one of whom is severely disabled and around 4 years old.

We live in a very “put-together” area, so this sort of situation really stands out and I hate feeling nosy or judgmental. But I’ve been increasingly worried about their kids for a while now. The parents drink every day. One of them works, but I honestly have no idea how they’re managing financially — not that it’s any of my business, but it does make me wonder how stable things are for the children.

The kids are often up until midnight, sometimes later, and seem to mostly look after themselves. They’re sweet kids — polite and lovely — but clearly left to their own devices. This weekend, they haven’t been out at all for at least 3 days, and we haven’t seen or heard anything from them, which is unusual.

One of the parents sometimes sends me loads of messages when they’re drunk, and occasionally invites my kids round. Once, I showed up and they were vomiting. That really shook me — it just doesn’t feel safe.

I don’t want to overstep or cause the kids to be taken away from their parents, but I also can’t ignore the feeling that they’re not getting the care they need. I think the children are already showing signs of being affected by the home situation.

Has anyone been in a similar position? What did you do? I’m really torn between wanting to protect those children and not wanting to destroy their family. But my gut says something isn’t right.

When my exH was still with us, drinking and being abusive us (with or without his alcohol) and I was too scared to do anything i used to really wish the neighbours would make that phone call for us.

BloominNora · 07/10/2025 07:10

VNBL · 01/06/2025 18:01

Hi everyone,
I feel really stuck and could use some advice. We have neighbours we genuinely like — they’re friendly and have lovely children (all under 11), one of whom is severely disabled and around 4 years old.

We live in a very “put-together” area, so this sort of situation really stands out and I hate feeling nosy or judgmental. But I’ve been increasingly worried about their kids for a while now. The parents drink every day. One of them works, but I honestly have no idea how they’re managing financially — not that it’s any of my business, but it does make me wonder how stable things are for the children.

The kids are often up until midnight, sometimes later, and seem to mostly look after themselves. They’re sweet kids — polite and lovely — but clearly left to their own devices. This weekend, they haven’t been out at all for at least 3 days, and we haven’t seen or heard anything from them, which is unusual.

One of the parents sometimes sends me loads of messages when they’re drunk, and occasionally invites my kids round. Once, I showed up and they were vomiting. That really shook me — it just doesn’t feel safe.

I don’t want to overstep or cause the kids to be taken away from their parents, but I also can’t ignore the feeling that they’re not getting the care they need. I think the children are already showing signs of being affected by the home situation.

Has anyone been in a similar position? What did you do? I’m really torn between wanting to protect those children and not wanting to destroy their family. But my gut says something isn’t right.

Call social care and speak to them and give them the details - you can say you want to remain anonymous so they won't know that it's you and also let the school safeguarding lead know.

They may already have concerns and have possibly raised a referral, or they could be keeping an eye and your input could trigger their threshold for contacting MASH.

Do you speak to / get on with the neighbours generally? If so, can you offer to have the children round to yours for play dates etc? If they are struggling with what is going on at home, it might provide a little bit of respite for them. You could use popping round to ask if they want to come for tea or something as a way to check in on the kids if you haven't seen them for a few days and also make sure the parents are OK (in case there is any alcohol related domestic abuse going on).

Mammyloveswine · 24/11/2025 04:24

Please do something to intervene, I’ve had my children removed due to my drinking and home conditions and I am so ashamed, but I can recognise I that I am very seriously ill and have been neglecting my children-it kills me to admit all of this but it is what it is, alcoholism is the devil and my children are now with their dad in a lovely home environment and I’m pretty sure I won’t get them back in my care, it’s honestly killing me and im only still here because my lovely family have rallied around me and I don’t deserve it all

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