Why do I keep doing this and how do I stop?

[Piginapokie]

Went to an opening ceremony this weekend. After some very long and boring speeches there was a drinks reception. I knew there would be food, so I only ate a very small lunch. Unfortunately the food at the event wasn’t that great, so I hardly ate anything. Instead I drank a large amount of white wine. I vaguely remember getting in the car (as a passenger!). But I don’t remember going home. I remember waking up, trying to get out of bed and crashing onto the floor. I have a scrape on my knee and a huge and very painful bruise on my arse. I vomited lots, in the toilet luckily.

I was at this event with my two primary age DC. Luckily DH isn’t an idiot and was sober enough to care for the children.

Every time there is an event with free alcohol I over do it and make a fool of myself. I will be seeing some people who were there tonight and I am dreading it.

I know the answer is obvious but I can’t seem to stop doing this. I‘ve embarrassed myself so many times. There are two weddings and a few other social events coming up this summer. I feel I can’t face them without a drink, but I can’t stop after a couple.

Any advice will be gratefully received!

Poor you! You must be feeling rotten. I have been there and can tell you that this could be the last time you feel this way.

Right now just focus on yourself, your DH and children. I would apologise to them. Other people don't matter right now. If there is someone you specifically wronged you could send an apology to today or tomorrow.
Just get through today sober and then the next.

There are support groups online and face to face, numerous books and podcasts, forums and apps dedicated to staying sober.

Maybe don't go to social events until you feel stronger in staying sober there or if you go, make sure you eat beforehand and plan to leave early.

Drink lots of water, have a hot shower if you haven't already. It can get better x

I’m going to give you some practical tips for if you do drink:

Never rely on the food at an event, it may be small/delayed/something you don’t like. You said you skipped lunch, so that can be a lesson learned.

Make your drink last at least 30 minutes. Small sips or even pretend sipping can help. Check the time you get the drink and if you are getting near to finishing before the 30 minutes definitely do the pretend sipping.

For every drink have a water or soft drink. Always. Or even start on the soft drinks until there’s reliable good amount of food to go with it (dinner). Make a glass of wine last the entire meal. Three sips of water to every one of wine.

Ultimately if you don’t think you can do those things then you need to think about whether you go along and drink, or perhaps be the designated driver or have a reason not to be drinking. If this isn’t the first time you’ve been like this your family and friends at the weddings might be very relieved and not wanting to question you about not drinking.

Good luck, I guess it’s a case of you deciding whether you should drink but be better controlled over it or not.

You need to learn to face them without a drink.

I’m sorry to be so blunt, and I have been in your position many, many times- the shame is compounded by the wretched after effects of alcohol, so you are going through all sorts of pain right now. Be gentle with yourself for now - lots of water and rest.

In my case, my drinking escalated so I gave up completely, and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done.

I realised that a lot of my drinking was to escape difficult feelings, and the agony of going into social situations seemed unbearable without a drink in my hand.

What I have found is that once the initial 5 minutes is over, everything is so much easier. I’m not constantly watching myself- have I drunk too much, can I risk one more drink, am I being too loud? It’s so much easier doing these things sober, I promise.

If you want to try this, my tip is that it’s all about the glass. If you can get something sparkling in a champagne flute (and there are some very good AF fizzes out there now), who cares what’s in the glass.

And honestly, 5 minutes of awkward conversation, versus the hours of post alcohol regret? Please give it a go.

Thanks for the kind and helpful responses.

I’ve woken up with yet another hangover. My family are outside in the sunshine and I’m trying to pretend that I am fine and just want to stay inside to tidy up. Instead I’m hiding in the bathroom, occasionally vomiting.

This has to stop. I’m wasting my life and missing out on precious time with my DC, who deserve so much more.

I’m sorry you find yourself here again. I know how miserable it is.

Have you read any “quit lit”? I think you might find Annie Gray’s This Naked Mind quite helpful; or Clare Pooley’s Sober Diaries is also very good.

Whether you say internally to yourself or verbally others and/or spin an adaption on it even

“When I have one drink I turn into a different person, so I don’t want alcohol, I would love an alternative or alcohol free drink”.

@Onewildandpreciouslifegives great advice.

I hope you are feeling better today. I too have been where you were yesterday many times and understand the shame and regret. Agree that some quit lit might be useful, the best things I read in the early stages of exploring my drinking were ‘The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober’ and ‘The Sober Diaries’. Hope you enjoy your Sunday xx

Hi there,
with Summer here and all the events that are on offer for work and socially, it can be so tempting to go a bit too far and have too much to eat or drink! There are some great suggestions in the replies on this thread and trying to take control in a kind and positive may help, however, if things persist and you really feel you cannot control your drinking, even after trying different ways, you may want to try going to AA - alcoholics anonymous https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/. This is a voluntary organisation - no fees to pay and is very helpful and supportive with many local daily meetings throughout the UK and has a huge success rate

I had a few instances like this. I absolutely never had a “problem” but I would get too drunk and associated drinking with a good time. Wouldn’t want to go out for lunch if there wasn’t the opportunity for a glass of wine, otherwise what’s the point?!

the turning point for me, was two weekends on the trot where I got very drunk of wine. One we were hosting friends for lunch, they were either driving or pregnant. I was the only one really drinking and got far too drunk - couldn’t even carry a tray of coffees mid afternoon. The following weekend I went to a friends birthday dinner and I drank far too much wine, argued with one of her friends husband (he was very rude!), even the owner of the restaurant commented on how quickly I was drinking the rose. The following day to both these occasions I felt an overwhelming sense of shame and embarrassment. Also being hungover and “wasting” one of my weekend days was too much. I decided then to tail off my drinking significantly and haven’t really drunk since!

I always thinking, the following day I NEVER regret not drinking - but I would regret drinking

You just need to stop drinking. I feel for you but think of the message you’re giving your kids. Do you want them to remember you passing out and vomiting, being unable to get up the next day?

Read some of the quit lit/podcssts. Stay away from triggers for now until you’re feeling stronger. Life is a lot easier alcohol free.

You need to stop drinking altogether. Play the video to the end… Do you really think this is going to end well? You know that you can't limit what you drink. I don't like that people are advising you to try that. It's far better that you accept the power of the alcohol and that you are not a match for it so you're not going to compete and you are going to take yourself out of the game altogether.

Hi there.

My advice is to look in to The Sinclair Method. It works for me. I just wish I’d started it a very, very long time ago.

sending you love x

What happens if you say to yourself 'I will never drink again'? How do you feel? I have been where you are and although it's all quite recent I have now stopped drinking completely because one or two is never enough for me. If I have one, I have 10. As pp have said start with the quit lit, there are loads of good reads, some very funny. I didn't go to AA because I'm not religious and don't like people :). There are however, loads of fabulous online forums and groups of really open and supportive people. Only you know where you are and what you think you need to do but once you do there is a huge community out there to help.

You keep doing it because you put booze before everyone else. You can stop by putting other people first.

I would have been mortified if my mum had guzzled wine and fallen over. I'd be upset if my mum was often too hungover to spend time with me.

Your husband must be embarrassed by it and fed up. Your family are more important than your love of wine so put them first.

Trust me, it is distressing for children to see their parent (especially their Mother) hammered drunk and puking up..been there, done that. You can’t drink anymore. End of.
check out The Alcohol Experiment-Annie Grace.

I relate. The shame was overwhelming. Moderating didn’t work for me; there would always be times where I drank like that even if I was sensible in between. I’m two months dry. Just not drinking is surprisingly easy, far easier than saying no to a third glass (or bottle).