I think I have a problem

[TiaMx]

Hi!
I think I’ve finally come to the realisation that my drinking habits are a problem.

I don’t drink a lot. I don’t crave alcohol on a day to day basis.
My issue is that when I do drink it’s all or nothing. I have no self control, no limit. I will drink until I black out. The scary thing is I can black out for hours and still be awake, having conversations etc. I just cannot ever remember anything the next day. Hours or just nothing.

it doesn’t matter how much I tell myself before hand, ‘just have 1 or 2’ as soon as they’ve gone I’ll just carry on and on. People around me will just continue to give me more because they don’t realise how bad I am. (Not their fault in the slightest)
My partner often says ‘just say no’ but I genuinely don’t realise I’m doing it once I’ve already had a few.

With the black outs comes the absolute worst anxiety for days after of ‘what did I do, say etc’.
I don’t want to be the person I am when I’m drunk. I’m 33. I’m embarrassed constantly after.

My worry is, it’s just so accessible isn’t it. Family/friends bbqs, alcohol. Weddings, alcohol. Dinner with friends, alcohol. Etc. all of my friends and family are big social drinkers, I would never expect them to stop for me I just need to find the power to say no. Do I avoid those people, places? Even for a little while. How do you not just go back to caving in.

i know it’s going to be hard to do things and I’m just hoping someone has been in the same position and can give some outlook on how they navigate it. Or maybe someone currently going through similar who understands!

I really want to change, I’m hoping someone has some tips on things that helped them. Thanks in advance!

hope all that rambling makes sense!

I’m exactly the same as what you describe. Spent all day in bed throwing up yesterday and torturing myself now about what I did/said/who I offended/was inappropriate to

I hate it

To be blunt, you just need to stop drinking. Say no to the first drink.

If you wanted to give a reason, you could lie and say it’s been affecting your sleep, so you want to give up for a few weeks

You don't have to ever drink, it's not compulsory.

I’m going to not drink and see how I get on. I’m surprised I have a husband left after how I carry on, I hate myself

I’m going to do the same. I think I’m just going to have to avoid social interactions for a while to start it off because my lack of self control as a grown adult is scary.
I know how you feel. Hoping we can both figure it out! 😩

Drink remorse is the absolute pits. I stopped about five years ago but did it in a low key way. I just said I'm quitting for a bit as it's not agreeing with me. That became my stock answer and people accepted it. I said for some reason it was giving me hives. It meant nobody tried to persuade me to "just have one". I realised that freedom from anxiety was a million times better than any fun I had while drinking. I really don't want to go back to it now. Good luck. Keep focusing on the benefits and dealing with the odd pang will hopefully be no big deal .x

One thing I found helpful when I gave up smoking was to think of a positive rather than a negative. So instead of thinking 'I won't drink', buy yourself a glass or bottle of something fancy and non-alcoholic (there's loads out there) and look forward to drinking that. Or think of the money you'll save and use that to treat yourself to something nice. Try to feel like you're indulging yourself rather than depriving yourself.

@Kingsleadhat I've just posted about thinking of the benefits and forgot to mention that: freedom from anxiety. Yes! One of the things that nagged away at me when I smoked was constant anxiety about my health. It was wonderful to get rid of that and to feel that I was no longer a slave to nicotine. I could actually leave the house without checking I'd got fags and lighter and I felt free at last.

@Kingsleadhat that is such good advice thank you.
I think I made my friends and family sound awful but they really aren’t. They just have no issues like me, so don’t see the harm in casual drinking. The ‘one won’t hurt’ is so harmless to them. Saying I had a reaction actually sounds like a good idea!

im really determined to stick to it. I never want to feel like it again. It really is the worst feeling!

If you use instagram/tiktok I'd suggest looking up Millie Gooch/Sober Girl Society. She posts really relatable/helpful content (and also has a book, The Sober Girl Society Handbook).

I have no affiliation but have found her posts really helpful and motivating!

@kellygoeswest i actually found her TikTok yesterday. Related so much and I think that’s part the reason I realised it is a problem and not something that should be happening! I’ll definitely be ordering her book. Thank you!

If you are a beer drinker, NA beer really will be your friend.

You need to say no to the first drink. Choose literally anything else instead.

Agreed. It also helps other people to forget that you're not drinking. I like Nanny State, Aashi Zero and the ubiquitous Lucky Saint

Hi there.

You’re not alone, there’s millions of us. I have spent my entire life trying to moderate and stop repeating shambolic behaviour. I have spent 20 odd years weekend binge drinking and more often than not to the point of blackout. Nine times out of 10 I’ll be able to get up in the morning and have my normal routine, exercising, going for a run or a walk, socialising and seeing the family, et cetera, but mentally I felt like I complete disaster and by the time Monday would come I’d be a former shadow of my Friday self 😔 So in thr last five years I started a journey to educate myself on alcohol and cut back, but when it got to the point of wanting to stop and finding myself not able to at the weekend I realised that alcohol was actually bigger than me 😳 I have had long periods of abstinence, I know the benefits of not drinking, but I couldn’t do it on willpower alone. I would reach 20 days max and start moderating then failing to moderate and right back where I started. It was driving me insane, the constant chatter in my head to drink or not to drink.

I’ve done a lot of research over the last few years, and after trying every single thing out there including quit lit (my faves: Abi feltham on Instagram, They think it’s all sober podcast, bryony Gordon and Davinia Taylor on insta) hypnotherapy and AA, I read about The Sinclair Method …. I’m now on my second weekend and it’s given me an off switch that I’ve never had. It’s not for everybody, and you will probably be able to quit easier than me- but for me it’s life changing and I only wish that I’d got started years and years ago. I now have a small wine at the weekend each evening, I don’t want any more, I go to bed with a clear head. I wake up feeling fresh. Thank god I found Dr Janey Merron as she’s helped me change my life, or, the second part of my life for sure!

There’s also a wonderful community called dryy (it’s an app) started by Andy Ramage, (OYNB) and the people in there are just beautiful, so kind and inspiring. It’s free. I would definitely recommend posting in their chat room too.
you maybe able to do it just through willpower and a strong mindset realising that you’re not losing anything by not drinking, you’re getting it all back, but for me…. I didn’t find it at all possible 😫 but I’m alright now ☀️👑
❤️‍🩹❤️