Can you have an alcohol problem without realising you have a problem?

[ivybridget]

This is not me but someone in my workplace who I wouldn't really call a friend, more someone I very occasionally socialise with at work-related get-togethers. I don't work with her closely but our paths cross depending on work.

I'm really aware this is possibly/probably none of my business but as someone with a tricky alcohol history myself I do feel concern/compassion for another human being. That said, what I observe/hear about this woman is not similar to my experience. I was someone who preferred to drink alone/at home whereas this person is a party animal.

Quite a few people have in recent months been talking (gossiping?) and wondering if there is a problem.

*She is 50 or 51 but regularly comes into the office with drinking stories of what she got up to at the weekend (things that may have been funny when we were 20 but make me shudder now)
*Always chewing gum or sucking mints or wearing heavy perfume which I assume is to mask tobacco and/or alcohol
*injuries she's proud to tell people about sustained under the influence - over the last month or so a concussion from falling down a flight of steps in the street, a leg wound from a broken gin bottle at home, bumps and bruises from parties and concerts, a hospital or a and e admission from a fall in her garden.
*I've heard but I don't know if it's true that her partner and two of her sons have previously been banned from driving for dui.

From what I see this person doesn't seem to think she is any kind of problematic drunker. BUT like I said, I don't know her as a close friend/colleague. Also, with my own history, perhaps I'm too sensitive/hyper aware of signs of problem drinking. Perhaps she just "likes a drink".

In any case, I don't think there is anything I could do.

Of course.
Its called denial.

A lot of us will think we don’t have an issue with alcohol because ‘Sue down the road drinks 5 bottles of wine a week and she’s not an alcoholic/I don’t drink quite as much’ etc etc.

it won’t be a problem to her because she still feels like they are funny antics that give her humorous anecdotes, or rather she kids herself that people think she’s being humorous. If her DH & sons also drink like that then it will just sadly be very ‘normal’ for them all.

Yes very common.

my mum says regularly that you can take the glass of wine out of her cold dead hand but she also doesn’t have a drinking problem

Thanks for your responses, both. I think I hesitated to believe she has a problem because she seems so open about her drinking whereas when I was over-drinking I was very aware that I was overdoing it. I was secretive and hid how much I was drinking.

I guess we are all very different.

I do agree that people normalise their drinking by comparing to others who seem "worse" and that they surround themselves with fellow drinkers.

Question not just specific to this person, but does excessive drinking tend to just end in one of two ways? ie

1. You stop and sort your life out (whether AA or another programme or DIY)
2. Something drastic happens, either health-wise or accident or breaking the law.

How much of a middle ground is there where people "function" long term?

I have a friend who is a heavy drinker and she surrounds herself with people who drink far more. Think the table in Wetherspoons where all the red faced noisy people sit day in day out. She’s in her 40s and is constantly getting into drink related issues, arguments, minor injuries etc

She denies having a drink problem even though her entire life revolves around alcohol.

I had an issue with drink at one point for a few years - it was one of those things where life was stressful and I got into the habit of a few 'relaxing' drinks in the evening which was 2 drinks a night and gradually grew to 8 then I started having a drink earlier in the day and even sometimes one in the morning. After a very drunk new years eve where I made a fool of myself again, and had the most horrendous hangover, I decided to stop for a year. It wasn't so hard after the first 3 weeks and it sort of reset my brain to remember that I didn't actually need drink to relax and if anything it was making me more anxious. I still drink but nowhere near as often (certainly not every day and only a couple when I do). I haven't had a hangover in many many years as I know my limits. I have several friends who still drink a lot and I think they know it is an issue but would never admit it as it is such an important part of their life - they don't want to stop.

So yes you can have an issue without knowing. It didn't occur to me that I was on a slippery slope until I stopped.

I work in a supermarket and serve many people who buy a bottle of vodka every day or a ten pack of lager every evening. They would all strenuously deny that they have any kind of problem with alcohol and that they only drink the evenings 'to relax'. It's actually rather scary how prevalent this is, and that they will be driving and working the following day. But it's not up to me to judge or say anything - I actually think (from the reasons and excuses they give me when we chat) that they know deep down that it's a bit much, but everyone else is doing it, so they don't feel 'different'.

Sounds like a problem drinker. You can be in this situation without drinking daily too.

someone I knew was like this, no one else said anything but I could smell the alcohol, is it ketones? Not sure what the smell actually is but I’m sensitive to the smell. Alas I was right and in very bad way despite not even being drunk

Yes, she’s got a problem and is hiding in plain sight. By boasting about her exploits, she’s normalising them. You would have thought the injuries alone would be a wake-up call about her addiction.

Honestly I think she DOES know. Shea just getting in first to make it a "funny" story before anyone else tells it with a different spin.
I used to do the same before I quit drinking a couple of years ago. I was most definitely an alcoholic. Although at the time I wouldn't have actually thought THAT I was painfully aware I had a problem.

This kind of person drives me insane. Can’t be doing with the ‘look at me I’m so much fun’ types.
Theres a reason that there’s a recommended unit maximum and she’s setting herself up for serious health problems, as well as just being bloody annoying.

It's very unpredictable what happens in the long term. People's bodies react differently, she could go on like this indefinitely into her old age, perhaps shortened a bit by falling a lot or she dies a big drinker in her 90s. Or she could have serious health consequences much quicker. And people's psychological ability to keep on denying in the face of consequences of health, legal or social problems also varies a lot. Obviously statistically drinkers like this tend to die a lot younger unless they stop, but in any individual case things can vary hugely.