Blackout drunk every weekend.

[LetsGoDoDoDo]

I'm a professional, married, 40-something mother and ex-party girl who can't seemed to shake this habit of weekend binge drinking.

I have been sober curious for around 6 years and take regular breaks of a few weeks at a time but always fall back into bad habits. I took 68 days off last year when training for a marathon and do Dry Jan every year, plus manage to skip the odd weekend of drinking. I generally don't drink in the week because I can't stop at just one drink and tend to binge at weekends.

I'm so disappointed with myself as I know how bad this is for my health but sobriety just never sticks. I'm already bargaining with myself that I could take a few months off (which I won't stick to) then drink on my summer holiday and again over Christmas. Knowing full well that I'll just binge.

The thing is, I love being drunk. However, I've realised that I can't remember a weekend drinking session whereby I have not experienced blackout! This past weekend I drank on both Friday and Sunday and had blackouts both days. As in, I've forgotten hours of my life on both days! I'm also often sick from alcohol.

Please, I need some sense talking into me. I'm scared for my health and my sanity. I can't talk to anyone because I often "give up"... until the next time!

Will I ever be normal?

This may feel like a bad time, but it sounds like you're beginning to face up to the fact that you do have a problem.

You should also take heart that you're managing periods of time without drinking, which is encouraging.

I would suggest getting some support, to help you, either via your GP or looking for a AA groups. (some of which can be online)

Good luck, hope you can make some further progress

Some of us are just wired to not be able to drink sensibly. I think we all know the sad, boring truth is that total sobriety is the only thing that can stop what you’re describing. I recently managed an entire six months off - I had an amazing quality of life, sleep, energy, productivity, I was happy just drinking tea and watching telly on Saturday evenings etc. Then for whatever reason, I got the itch - and it’s a slippery slope. I now feel like absolute shit from drinking all weekend and it’s Thursday now!!! It just debilitates you.

I don’t have any advice other than “If you can’t have one, have none.” I hope to follow the advice myself one day.

A great book is Glorious Rock Bottom by Bryony Gordon.

I used to be exactly like you, and I could easily be back there if I don’t keep on top of my mental health, emotions and listening to quit lit regularly.
I have had many a blackout where I’ve took it to far and done some pretty embarrassing things also which gave me the worst anxiety for days after.
Alcohol also made me really unwell bloated, grumpy, snappy depressed even if I could behave and only have a couple I would still feel very low after consuming.
I would also bargain with myself only drink once a week, only drink spirits, with food, only have 3 max etc
But eventually the night would come where all bets were off and anything could happen waking up at 3am thinking how did I get to bed is a scary thought any heart raced!

Im currently 100 days AF and I can’t begin to tell you how much better I feel I’m worlds apart from the girl I once was it takes some work I had to reevaluate my life and mindset.
I started of with listening to quit lit podcasts as much as I could especially ones with other peoples stories was nice not to feel alone in the beginning.
I started exercising more and booking in early gym sessions so I wouldn’t be tempted at the weekend I did a lot of self care and literally changed my diet I started looking better and have become fitter now than in my 20s I’m early 40s.
I changed my mindset from thinking I’m missing out to how much I’m gaining especially time! You get a lot of time back so I used this to work on myself you have to get a little selfish.. harder if you have small children.
It will be hard I’ve been here a few times now there have been plenty day 1s! But if you want it and live for sobriety you can achieve it.
There will always be obstacles to overcome but you will in time get stronger and find you have a lot more confidence in everything.
I hope you start to feel better soon I know how exhausting black outs can be but I would definitely start with some podcasts on quit lit to get you started.
All the best

Well. You’ve just described me to an absolute T. I’ve done the same journey and although I’m not AF yet I’m much better than I was. Although, still not where I need to be - if you get my drift 😩

I found AA meetings really help, either face to face or online, but if you physically go to your first meeting you’ll get The Big Book and this will be your bible. You can download the AA app too which is brilliant. You can’t do it alone. You need a community and you need to tell a close friend. There more honest you are the more accepting you’ll be of your problem and more clear headed on tackling it.

My GP has been quite helpful as in organising my bloods (all normal) but wouldn’t prescribe me naltrexone or campral because he says I’m not bad enough 🤷🏻‍♀️ He has no idea how hard the struggle is and I think it’s very infair you have to hit rock bottom and be referred to a drug addiction centre before they actually give you any medication to help.

I've made positive changes such as only one bottle of wine in the house, eating a big meal and drinking electrolytes after drinking, I’ve read lots of quitit, listened to podcasts, journal and reflect, plan stuff early Saturday and Sunday etc, buy in special meals for the weekend and desserts…. I’m better than I was but moderation is a total head fuck, sometimes I can’t stop at a few, and sometimes I can.

My failsafe plan is to buy naltrexone privately. I’ve read about the Sinclair mentor (TSM) and it’s going to be the answer for me. It’s costly but worth every penny and I’ve read ALL the reviews and I can’t wait to get started on it.

You will get so much support and amazing advice in here though. The last time I had a long stint not drinking was after reading the thread “the reality of the end” in here. It made me raise where I do not want to end up. 💔

All the best of luck. I’m certainly with you 🙏🏼🌸

This was me ten years ago. I quit after a black out that left me with extreme anxiety and some social ideation which terrified me. I vowed never to feel like that again. I didn’t do AA but read lots and lots of sober lit and podcasts which acted a bit like brain washing. I just stopped after that hangover from hell. I think it’s so easy to minimise binging when you are otherwise fit and high functioning. Black outs are not normal. The excruciating self loathing that follows a binge is so destructive. I’m very glad my kids were so young that don’t remember me ever being drunk. Life has been so much better without it: no guilt or shame and weekend mornings hangover free are an absolute joy!

I was a binge drinker and it doesn’t matter that you’re “only” drinking at weekends, when you’re drinking to blackout and you can’t just have a couple of drinks it’s still the same….and means the same, alcohol dependant or alcoholic.
My advice is to ring AA who will get someone to ring you back and talk to you and if you want, get someone to take you to a meeting.
Believe me, it can and will, only get worse.

Pinot Grigio makes me blackout I recall one time I “came too” in a pub picking my nail varnish of my nails. No idea how I got there!
I like the warm feeling of alcohol and I now only drink Gin as I know there’s no dizzy hangover

You've danced around it and you haven't used the word, so here it is - alcoholism.

Nor have you mentioned the child or children you have, despite saying you're a mother, or your spouse, despite saying you're a wife.

If you're serious about your health and if being a mother and having a marriage mean anything to you, you need to call Alcoholics Anonymous.

The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. It's connection.
You are choosing to disconnect every weekend and every holiday. Why?

Im 49 and the killer hangovers would be enough to put me off, do you not spend most of your weekend hungover?

If you don’t can you cut drinking down to one night in the weekend to start with?

Bladder cancer and having to live the rest of your life with a catheter scares me enough to stop me drinking too much .

Please, I need some sense talking into me. I'm scared for my health and my sanity.

The thing is, I love being drunk.

If you love being drunk you're obviously not scared. You should want to give up because you care about yourself.

@CoffeeFluff thank you, I've just ordered it on Kindle. And you are so very correct about the lingering effects, it's taken me all week to recover from last weekend.

@TimeForNosecco congratulations on your 100 days! I've also had plenty of day 1s and attempted 100 days nany times but can't seem to get there. I often plan morning activities but end up sabotaging myself by getting hammered the night before. My DH and friends are big drinkers too, which doesn't help but ultimately I am entirely to blame.

@SpinCoffeeRepeat I've read your thread and it deeply resonates with me. How are you getting on? I'm hesitabt of AA as I don't feel like a "real" alcoholic! Daft, i know! Plus to prospect of never drinking again fills me with dread.

@mathanxiety I don't see it that way but I appreciate your perspective. I used to drink alone but hit that nail pm the head a couple of years ago (something I'm proud of). Tbh, drinking for me is how I socialise and connect, it's just that I always take it too far.

@Maitri108 fair point but its a complex beast. I associate drinking with fun and feel good at first... until I don't. If I could have the effects for the first few drinks and leave the negative side i would. I think it's fair to say that most people enjoy feeling drunk or they wouldn't do it?

I'm really scared to admit it but I am now considering attending an AA meeting. I did attend once a few years ago but felt like a fraud because I wasn't a daily drinker, hiding bottles around my house. I don't know how I'm going to get a handle on this so it might be worth another try at AA. I want to be me without the booze.

Hi op, When I first went to AA nearly 30 years ago, I felt like you, that I’m not a real alcoholic as I don’t drink daily. So, I went to see real alcoholics, to convince myself I wasn’t one.
At the meeting people share their experiences of drinking and none resonated as they were all daily drinkers, until, thank God, a guy called Peter shared and omg I could have wrote it for him….
that was when I realised, I was a binge drinking alcoholic.
I was told that the binges would over time get closer and closer until there were no sober days at all…. but i know, I would have been dead well before that…
Its not how much you drink…
Its not what you drink….
Its what it does to you when you do drink….
Just do it op, your life will change for the better 100%…. ❤️

Hi. I joined AA because I’d had enough of binge drinking at the weekend, and on one particular Sunday I’d pressed the fuck it button and the next day I realised that my drinking was bigger than me and out of my control. If I carried on drinking with that rebellious attitude I’d lose my self respect.

I am highly functioning and exercise daily, doing weights, walking (5-10k) and gym classes. I’ve a highly responsible job at executive level, volunteer in the community and use alcohol to relax. If only I could relax sensibly and not turn into Oliver reed though.

I have been on this journey for years and AA helped me turn a corner and gave me some deeper understanding of alcohol and what it does to us all eventually (those that can’t moderate).Coupled with the podcast “they think it’s all sober “ and a need to keep a grip of my lovely little life I asked my Gp for bloods (normal thank god) and a prescription for campral or naltrexone both of which he couldn’t give to me because apparently I’m not bad enough so if I want the latter I’ll go private.

Anyway, to do AA you only need a desire not to drink, I didn’t speak for the first four meetings and when I did I told the truth “my names and I don’t know if I’m an alcoholic” Everyone is amazing in AA and have their own battles and stories to tell, you leave feeling stronger and with a few friends who’ll have shared their number with you, the big book and you can also download the app online so you access meeting via zoom all day long. Plus all the literature. It’ll only serve you and give you food got thought so defo try it.

Its helped me decide NOT to drink plenty of times especially recently and also helped me decide to only have one - and reflect why one is more than enough. I’m wiring towards having none. I’m getting there. You will too ❤️‍🩹❤️

fair point but its a complex beast. I associate drinking with fun and feel good at first... until I don't. If I could have the effects for the first few drinks and leave the negative side i would. I think it's fair to say that most people enjoy feeling drunk or they wouldn't do it?

People drink for lots of different reasons, some because they're addicted.

You say you're scared then say you love to drink. My point was, you're obviously not scared as you would have stopped.

I stopped smoking after 15 years of smoking 30 a day. I loved smoking and had it not been so bad for my health, I'd still be smoking.

It took five years before I stopped craving cigarettes. However giving up wasn't complex. I stopped and went through withdrawals and came out the other side. That was 20 years ago.