Partner says it's a 'habit' but we both know it's addiction

[Beaufilgirl]

I've been with my partner for 18 months and for the entire time we've been together he has gone out multiple times a week and drank to the point of being completely wasted. Understandably, this has put a massive strain on our relationship and we've reached multiple pinnacle points where we have nearly broken up because of it. Things feel slightly better now, but there is still no end in sight in regards to his drinking 'habit', which is what he calls it instead of a binge drinking addiction. I've asked him to get help, and in the mornings after a particularly heavy night, he agrees that he needs to, but this is always short lived. I honestly don't know how much more I can take as it causes me a lot of anxiety when he is out, worrying about what might happen to him as a result of him being so highly intoxicated.

No, it makes it far easier, surely, to male the decision that this is not ok to expose a child to.

You've seen him checked out of parenting and putting his drinking first. You saw him from day one putting drinking first but you went ahead and even brought a baby into his world of addiction and dysfunction.

If you think there is anything you can do to reform him, change him, or turn this relationship into one where he cares about you or his own baby, you're in need of a good therapist yourself.

The definition of insanity is keeping on doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome.

Leave him, for the baby's sake if not for your own. Get therapy to figure out why you stayed so long and let yourself get sucked i to this.

AlAnon would be a really good resource for you.

OP if you choose to be in a relationship with an addict then there are 3 of you in that relationship =. You, Them and The Addiction. The Addiction will always take priority over anything else, including your child.

You need to leave.

I would say run, run and do not look back!

I suspect you came here to hear what you already knew and you have.
What do want to do now?

You might find it helpful to go to al-anon. Lots of people who have been where you are and can support.

Oh.

Please save yourself and your child from this total shitshow. He’s a failure.

Surely the child should make the decision easier? You can't have a child growing up thinking that's acceptable behaviour. Just move on. He can have the child when he's sober and keep his "habit" well away.

You have a baby together? Jeez, massive drip feed there OP... Makes his binge drinking even more unacceptable, irresponsible and unattractive. Seems you don't want to hear this (who can blame you?) but you'll save yourself and your DC a whole lot of heartache if you get out of this doomed relationship sooner rather than later.

Fast forward 14/15 years it will be hard to see your son drinking and you will feel like it's monkey see monkey do. The personally unless there's loads of good bits your not telling us I would leave will the baby is you. And knows no different.

I agree with PP that a child being in this situation makes it easier, not harder to leave.

This man doesn't work, he doesn't help raise your child, he drinks excessively multiple times during the week (how is he able to afford this with no job?!) what exactly is he contributing to your life together? He's 36 years old and acting like a teenager with no responsibilities. He is not a good man.

For the sake of your child, leave.

Agree with others that having a baby shouid make it easier to leave. Every month you stay is another month baby grows up in a poor environment. This will have consequences when the child gets bigger, sadly

My adult DC are awesome human beings, but I wish I had never met, let alone married, their father. He was (still is) a drinker and it was miserable to be married to him.

I’m not sure the terms you’re using are particularly helpful. I’d consider myself a recovering alcoholic (coming up to 2 years sober), but even I’m not sure I was physically addicted to alcohol. I was drinking a lot more than your partner, but I didn’t experience any withdrawal when I stopped. It probably was something more akin to a habit than an addiction, but that really doesn’t make any difference in the bigger picture of things.

If he has a drinking problem, it’s a problem. He absolutely can stop if he wants it badly enough (with appropriate support). But it’s not up to you to convince him he needs to. My Dh let me know how worried he was about me, but it came from a place of care and concern, not threats. I’m very grateful for that. But in the long run, no one would have wanted to live with me like that. You can state your concerns and how worried you are for him and how it’s impacting your life. The rest is up to him to sort out. But you and your child need to come first. If he’s out drinking 4-5 times a week, he’s missing out on so much.

Having a child would make it less complicated for me.

No way would I want to bring a kid up around a piss head, thinking their dad being out of action for what will amount to days, throughout the week, was in any way normal.

You have a child with this alcoholic? Yikes. Get out op, this won’t get better and it isn’t fair on your child. Please don’t bring them up with an alcoholic father, please don’t.

It doesn’t matter if it’s a bit or addiction. He won’t change until he’s ready and no talking and begging is going to change that because alcohol is more important than his family.

It will be hard moving out but your child needs to be your motivation. Growing up with an alcoholic father is far, far worse than growing up in a single parent family. If you stay, you increase the chances of your ds developing alcohol issues and treating you like his father does. A young man like that is going to end up miserable, mistreating his future partners and prone to other addictive substances to numb the pain.

Save him the future pain and leave. Make his childhood happy and stable with the money you save from not supporting your loser partner. Once you leave he will drink more and be angry that you’re not subbing him anymore- be strong for your son and future.

I really wish women would set the bar a bit higher and not have relationships with men like this, let alone have babies with them.

You need to leave him @Beaufilgirl & develop more self respect. You are worth so much more than he is giving you.