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Alcohol support

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Original poster

Partner says it's a 'habit' but we both know it's addiction

42 replies

Beaufilgirl · 19/02/2025 20:32

I've been with my partner for 18 months and for the entire time we've been together he has gone out multiple times a week and drank to the point of being completely wasted. Understandably, this has put a massive strain on our relationship and we've reached multiple pinnacle points where we have nearly broken up because of it. Things feel slightly better now, but there is still no end in sight in regards to his drinking 'habit', which is what he calls it instead of a binge drinking addiction. I've asked him to get help, and in the mornings after a particularly heavy night, he agrees that he needs to, but this is always short lived. I honestly don't know how much more I can take as it causes me a lot of anxiety when he is out, worrying about what might happen to him as a result of him being so highly intoxicated.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 19/02/2025 20:35

18 months isn't long in relationship terms OP. Is this what you want for the next decade or so,.with a couple of kids in the mix?

Just cut your losses. It shouldn't be this hard.

Miloarmadillo2 · 19/02/2025 20:36

Being tied in any way to an addict is going to be miserable. What is stopping you from issuing an ultimatum? You think he’ll choose the booze? Surely that tells you everything you need to know.

Nickisli1 · 19/02/2025 20:37

Things won't improve until he admits he has an addiction, and it doesn't sound like he is prepared to do that. Definitely end the relationship and work on moving on

DahliaBlooming · 19/02/2025 20:40

18 months? Sorry but it's only going to get worse and worse. Get out now

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/02/2025 20:42

DahliaBlooming · 19/02/2025 20:40

18 months? Sorry but it's only going to get worse and worse. Get out now

This.

DorothyStorm · 19/02/2025 20:42

DahliaBlooming · 19/02/2025 20:40

18 months? Sorry but it's only going to get worse and worse. Get out now

This. 18 months is nothing. Leave.

Bobbie12345 · 19/02/2025 20:43

Leave now. This is unlikely to get any better any time soon. It will be a horrible way to live your life. It may feel hard to break up now if things are good otherwise, but picture yourself at five years thinking ‘why didn’t I leave at 18 months’.

Original poster
Beaufilgirl · 19/02/2025 20:50

gamerchick · 19/02/2025 20:35

18 months isn't long in relationship terms OP. Is this what you want for the next decade or so,.with a couple of kids in the mix?

Just cut your losses. It shouldn't be this hard.

We do have a child together. So it does make it extremely complicated and hard.

OP posts:
violetsweets · 19/02/2025 20:51

Are we talking about a mature man with a home and job or a 18-21 year old enjoying a few nights out with his mates?

Original poster
Beaufilgirl · 19/02/2025 20:52

violetsweets · 19/02/2025 20:51

Are we talking about a mature man with a home and job or a 18-21 year old enjoying a few nights out with his mates?

He's 36, so way past the phase of going out with your mates for a few drinks.

OP posts:
violetsweets · 19/02/2025 20:53

Just read you have a child together so presumably a man with responsibility or so he should be.
This is not the life you want for yourself and definitely not your child.

Hotflushesandchilblains · 19/02/2025 20:53

He is clearly not going to accept this is a problem. Its too bad that there is a child now involved. But he is not going to stop because he does not think it is a problem.

BountifulPantry · 19/02/2025 21:00

I would end the relationship and focus on good co- parenting.

He can be a decent co-parent if he remains sober on the days he is with his child.

He cannot be a good partner or full time father. You don’t want your baby growing up thinking drinking like that is normal or ok.

VaddaABeetch · 19/02/2025 21:04

It doesn’t matter what you label it. It’s a problem, it’s his problem. There are no magic words that you can say that will make him change his ways. He either wants to do that or not.

Ad there a child in the mix I’m going to suggest that he isn’t going to change. He can’t or won’t. Didn’t matter which. Your responsibility is to your child

snowflakelake · 19/02/2025 21:06

He is too old to be this stupid.
You don't want to be tied to an addict who isn't doing anything to manage their addiction.
It has only been 18 months, leave.
( I've just read a child is in this mess, definitely leave, quickly)

Nickisli1 · 19/02/2025 21:09

I was in a similar situation with my ex - had a baby quickly and then realised he had a severe cannabis addiction. He also claimed it was a relaxing habit and that getting completely stoned every night was normal(!). I had to leave him for the sake of our child - you don't want them to grow up thinking that is normal behaviour. 7 years later and it was absolutely the bestcpossible decision in the circumstances. My ex is a decent enough parent when he has DD every other weekend, and my daughter is happy and well adjusted. Work on building your financial independence so you can separate and build a happy and calm home for your child. Its tough in the short term but worth it longer term

DorothyStorm · 19/02/2025 21:13

Nickisli1 · 19/02/2025 21:09

I was in a similar situation with my ex - had a baby quickly and then realised he had a severe cannabis addiction. He also claimed it was a relaxing habit and that getting completely stoned every night was normal(!). I had to leave him for the sake of our child - you don't want them to grow up thinking that is normal behaviour. 7 years later and it was absolutely the bestcpossible decision in the circumstances. My ex is a decent enough parent when he has DD every other weekend, and my daughter is happy and well adjusted. Work on building your financial independence so you can separate and build a happy and calm home for your child. Its tough in the short term but worth it longer term

Edited

So youve been seeing him for 18 months, have a 5 month old baby together, he is an alcoholic, unemployed and refuses to look after the baby, and will only even feed the baby if you ask him. What a piece of useless garbage.

leave him. He brings nothing to the table.

how old are you by the way?

edit: apologises didnt mean to quote the pp

Chonk · 19/02/2025 21:16

If he's been like this since the start, did you have a baby hoping he'd change his ways?

DorothyStorm · 19/02/2025 21:18

Chonk · 19/02/2025 21:16

If he's been like this since the start, did you have a baby hoping he'd change his ways?

Does it matter? Before having a baby I didnt wake myself up every two hours throughout the night and damage my nipples, but i still did it after my children were born.

stop excusing shitty male behaviour

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/02/2025 21:27

What @DorothyStorm said.

mathanxiety · 19/02/2025 21:30

You've spent 18 months putting up with something that you should have put up with twice at most, i.e. one week tops.

Cut your losses asap and let him sink or swim. He's not your problem and you have no future with him.

What are you waiting for?

Life isn't some Disney movie where the love of the princess reforms the brute and they swan off into the sunset, happily ever after.

Chonk · 19/02/2025 21:30

DorothyStorm · 19/02/2025 21:18

Does it matter? Before having a baby I didnt wake myself up every two hours throughout the night and damage my nipples, but i still did it after my children were born.

stop excusing shitty male behaviour

Show quote history

The award for the most ridiculous response of the evening goes to you, well done. Your nipples have zero relevance to this conversation. I'm pointing out that he isn't going to change. OP should cut her losses. That's the opposite of excusing his behaviour.

BodyKeepingScore · 19/02/2025 21:32

I say leave him. Or at the very least have him move out until he's undertaken some therapy/support with his addiction.

You owe it to your child not to raise them in a home where the shadow of addiction hangs over all their childhood experiences and memories.

He won't change unless he has a reason to, and right now, he doesn't .

Miloarmadillo2 · 19/02/2025 21:34

So following @DorothyStorm ’s lead I looked at your previous post. It’s not just the alcohol, is it? He’s unemployed and also useless and incompetent at home. He does almost nothing to care for your baby. He has other older children that he presumably is not supporting financially but he still has money to get wasted multiple times a week.
Jeez, what a prince. Being already tied to him via a child is a massive omission from the OP but the first few posts saying leave still nailed it. I hope you have the resources and support to go it alone.

NormasArse · 19/02/2025 21:36

You know what you need to do.