Where to start

[ThatLimeFinch]

Hi All
New here,

Have come to the terms i need to stop and not keep telling my self ill just have a couple tonight

had enough of feeling ill

did a stint last year in rehab - was meant to be in for 4 weeks how ever after 2 i told my self i was fine and also not having any income made me go back to work

i know i am an Alcoholic and i need to stop - managed yesterday only a small amount of drinking except today i feel worse for it

so i need to stop and come off and get clean again as i cannot go thru this and i cannot put my partner thru this anymore

background
i am male 40years old and an alcoholic

Well done on taking the first step. Have you contacted AA or similar organisations for help? Do you have a support network around you? If your a daily heavy drinker you really need to check with a GP before stopping totally or reduce the amounts slowly as it can be quite dangerous to just stop suddenly

Hi
I know i shouldnt just stop but i have done before

yes i wont sleep till the wee hours and will have bed sweats etc but i need to try and stop

i cannot keep doing this to my self

@ThatLimeFinch yes, you need to stop and no, you cannot keep doing this to yourself- it’s an awful existence which will only get worse - I’m sure you know this.
My drinking didn’t get to off-the-scale levels but I was drinking way too much and it was impacting me mentally, physically and emotionally/relationships.

I found the first few weeks relatively easy every time I’ve stopped but I kept slipping back after a few months sober, believing I had “cracked it” and I could moderate.

What has been a game changer for me is finding out about how alcohol totally changes your brain chemistry and why we keep getting pulled pack to it even after there is no alcohol left in our bodies and the physical withdrawals have worn off.

I now imagine my alcoholic brain as a plant which has been destroyed in a fire. It will, amazingly, start to grow back and flourish (the imagery works for me as I used to live in an area prone to bushfires and saw this with my own eyes) as soon as it gets sunlight and water. If you don’t allow any sunlight in and cut off its water supply, it will die. But any fuel at all, and it will grow back as strong as before.

So when I get to a few weeks/months AF and my alcoholic brain tells me “a few won’t hurt”, I imagine those few drinks as sunlight and water for the dying plant (my alcoholic brain). I visualise the plant/my alcoholic brain literally springing back into action and continuing to grow without limit.

It really has helped me sooo much - and I also got into meditation to cope with cravings. But I guess you’ve got to believe it can work for you.

good luck - you can do this and a better life awaits 💐

@Cunningfungus

Thank you for that, That does make a lot of sense,

With regards to meditation that taught us that in rehab and i did stick by it ever night , The honest Guys Still try to now ,

I believe i can do it how ever i find my job is bringing me down and makes me want to reach for a drink the moment i get home and keep telling my self oh ill cut out tommorow , then the weekend arrives and its just like the normal to crack a beer at 12 and then it all barrel rolls again

i wish i stayed in rehab for the full term as i lost any Aftercare from the centre as i left early and left my number for other people i was with to reach out but no one did , i think the rehab staff wiped my number of the board , did try and reach back out after i left to ask them to pass my number on but nothing as i feel talking to people i was with for that 2 weeks may have helped me be stronger than i am

@ThatLimeFinch it was my job that started me on the slippery slope. I couldn’t switch off at night so a glass of wine to help me sleep turned to two turned to a bottle etc.

I was lucky that I could eventually leave and get another less stressful job. Looking back I wish I’d done that sooner but I thought I could handle it all. Truth is no one could handle all that was expected of me for longer than a year or so.

Is changing jobs an option? Can you do something straight after work to delay going home (gym, long walk, cinema)? Anything to break the habit - because a lot of it is a habit that the booze has trained your brain to stick to.

@Cunningfungus

Thats exactly the problem i have at present, Get home and drink in hand to try and block the work out, and if i dont drink or have very little my mind is active all night long, Even in REHAB Sessions the other people there said its work thats got me here , and TBH I should have looked for another job especially when my boss is not very understanding even after the 15+ Years i have been here,

I am going to try and take one day at a time, Try and eat better and drink much better, i enjoyed drinking Just tea when i was in Rehab, didnt like to socialise much but thats just me , i have a very small social network and keep my self to my self mainly, Its My partner and dog that keeps me going,

i just need to try and put a handle on things,

i even use work as an excuss on saturdays to come into work to avoid being close to a drink even done sundays in the workplace to avoid being at home where i can easily make an excuse to pop to the shop for a drink

slippery slope as you say

@ThatLimeFinch try to change your mind set into what you can gain rather than what you are giving up?

I remember Rebel Wilson going for her “year of health” whereby she prioritised herself, exercised, ate healthy and lost shed loads of weight. Ok so she had the financial means to go to a fancy clinic, probably not work too much etc but I think the underlying message is helpful.

I am currently putting myself first (still taking husband and kids needs into account) and only doing what I want to do - saying “no” to crap stuff I don’t want to do but did to “be nice” (eg long nights with negative, energy sapping “friends”). I’m doing some form of exercise every day even if it’s only some squats and sit ups. I’ve cut out all processed foods and am eating more whole foods - it’s amazing how much veg you can get for the price of a bottle of wine!

Weight loss wasn’t a specific aim but I am 2 stone overweight and I’ve lost a few pounds so that’s a bonus. I’m less breathless on the stairs and sleeping better (still not the full night, but much better). My brain feels sharper and I’ve stopped doom scrolling and started reading books again.

I’m not saying I’m out the woods but I am not missing them the wine at all. It’s taken about 4 months (with a few blips) but I feel much stronger mentally.

Is your partner supportive? Do they still drink? Would they be willing to do say a long walk with you when the booze starts calling? My husband has a few beers most nights but he now takes them in the bath so I don’t need to watch and he’s stoped having wine.

I’m really rooting for you! I fekn hate alcohol now and the misery it causes.

Thank you for the words off support it defiantly helps

and yes my partner is positive and is willing stop with me

its a long slope and i am well aware and getting back into reading, maybe lego building will help along the way, even turned down a stag weekend coming up as dont want to risk it , need to channel my old mind set and make forward steps as at present i feel like i am just walking backwords and have no one but my self to blame

Have you given AA a try, OP? It's very hard to change something like this on your own, relying on willpower. It's great that you really want to make the change but addiction thrives on isolation - you'll have a better chance of succeeding if you let people who've been in your shoes help you.

I found podcasts really helpful when the wine witch started calling me after work. It allowed me to think about booze but in a productive way (not the hours wasted thinking about what to drink, when if was okay to start, did I need to get more in etc)

You've had some great advice already. Take one day at a time and good luck.