to be sad it’s ended but know it’s the right thing

[Freddie15VES]

i know i’ve posted before but im just sat here struggling and there’s always so much great support on here

i separated from my drink dependant partner a couple of days ago. he is also the father to my 2 children

i just feel so sad that he couldn’t have just tried to stop drinking. why was it more important than us

ive been with him for 10 years, we’ve been through so much and i know im an idiot for even saying this, but ill miss him

i just can’t take the hiding of beer cans, the sneaking, lying, gaslighting, dumbing it down etc anymore

i need to keep strong but all i want right now is a hug from him. we’re currently staying in the same house so i think i need to ask him to leave as it’s too hard for me

am i an absolute idiot to be mourning our relationship when he’s done so many hurtful things to me?

You aren't an idiot to be mourning a relationship with a person you love. The fact that the relationship has deteriorated into something you no longer wish to be part of is sad, and something you are allowed to be sad about. You can miss the person you fell in love with, and made a family with, who isn't the person you have now ended a relationship with.

A period of grief is completely understandable.

It doesn't mean you have made the wrong choice but you do need to give yourself space to have those feelings.

Ultimately you need to be kind to yourself.

This is very sage advice, put very well and I would endorse every word!

I made this decision three years ago. Two things 1. You can't change people. 2. You probably love a version of this man you've created in your head.

This is him, his alcoholism has nothing to do with you or your kids so stop taking it personally. If he ever stopped he'd need to do it for himself and face up to whatever emotions he's dulling with booze. My ex has no concept of his behaviour and he ruined my eldest daughter's childhood, I stayed too long.

Time to stop romanticising the potential you see in this man as it's not real. This is who he is. Pour that ambition into yourself. Look at your potential, that's real and it's going to come true. The peace you will feel once you shake this guy off will be priceless. It's your time now. Get excited to find out who you really are, what you live to do, spend your energy on your kids not this man that drains it all and doesn't appreciate you. A better life awaits op, I've never known peace like I have now it's so good

Oh and you won't miss him for long, ride this out and invest in good friendships. Once you realise how good people treat you, you'll realise the crap you accepted off this man is unforgivable. There's no excuse for treating people badly, drink problems or not. Focus on the reality not the fantasy, what are you really losing here? Hug your kids and take comfort knowing you're fully available to shower all your energy and love on them