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Original poster

Is he an Alcoholic

17 replies

Amar8989 · 22/01/2025 21:37

I’ve been seeing my partner for under a year. He’s been through quite a lot over the last 5 years. However I am getting concerned regarding his drinking. I have 3 kids, and have my hands full and I’ve said I can’t support him if he can’t stop drinking (or cut down) as my kids are my absolute priority.
On average he drinks 1/4 to 1/2 a bottle of spirits and 4/5 beers daily, that’s what I see when he is with me. He may not drink as much during the week whilst working, but if he doesn’t finish a bottle he will always take it home with him. This does make me angry as he’ll then want it replaced for next time he visits. Some weekends he’ll start drinking the minute he wakes up. I used to give him money, but have stopped as I couldn’t afford to keep giving him money to buy drink when I struggle to buy food.
I’m worried about the reality of his relationship with alcohol. I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing by speaking about it with him or asking him to cut down as I find he just goes quiet for a few days, still checking in but definitely avoiding speaking to me as I know he’s been drinking. We are great together, and when sober he is my best friend, but I’ve started to dread seeing him drinking in the morning as he won’t stop until he’s passed out. He is also very selfish when drinking and puts himself in situations which prioritise alcohol over me.

Any advice would be appreciated. It would break my heart to finish it, but I have to prioritise myself and my children.

OP posts:
fruitcakemakesmesick · 22/01/2025 21:37

Yes. Without doubt. I'd leave.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 22/01/2025 21:40

Run for the hills. Asking him to cut down will not work - he is an alcoholic.

OatFlatWhiteForMePlease · 22/01/2025 21:40

Amar8989 · 22/01/2025 21:37

I’ve been seeing my partner for under a year. He’s been through quite a lot over the last 5 years. However I am getting concerned regarding his drinking. I have 3 kids, and have my hands full and I’ve said I can’t support him if he can’t stop drinking (or cut down) as my kids are my absolute priority.
On average he drinks 1/4 to 1/2 a bottle of spirits and 4/5 beers daily, that’s what I see when he is with me. He may not drink as much during the week whilst working, but if he doesn’t finish a bottle he will always take it home with him. This does make me angry as he’ll then want it replaced for next time he visits. Some weekends he’ll start drinking the minute he wakes up. I used to give him money, but have stopped as I couldn’t afford to keep giving him money to buy drink when I struggle to buy food.
I’m worried about the reality of his relationship with alcohol. I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing by speaking about it with him or asking him to cut down as I find he just goes quiet for a few days, still checking in but definitely avoiding speaking to me as I know he’s been drinking. We are great together, and when sober he is my best friend, but I’ve started to dread seeing him drinking in the morning as he won’t stop until he’s passed out. He is also very selfish when drinking and puts himself in situations which prioritise alcohol over me.

Any advice would be appreciated. It would break my heart to finish it, but I have to prioritise myself and my children.

You are struggling to afford food and at times paying for his alcohol, that is not making your DC your priority. End it with him, he is an alcoholic.

Lesina · 22/01/2025 21:48

He is an addict and his priority will always be his addiction unless he is willing to seek help. I would remove him from your life. The damage he may do is significant. Good luck

mynameiscalypso · 22/01/2025 21:50

Is he there, drinking all day, while your kids are there?

Wolfiefan · 22/01/2025 21:51

It’ll break your heart more to stay and see him drink himself to death and bugger your relationship with your kids.

Purinea · 22/01/2025 21:54

You’re buying him alcohol and you were giving him money that means you struggle to feed your kids. You dread seeing him drink in the mornings and he drinks until he passes out (in front of your children?)

what part of what you’ve said is making you doubt if he’s an alcoholic, or unsure if he is good to have around dc?

you can’t ask him to cut down, he is an alcoholic. He can’t stop drinking until he wants to, and even then it’s a long road, requiring professional help and statistically with many relapses.

Anonym00se · 22/01/2025 21:56

This does make me angry as he’ll then want it replaced for next time he visits.

You’ve been bankrolling his habit? You say you’re struggling to buy food but you’re giving him money and buying him booze. Think of what you could for your children with that money. You’re absolutely doing the right thing getting rid of him. Don’t force your children to suffer.

Fundays12 · 22/01/2025 22:07

He is an alcoholic. That's a huge amount of alcohol to consume on a frequent basis. Please get out now this will end badly for you and your kids if you don't.

Anand25 · 22/01/2025 22:52

Fundays12 · 22/01/2025 22:07

He is an alcoholic. That's a huge amount of alcohol to consume on a frequent basis. Please get out now this will end badly for you and your kids if you don't.

+1. He isnt even your kids’ dad: prioritise them

He is 💯 an alcoholic, he will drag you didn’t in so many ways: seen this with family

End it. Up to him if he seeks treatment: absolutely not your problem

IDespairOfTheHumanRace · 22/01/2025 22:59

You really need to ask?

Original poster
Amar8989 · 22/01/2025 23:02

Thank you everyone, I knew what the answers were going to be, but I think I just needed to see it in writing. I think I knew he was an alcoholic, especially since I can’t trust him when he says he hasn’t been drinking. I’ve stopped giving him money, but he borrows from friends and family so I know the only solution is to finish it. I’ve been reading stories on here about how quickly things can turn for an alcoholic and they become drastically ill. The thread about the reality of the end is an eye opener.
My children always have ample food, I would never cut back anything for them. It’s me, I have a budget a week I like to stick to and I have to cut back on my food. My children are with their other parents when he is here, so they never witness anything. When he is with them he is sober (that I can tell) and he is great with them, but it’s not enough. I just thought it was the festive season, and lots of parties, but coming into January nothing has changed. If anything it’s got worse.

OP posts:
Original poster
Amar8989 · 22/01/2025 23:07

Anand25 · 22/01/2025 22:52

+1. He isnt even your kids’ dad: prioritise them

He is 💯 an alcoholic, he will drag you didn’t in so many ways: seen this with family

End it. Up to him if he seeks treatment: absolutely not your problem

Show quote history

This is what I needed to hear. I know it’s a problem, and I’m still in a position I can walk away. Thank you for your honesty

OP posts:
Anand25 · 22/01/2025 23:14

So glad you are opening your eyes to this, I’ve seen so much heartbreak in the family, young widows, kids losing their dad young (& it’s a horrible way to go, horrible to witness)

Read the SAHM alcoholic thread for the impact it will have on your kids 🥲

He was an alcoholic before you met him, and you can’t help him: in fact you are (unwittingly) enabling him

The best thing you can do for him is leave & tell him why

No contact so you don’t get dragged back: tell him to not contact you (by text before you block him). Contact police if he does so after: it’s harassment then

Think of yourself, and if you can’t put yourself first the put your kids first xx

Original poster
Amar8989 · 22/01/2025 23:26

Anand25 · 22/01/2025 23:14

So glad you are opening your eyes to this, I’ve seen so much heartbreak in the family, young widows, kids losing their dad young (& it’s a horrible way to go, horrible to witness)

Read the SAHM alcoholic thread for the impact it will have on your kids 🥲

He was an alcoholic before you met him, and you can’t help him: in fact you are (unwittingly) enabling him

The best thing you can do for him is leave & tell him why

No contact so you don’t get dragged back: tell him to not contact you (by text before you block him). Contact police if he does so after: it’s harassment then

Think of yourself, and if you can’t put yourself first the put your kids first xx

Thank you. This is really good advice. The effect it has on children is heartbreaking. My children are my absolute world, and I would never intentionally put them in an environment which is harming to them.
I think the last few days the doubt has been creeping in, the reality that he always puts alcohol first. I know January is hard for everyone financially, but seeing how he prioritises alcohol over food, and borrows money for drink is hitting it home that it’s not someone I want in my life or around my kids. Even just writing it down angers me as he so easily asks for money and doesn’t consider how it leaves that person short. I’m grateful though for the anonymity of online and the bluntness of advice.

OP posts:
Anand25 · 22/01/2025 23:33

It’s good you are angry. I dated an alcoholic myself (a few dates over a couple of months).

Ended it when he got drunk at a wedding and became aggressive… I had missed the signs which is easy to do

So: don’t look back, look forward

Alcoholics are sneaky (it’s not them, it’s their illness) and will drag you down if you let them

Original poster
Amar8989 · 22/01/2025 23:46

Anand25 · 22/01/2025 23:33

It’s good you are angry. I dated an alcoholic myself (a few dates over a couple of months).

Ended it when he got drunk at a wedding and became aggressive… I had missed the signs which is easy to do

So: don’t look back, look forward

Alcoholics are sneaky (it’s not them, it’s their illness) and will drag you down if you let them

Thank you.
I’m sorry you’ve been in the same position. It’s so hard to see sometimes, particularly when the culture of my age group is drinking in all occasions. If I’m honest with myself it’s not just the drinking, it’s the financial strains that comes with it. I’ve noticed I’m cutting down on my lifestyle to accommodate his drinking, and seeing the amount I’ve given him that he’s wasted on his habit does make me angry. That’s what I need to keep reminding myself of. As another reply said, think of what I could have used that money for with my kids. I think he knows he’s using me, I don’t doubt for a moment he has feelings, but really I’m just another source for him to use to facilitate his drinking, and that’s the harsh reality of it. His drinking has probably got worse since we got together because I’m another source of income he didn’t have before. It makes me feel sad and used.

OP posts:
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