Children’s services referral when we asked for help from gp

[Fupoffyagrasshole]

My husband called the gp today as he’s been struggling a bit feeling down and stresseed and he’s been drinking more than usual (I pointed it out that I felt he was having a drink most evenings after work)
we have a baby and a toddler and life is pretty crazy at the moment we are both finding it tough - it’s just relentless and we have no family around for any help just us.
anyway he called the gp to see what help might be available for him (counselling etc) and he did a questionnaire over the phone and he’s been told the gp is making a referral to social services because of the drinking and him being in a carer role as a parent.
is this normal practice? What can we expect to happen

That’s exactly what’s happened he was super stressed last night barely slept and now he’s in a rush to get to work and he’s worried he’s going to miss the call if he’s in a meeting or something and that it will look bad. That’s not helpful to someone already struggling.

anyway hopefully he gets the call today and we can just put it behind us.

im just glad he’s talking g to me about it all as he used to hide this stuff from me and that he was struggling with his mental health - but since having some Counselling shortly after the baby was born he’s much better at communicating and not bottling things up thankfully!

I’m sorry it’s made him so stressed. The Family Hub people here offer supportive things like parenting courses, they try to identify emerging issues with SEN (why parents are sometimes stressed) the HV used to come and see me additionally as my H is chronically ill. It can be a really positive experience- I hope they do support you as parenting is a marathon.

Of course it can be a positive experience and it is indeed for many families.

It only is one if you need it though, not if it's rammed down your throat.

so they called him Back today to say case dropped.

They sent an email with links to him and when they called asked if he’s looked at them - he said he well no I’m at work and she said oh right ok look at them when you get a chance

so guess that’s the end of it!

jeez what a drama so glad it’s all over with

Where was the drama? The GP referred as they were obliged to do, and social services left a message, signposted your husband to helpful resources and had a phone call to check in - none of that sounds dramatic to me!

It is good that they are making contact to offer support if needed. I hope they will be able to help with this family challenge.

The drama as in the stress it caused us we spent 2 days on edge worried about this.

Pleased all was ok in the end OP. Good luck to your DH

Yes, you were stressed, but if was all self inflicted! Nothing stressful actually happened. I am glad that you are feeling better now.

No it wasn’t self-inflicted. It’s reasonable that they felt nervous and worried about this. It’s not an everyday occurrence for 99% of people. He’s clearly already feeling stressed and this was an extra worry. In fact, it would be a little bit strange for somebody not to be at all perturbed about this type of thing.

Op an ideal situation is when social services get involved and are actually able to help a family before things hit crisis point, than having to come in when it's already too late and harm has been done.

If your dh is drinking more through the week to cope with stress and he's worried about it but still doing it, then that's sounding a lot like the early stages of functioning alcoholism. And 99.9% of times people feel embarrassed about misuse of alcohol and will downplay it even when asking for help.

There are supports that social services can put in place, referrals to alcohol misuse programmes for your dh and family support services for you and your dc too if needed - this can be as simple as places to go to learn about it and ways you can support your dh or maybe looking at what support would take stresses off you both. Unless there are other issues it's likely to be open, signpost and give advice and close.

It sounds like this was a private GP who felt obliged to do all the things (and probably doesn’t have a lot of experience dealing with alcohol misuse). And therefore has caused more stress than he alleviated. Certainly not everyone who is a parent with a drinking problem necessarily needs SS involvement. Now I don’t drink, but certainly most of the parents of dc’s friends drink about as much as your dh does (and I wouldn’t say any of them necessarily need SS involvement either). I’m glad it worked out okay though. If your dh does want support for his drinking, one year no beer might be useful or the Try Dry app.

Thanks @mindutopia yeah I think the gp was a bit of an over reaction but anyway guess she’s just doing her job

and agree the level of drinking he was discussing is tiny! We always have a drink or 2 at weekend when kids in bed ! Sometimes we have friends over for dinner and drinks (only way we can see people as we don’t really have childcare to go out much together)

any kids birthday parties we go to there’s always alcohol and all the parents seem to be drinking ! So I hardly think it’s unusual

all he was flagging was that he noticed last few weeks he’s been having a beer on evenings during the week which wouldn’t be usual for him and he thought it was a bit of a flag that he was using those drinks to try and de stress!!

he noticed it and did something about it immediately !

children services lady agrees and case is closed! Phew

I asked for support regarding MH. I wasn't honest when doing the questionnaire. I downplayed things. My HV was informed that I had low mood. Apparently it is standard practice if you have children under 5 and disclose MH issues to automatically flag to the HV. I imagine you H was honest and disclosed higher needs, meeting a threshold for SS rather than HV. Honestly, I feel that this was just a barrier to getting well. I didn't pursue support because I didn't trust them. I won't be honest about my issues, and think it's pointless if you can't actually share stuff. Don't get me wrong so things have to be flagged but only if you are a risk to your kid .