Is my husband an alcoholic?

[Foxyrose4]

When we met he'd been through a messy divorce & was pretty much drinking 2 bottles of wine a night, it's now drastically reduced but he'll find any excuse for a drink... it's the weekend, it's his day off, good news, bad news, good day at work, bad day at work, Christmas, Easter the cats birthday etc etc. It's caused so many arguments in the past & I hate the way he acts when he's drunk he's certainly not a funny drunk.

He doesn't cook much due to work but when he does the recipe always & I mean always has alcohol in (red/white wine, beer, brandy), the smallest amount goes in the cooking & of course he has to drink the rest.
He doesn't hide his drinking & it's not like he gets up & needs a drink first thing but once he starts he just can't seem to stop. Last night was the final straw he bought wine & brandy for a recipe half the wine went in the cooking he drank the rest & only a small amount of brandy went in the cooking he then drank the rest of a 35cl bottle all before 5pm & with the kids around.
I've told him he needs to move out as I can't put up with his drinking & I won't have the kids around it either but is he actually an alcoholic or just someone who likes a drink a bit too much?

That’s far more than just a bit too much isn’t it. I hope he wasn’t driving the next day. If his alcohol consumption is affecting his relationships then of course it’s an issue.

He definitely has a problem with alcohol.

The definition of an alcoholic is “ is it effecting your work and or loved ones ?” but it does not matter if an expert would label him alcoholic or not
you have options , is he likely to accept help and get better ?

No he won't get help because as far as he's concerned he doesn't have any problem despite it causing no end of arguments it's his way to relax apparently

You can’t change his drinking. If he doesn’t want to change then he won’t. You can only protect you and the kids.

The actual label is really unimportant here. He's drinking a lot and his behaviour is not behaviour you want to live with. Absolutely fair enough, neither would I. I know it's hard and you feel like of he had this label you could justify splitting up easier but really he's not going to accept it so you need to do what's right for you.

What even is an alcoholic? Someone who is dependent on alcohol. It doesn’t really matter how much they drink. If they drink only at weekends but splurge at the weekend etc .
If he has to drink that much then he is alcohol dependent and if you hate the way he acts when drunk you have every right to put your foot down- both for you and the DC.

As a wife of a recovering alcoholic I completely sympathise. My story is a long one but to cut it short we hit rock bottom when after 6 years of me putting up with it I put my foot down. I told him to move out as I needed to get out of the toxic environment he was creating for me and the kids.

It all started when I noticed that not a single day would go by when he wasn't drinking. He also started consuming any alcohol he could find in the house (left over wine that was put aside for cooking etc...). Then it escalated to him not being able to get up in the mornings, regularly being late for work, falling asleep every time he sat on the sofa, letting himself go which everyone noticed as he was a really clean cut smart type of guy. We also started arguing every day as he thought he was funny when drunk when in fact he was being a twat and winding us all up.

So we had a break, he nearly lost us in the process. He had time to reflect and admitted he had a problem. He is now 11 months sober, attending aa meetings and doing really well.
The main thing I wanted to say to you is that I was only scratching the surface with what I was witnessing. When the truth all came out it transpired that he kept boxes of beers in his van and would drink throughout the day. When we were on a 'break' I found numerous cans and bottles hidden throughout the house (in the loft, shed etc...). I felt stupid that I hadn't seen how bad it was but then I guess when you love someone you don't want to believe it's actually happening.

Anyway good luck with whatever you decide to do but don't be fooled easily and trust your instinct as if he does have a problem he will never admit it until he has hit his rock bottom (ie: lose job, family, money etc...).

@ttyson2007 we have now hit rock bottom. Since I first posted he has been arrested for drink driving.

I'm so sorry it's come to this. Whether it will be his rock bottom or just another step on the way down won't be apparent for a long time. What has he got to say for himself?

Oh bless you, I am really sorry to hear that. Stay strong, you will get through this. If he is still in denial about his relationship with alcohol after this then I am afraid you could be in for a rough ride staying with him.
It's not a situation any of us want to be in. I had made up my mind that I was leaving my husband. It's only when he decided he had caused us enough pain and was about to lose us that he decided to seek help with AA and turn his life around. Had he not done that there is no way I would have stayed within that toxic environment a minute longer.

Good luck whatever you decide x

OP, how terribly hard. As a PP says there is no way to know yet if this will be his rock bottom and his turn around point to stop drinking.

I know when a close friends ex-husband was caught drink driving in his mind it wasn't because he had a problem or was even his fault, it was because the Police were dodgy and would rather catch law abiding drivers than do a day's work (his words). Hence ex..