Best friend seriously ill in hospital after alcohol abuse

[Anonfriend]

Firstly, let me say there is absolutely no judgement in this. I am just heartbroken for her. I have my own battles with alcohol and she knows this which is why I'm so gutted she didn't feel she could reach out.

However I also recognise she probably didn't realise how bad things were or the level of her addiction

I noticed when I last saw my friend at Christmas because we no longer live close by to one another that her eyes were bright yellow and her skin was slightly but more so her eyes. I asked her a few gentle questions and she denied that she was drinking too much. But I have noticed over a recent months that when we met up, she was already a few drinks in. At this stage I had stopped drinking because I had recognise that I was drinking too much after a very close bereavement.

I'm due to see her this weekend and had already decided if she was still the same. I was going to tackle it more strongly with a view to try to get her to seek help or at least support her through it myself.

However, she has been in hospital for 10 days, with ascites and now plural effusion. She literally looks like she's about to give birth to triplets and normally she is a tiny petite physique. She is bright yellow her skin and eyes her face is bloated and shiny and I had such a shock when I dashed over at the weekend to see her.

She has her head firmly in the sand but she did admit in the end that she has been drinking more and not eating.

I know enough of their out this from my career history and experience of alcohol addiction myself and the research I did involving this to know that she will now likely have endstage liver failure and cirrhosis.

The really sad thing is she did this about nine years ago when her marriage broke up before I knew her so I'm guessing the prognosis is even worse due to this

I don't really know why I'm posting other than to get this off my chest because she obviously doesn't want anyone to know she's very embarrassed so that leads me to believe that she does actually know the reasons behind her ill illness.

I also wonder has anyone else had a friend or relative at this stage that has come back from it because I am so worried I'm going to lose her.

Nobody is advocating for her and I know from conversations she won't have asked a single thing about her treatment or prognosis so when I go back at the weekend, I'm going to ask if I can be that person for her if she wants me to. I'm pretty sure she will as she is the type of person that likes people to sort of take the lead for her and she's obviously feeling really really awful at the moment.

I am so sorry to read this. You sound like a fantastic friend but please look after yourself to as having gone through similar with my dad I know it will drain you. Unfortunately the reality is you can't force her to face this but advocating for her may help her understand what's going on. My father did die unfortunately due to liver cirrhosis but had he stopped drinking 18 months before probably would have lived. Does your friend have anyone locally that can help her?

This is so sad, addiction and the consequences of it are terrible. It sounds like you are a supportive friend and want to offer help, do you feel 100% confident you can take on the role of advocate without it potentially exacerbating your own struggles? Are there other friends/ family that could also step in, so your friend gets more support but you also don't have to shoulder this alone.

How sad, it’s good that your friend has you there for her. Yes good idea to be an advocate for her if she agrees.

@Fundays12 I'm so sorry to read you lost your
Dad.

She does have family and friends locally but they are similar to my friend and bury their heads in the sand and don't look after themselves let alone her.

@LightandBreezy thank you - I think if anything this has brought it home to me I don't need to be drinking. My friend has no children but I have 3, I confided in my eldest what has happened and she literally begged me never to drink again - I'd already decided I wasn't going to. I'm not sure anyone is capable of stepping in tbh but I'll see if I can find someone.

@Katy7889 thank you. She was so pleased I'd gone back to see her, I'm so glad I did. I've not long moved away but it's only 90mins drive or so, so it's doable to support her

I'm really sorry your friend is so ill and I hope she makes a good recovery.

When you saw her the previous time and her eyes were yellow etc, what happened after that? Did she have treatment?

No it was over Christmas and I sis wonder if she'd overdone Christmas as that was her only symptom. It looks like she's seriously deteriorated since. Apparently her friends and family said when she was admitted that they'd noticed her getting more and more yellow and her stomach growing but didn't mention it either

It's quite possible to recover somewhat from the acute phase of cirrhosis/serious liver disease, it depends on the stage. I have a family member who was very acutely ill similar to your friend. He stopped drinking, had treatment including draining of the ascites, a procedure to fix bleeding veins in the oesophagus, drugs for delirium and so on. It took a good six months to see real improvement, but he's alive now. Will never be in full health again, but is doing OK.

From the brink of death he has come back somewhat. Docs say that as long as he stays away from alcohol and gets good nutrition he will be ok for another while. How long that is no one knows, but he looks ok again now.

He follows a guy on youtube who was in a similar position and found it very helpful and therapeutic. I've seen a few episodes and it's not preachy, not sad, not dramatic, as family member said, it's like a community of encouragement and hope. It might help you and friend to have a look.

@VonHally thank you so much I'm going to look this evening and show my friend at the weekend when we are together again

How is she, @Anonfriend ?

@TheGentleOpalMember Thank you for asking. She was actually discharged about three weeks ago, It’s very hard to get much out of her, but I’m going to see her on Friday so I will update again. So relieved she’s out of hospital, but I don’t think she’s out of the woods