How to dull emotions without alcohol

[Mustdoitt]

I’ve been drinking far too much. I’m in the great day = have a drink, terrible day = have a drink camp.

I also feel like I have to drink, because it is Friday, a special occasion, school holidays etc.

I’ve spent too many Saturdays hungover, trying to hide my vomiting and general feeling unwell from my husband. We have two young kids, and we don’t do as much as we should because ‘mummy doesn’t feel well’.

So I’m doing dry January, I’m actually looking forward to it, and hoping I can extend it.

However- I have a lot of childhood trauma. I generally hate myself and I drink so I can feel something else.

I can’t afford therapy (I live somewhere I have to
pay £££ for it).

Wtf do I do?

Unfortunately the first few days without a drink are going to be awful. Your emotions will be all over the place and anxiety will be high.
Sorry not to sugar coat.
You just need to get through that first week. Make a plan. Plan a days walking or day trip with your immediate family, a day visiting relatives, friends.
Talk to people, stay distracted.

Have you ever kept a mood diary or journal? Some people find that sort of thing helpful to get their head together.

Well done for planning to quit though. I've been there.

An AA 12 step plan is completely free and deals with the core reasons you drink. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking and there are online and face to face meetings all over the world

Read up on emotional regulation - not to dull your emotions but to regulate them so they trouble you less.

Deep breathing, meditation, exercise, art/craft, journalling can all help you to calm yourself.

Meditation

Train your mind to get use to the emotions and they will be easier to manage

Ok, I get it. I used drink to numb myself from the consequences of childhood trauma which deregulated my nervous system. I am coming up to 1 year sober. I have had to learn to sit with my emotions instead of trying to obliterate them with booze.

I also try to do things which destract my mind and give me a natural high like dancing, cycling, gardening. I’ve started gardening over the last year and it really has given me a lot of joy and has also helped to keep me sober.

There might be a community counselling or low cost counselling service you could try?
Many are online.

I could have written your post, that feeling of just being a bit out of it (life) for a while.
Exercise is a good mood lifter and distraction.

In some ways, you’ve done half the work already. Lots of people think: I drink because I like the taste, it makes me happy etc etc. It often takes a lot of work before people realise that really they are drinking to escape.

The other good news is that if you can stop drinking, over time your anxiety will decrease and your happiness will increase, as your brain chemistry adjusts (it typically takes about 100 days for this to happen)

But in the early days, the main thing is; do not drink. Do whatever you need to to make that happen. You will crave sugar - eat the sweets. Your sleep will be rubbish initially- be gentle with yourself.

All the above suggestions about exercise etc are really good.

Community also helps - there is a Dry January facebook group and a Dry January thread on here.

Good luck

Exercise and meditation work for me. And by meditation I literally mean focusing on my breathing and being present in my body - it's not something I've been to classes or been "taught" as such but I do try and practice the skill every day. I think I came to it via some free YouTube videos.

In the very early days, I did a lot of exercise (hiking) and cold water swimming. Both of which I already did, but I did them a lot more just to help me deal with my emotions.

Longer term though, actually I didn’t need to worry too much. It turns out (not surprisingly!) that it was the alcohol that was making it hard for me to emotionally self-regulate. The big highs and lows were very overwhelming and I would drink and ruminate on all my trauma. Once I stopped drinking (and got through the early months, it doesn’t all happen straight away), actually I didn’t struggle as much. Big emotions were a lot easier to deal with, as were traumatic memories. I finally could process everything and I felt a lot more level emotionally. I wasn’t just crashing around in chaos anymore. I could just deal with stuff and move on.

It‘s reassuring to hear that this is doable, and that the anxiety should decrease without alcohol!

This morning I looked in the mirror and saw a tired, puffy, dull and bloated mess.

I did dry January 2 years ago which went great, then February turned into a huge binge. I feel like I have finally realised how much of my life (and my kids) I am missing because of this. So really I want to quit completely. But that sounds too scary, so dry January it is.

Towards the end of the month is my work ‘Christmas’ party which will be difficult, but I have to work the next morning anyway so hopefully that will be enough of a motivator to keep me on the right track!

Joining in to say hi! Need to do same. Go for it x

Towards the end of the month is my work ‘Christmas’ party which will be difficult

Don’t borrow trouble. That party is a lot of days away from now, and it’s these days you need to focus on.

The first week or two is particularly hard if your body is used to alcohol to get to sleep. Power through, I promise it gets easier and as a bonus the quality of your sleep will really improve.

Buy big bags of Haribo or biscuits - you’re used to a lot of sugar in the form of alcohol and you will crave it. Don’t worry about it much, it settles down as well. Do what you need to get yourself through.

Disrupt your usual routine. If it’s nightly wine and TV, spent the evening at the kitchen table playing board games or do a hobby. My mother learnt to knit when quitting smoking and I did a lot of sewing (and building Lego) when giving up wine. If you aren’t in your usual drinking place doing your usual drinking activity, it helps disrupt the habit

Very best of luck! People here have been a lifeline for me. I hope you find it helpful too.

Can you do any exercise? Walking, swimming, anything really? Well done for taking the first step! You can do it!

Thanks for all the great advice! I woke up on Jan 2nd and immediately started to wonder what stupid stuff I had done the night before. Then I realised- NOTHING! Because I hadn’t had a drink, and woke up feeling good for once.

I‘m being realistic though, and know next weekend will be difficult. Especially Friday, when I would count down until 5pm to open that first bottle. I’m keeping mind of all the tips on here and will keep busy

know next weekend will be difficult. Especially Friday, when I would count down until 5pm to open that first bottle
Make specific plans about what you are going to do at 5pm instead, so you have something positive to look forward to.

Towards the end of the month is my work ‘Christmas’ party which will be difficult Have you told people at work you are doing dry January? Tell them in advance and if it gets too much just say you have a headache and need to head home. Don't compromise on your amazing intentions.

Keep going!

I did 3 months this time last year and kept trying, I was sober for 7 months of the last 15 which is huge for someone who used to be a daily drinker. I’m now almost 4 weeks sober again. Honestly there is no point thinking of a week or so ahead. One day at a time.

If you were drinking enough to be sick in the morning it sounds like a serious problem. I suggest reading some quit lit like Annie Grace or Catherine Gray or Allen Carr. Recovery Elevator is a good podcast. Best of luck.

Hi, I’m 6 years on and I just wanted to say “Go for it!” The early days are tough, but then the days turn into weeks and (if you keep going) months. At the beginning I’d recommend LOADS of Haribo, exercise of your choice, and reading/listening to motivational literature (‘The Sober Diaries’ and ‘The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober’ are especially good). I found having a tracker on my phone (recording my sober days and money saved) and treating myself to some posh face cream with what I had saved through not drinking also helped. Without alcohol, life starts to feel easier and that gives you the headspace for the other stuff, if you see what I mean. The anxiety does diminish and waking up not worrying about the night before is incredibly liberating. Re social events, make a plan beforehand (bring your own alcohol free drinks, check out the venue beforehand, decide what you are going to say to others- although it’s really none of their business!) Sending you strength- one step at a time.

I find CBD tummies and those Trip CBD drinks quite calming (or perhaps it is a placebo effect!) also the calm app is nice and well, calming.

Oh and see the GP if you do have underlying anxiety and depression, they might have a social prescriber and / or antidepressants which can help. I'm on fluoxetine which helps me.

*gummies, not tummies!

This is random but I found sweets helped when I last went dry. Tangtastics, fuitella, skittles. Its the sugar craving, I got a spark of joy. sparkling water my go to drink. For emotional regulation try meditation?

Also look into online therapy, your GP can signpost you to free online sessions (without too many questions).

Thanks for the messages, it’s very encouraging!

On Friday we will be at a school event in the early evening, so hopefully that will distract me from the habit of opening a bottle of wine at 5pm.

I‘ve bought a bottle of Martini alcohol free vibrante aperitivo- I saw it a while ago in the shop and thought it looked nice, then put it back on the shelf when I saw it was alcohol free 🤦‍♀️ So that can be a treat drink instead if I feel like I‘m missing out.

I realised earlier that the last time I had a whole 7 days in a row without alcohol was summer 2023. I got really stupidly drunk at a village fete equivalent, in front of a lot of people who really shouldn’t have seen me in that state. My neighbour had to drive me home with her two kids in the car. That night I wet the bed (the only time that’s ever happened). I was so ashamed and couldn’t face drinking again- for a week. I can’t believe that it didn’t shame me into stopping completely!

Oh and also, thanks for all the suggestions about having sweets on standby! That has definitely helped. I dread to think how much sugar I have been drinking

Well done on all you have done so far and hopefully you can keep going!

Just popping in to post an update, mainly to keep myself accountable.

In general it’s going very well. I feel so much better in myself, full of energy, bright skin etc. I‘ve been sleeping great, waking up without regrets and ready to start my day. Instead of cringing in bed until 10am while my husband deals with the kids, and finally being able to leave the house well after lunchtime once the worst of the nausea has passed like the weekends used to be.

There have been a few evenings when I‘ve felt a bit restless and preoccupied with thoughts of drinking. So I poured myself an alcohol free drink and that was enough to distract me.

The evening of the school event, something happened that opened up a flood of feelings, mainly worthlessness and inadequacy. We came home and I very strongly felt like I wanted to drown myself in a bottle of wine. I opened up to my husband (which was incredibly difficult) and he sat with me while I cried and cried. It was awful, and so, so difficult. But when I woke up the next morning with nothing but an emotional hangover, I knew it was worth it.

I‘m not thinking just in terms of Dry January anymore. I‘m not counting down to Feb 1st to have another drink. I want to keep this going as long as possible. I can’t go back to the way it was.

Breathwork - long slow breaths into the stomachbof the back of the lungs, in through nose and out through mouth are the best instant regulator. Then vigorous movement - you can tense and release all your muscles or run on the spot or shake out each limb one bh one, then flop like a rag doll and dlowlyvwi d back up to standind.

Years ago I learned the trick of rewarding yourself for every micro action towards a goal. It sounds utterly daft but it reinforces positive thinking. Try out a few small positive physical reactions like thumbs up, air punch, giving yourself a hug, giving yourself a pat on the shoulder, while thinking or saying, 'Well done' or, 'Good Job'. Do this when you fill a glass with water or juice instead of booze, when you pull on your trainers for z muddy stomp around the park with DC.

Make a bucket list of small things to do with your children: playpark, go swimming, bike ride, home movie with popcorn and hot chocolate, making brownies, building lego etc, going to story time at the library. Give yourself a point each time you achieve one and buy yourself a small health care treat after completing 3 or 5 of them - some fancy bubble bath or an escapist novel - things that cost the same as a bottle of wine and help you relax without damage to your liver and your family and you.