I've been awake since 3am. I want this to be the last time I wake up from an alcohol induced coma fully clothed and full of self hatred. Regardless of the shit in my life, this has to end. I feel like shit, my throat is sore and I'm tired, but feel resolute in a way that I have not felt recently, stupidly believing there'd be a way I could continue.
I stopped for years and only started for reasons that are too outting but mental health related. I need to get back to that person and have therapy and get into recovery. For me, my family, my health, my future. There is no choice.
Trying to keep it in the day. Apologise to my children and tell them I will do my best to be a better person.