Lost my DB

[notrose6]

It still hurts to write it down but I lost my DB this week. It was a huge shock and no-one expected such a fast deterioration. He was still working full-time over the summer but lost his job and had become very low whilst at home all day and looking for other work. Wife thinks his drinking had increased a bit but not drinking all day. Or maybe he was? He was rushed to hospital with abdominal pain/swelling, diagnosed with acute liver failure, ascites became infected, sepsis set in and that was that. His heart was also weakened from drinking. Basically he didn't stand a chance. All because his basic organ health has been ruined by drinking. My head is all over the place but something seems amiss here. Can you actually get that ill from 1-2 bottles a day over only few months? Was he pulling the wool over our eyes? Clearly he had issues before that and had always been a big drinker when given any opportunity but he was recently working in an office all day with a long drive home.

A cautionary tale for anyone thinking that their drinking is OK because they're not lying a in gutter yet.

I’m so, so sorry for your loss. I know how hard the loss of a DB is. I can’t answer your questions about whether he had been hiding issues from you, but one of the many reasons alcohol is so dangerous is that physical symptoms often don’t appear until it is much too late.

There is a support thread on here for those who are dealing with people with alcohol problems, some of whom sadly also have experience of it resulting in death. It may be that they are able to help you start to process this.
Support for someone else’s drinking

Take care of yourself x

@Onewildandpreciouslife thanks and again for pointing me in the right direction x

So sorry for your lost. My ex died of alcoholism. I'm sorry to say but addicts are usually liars and expert manipulators and it's very likely he drank far more than anyone ever realised.

Sorry for your loss OP.
1-2 bottles of what?

I’m so sorry for your loss. To answer your question, he was almost certainly drinking more than anyone realised and more than his wife is likely to admit even if she knew.

1-2 bottles of wine a day for several months? No, he would not get that sick, unless he already had underlying liver failure. If he did, from previous years of drinking and had been told to stop, yes. 1-2 litre bottles of vodka, yes, possibly on top of existing liver disease.

When I quit drinking, it was after 20 years of heavy drinking, and at least a year of 3 bottles of wine a day every day. I don’t have any lasting liver damage, though I did have an inflamed liver when I stopped (went back to normal). Absolutely no one in my life would have been able to tell you I was drinking 3 bottles of wine a day. I was also working a big job with a long commute and driving my dc to all their activities. Very present in family life, doing all the cooking, running around. Didn’t stop me drinking though.

Alcoholics are very good at keeping their drinking secret. I know it doesn’t minimise the loss you’ve experienced though. I’m really sorry. I hope you have been able to get some support.

So sorry for your loss.
My sister died a few months ago, from alcohol. Similar story.

I knew she drank too much, but I had NO IDEA the scale of it. I had no idea she was an alcoholic (I presume? I'll never know to what extent she was addicted).

She was very much functioning. One day off sick, when she went into hospital on the Friday. Dead by Monday. Its just devastating. Devastating too are the lies she must have been telling.

Wishing you all lots of love and peace.

Incredibly sorry for your loss OP. Someone doesn’t have to be an alcoholic or have huge issues surrounding alcohol to succumb quickly to it. There is a lot of the population who don’t realise or don’t like to admit just how powerful and devastating a drug alcohol is, you will see it on the alcohol threads here where people are trying to moderate, everyone says the amounts they are drinking are fine and normal as it’s socially acceptable.

I was drinking socially acceptable amounts and got pancreatitis which could have killed me, in fact it still could if I touched alcohol again. However many people, including medical professionals are still convinced I must have been hiding how much I drank or that I was alcohol dependent, which I wasn’t.

So don’t be too hard on you brother or yourselves in thinking that we should have known he had a drinking problem, he probably didn’t, he was probably drinking amounts normal to those who love alcohol and it’s neurotoxic effects. It’s not safe in any amount as the WHO has declared, but it’s socially acceptable and everything is alright with drinking until one day suddenly it isn’t.

I like many wish I could think of something to say to help you through such a loss, but it wouldn’t be enough, but of course use his story to show people that ANYONE can be one of these statistics of those who succumb to the many effects of alcohol, if you wish, but also don’t let it be what defines the memory of your wonderful brother.