I need help please

[Nelly555]

I have a very unhappy marriage and have been drinking a lot to cope with it.

After covid I stopped drinking and went on a real health kick. I lost weight, looked and felt amazing.
We then had a family tragedy and without the alcohol my mind couldn't cope. I have a very bad mental breakdown.

Leading up to my breakdown I couldn't even drink coffee as my nerves were so bad.

I thought my husband would change after I came home but he is just as emotionally abusive as ever.

I just cannot now cope with life without having a drink. I have a health issue that is making exercise difficult and I am fat and ageing. However, as crazy as this seems the fact I can drink makes me think I'm ok. The thought of stopping drinking and having another breakdown is terrifying.

I try and stop but after 3/4 days I start to feel very emotional and cry a lot.

Please do t tell me to leave my husband. It really isn't possible at the moment. Maybe in a while but for various reasons I can't right now.

I managed to do it before, he drinks a lot and didn't like it when I stopped and that gave me a lot of satisfaction.

But I just cannot seem to get beyond 3/4 day mark. I'm really desperate, please does anyone have any advice?

Thank you for reading

Sorry to hear you are struggling. How much are you drinking, how often?

@KoalaKube Im drinking a bottle of wine a night. Sometimes have a day off but drink most nights.
Im scared im going to get ill but i just can't seem to stop

Firstly, you are not alone. Speaking to your GP would be a good first step - speaking it out aloud, telling them your concerns. There maybe support in your local area that you can be referred or refer yourself too - they’ve heard it all before,no judgement and will have pathways that you can follow. Understanding why you drink and want to stop, help with detox if you need it and ongoing support to overcome cravings and get past those first days, weeks and months and break the cycle. This is your own path, whatever your husband thinks is of no importance, he wants you to continue drinking as it also enables him to keep drinking too.

The fact that you’ve given up before and felt so much better - and you can feel better again, and the fact you want to stop means you are motivated.

tragedy, depression, breakdowns happen, with or without booze, but without booze you are at least dealing with things with a clear mind and a healthy body - anxiety and depression medication will work better without alcohol messing with the dosage. Self medication with alcohol doesn’t work.

im 3 months in and alcohol free with an initial 6 week group session an hour weekly (I self referred to a local scheme after speaking to my GP), this helped me to prepare to stop, followed by a 10 day medically supported home detox (not everyone needs this, but depending on how much you drink it stops physical cravings and symptoms). Then 6 weeks (again an hour a week) support to keep sober, advice and strategies to help emotionally cope without alcohol. Now I’m no longer physically dependent, and working on keeping sober, picking up my life and trying to move it forward a bit at a time.

im being really selfish, just focusing on my health and sobriety. Only you can help yourself - for once those around you will have to cope on their own ( and they will!) If you get ill (as you worry, and as did I too) you won’t be there to help - you can’t fix others problems, but you can fix yours.

im still a work in progress, but looking and feeling so much better. You can too - take the first step and take it a day at a time, those days soon add up and you will be on your road to recovery - just for you, your life, your journey.

good luck xx

Thank you @KoalaKube
Im worried about speaking to my GP, I don't want it on my medical records.

I was thinking about AA but not sure if it's for me?

I guess I'm frightened of the thought that I could never have a drink again, as crazy as that seems? But I can never just have one!

You have done so well, I will look into local groups. Today is my day1, I have to do this as I know I'm going to get ill. I hope I haven't seriously damaged my body.

You're right about my husband, although he criticises me for drinking he doesn't like it when I stop. I need to use that to spur me on.

Thank you so so much for your detailed reply and again, well done you!

I wouldn’t worry about medical records, but it’s up to you. If you are unsure about AA there are hundreds of online meeting since the pandemic and you can drop in and just listen if you want to.

https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk

I’ve just started listening to a podcast which explains AA ( I too struggle with the concept and the god/higher power stuff) but I’m finding it helpful and amusing. Two American guys Joe and Charlie

https://www.recoveryaudio.org/joe-charlie-aa-tapes

There’s also Smart recovery meetings which are about practical help and exercises and tools to help you through. I go to one, once a week and it’s a small group who chat about our week and give support and. Listening ear. It’s non secular, so no faith needed.

https://smartrecovery.org.uk

The Alcohol Experiment helped me to give up. It has a structure and ethos I generally agree with and it's free.
Concentrating on how much better I feel every morning has been a good incentive. It's difficult but can be done.
Good luck @Nelly555 and look forward to escaping your marriage at some point.

Look into Bee Sober. It’s a wonderful online support community. AA may also work for you, but not everyone connects with the structure of AA. Sometimes you just need to see that there are other women out there doing what you wish you could do.