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Alcohol support

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when to leave

2 replies

Freddie15VES · 27/09/2024 21:27

partner is quite obviously an alcoholic - he drinks every single night as soon as he finishes work. religiously has 4 cans of beer and a large bottle of beer a night, hides it, lies about it etc etc

we have 2 young children who he is honestly fantastic with i can’t fault him at all. but i am struggling mentally with being with him - ive tried numerous times to help him and numerous times its failed. hes been the doctors, contacted alcohol and drug helplines but its never gone further than just initial contact

he’s said in the past that he’s not aggressive, provides well for us etc which is true…so why am i still contemplating leaving and splitting our family up? i grew up with a father who quite frequently abused alcohol, i would never know where i stood…whether he’d be in a good mood or a bad mood. and on a couple of occasions he did get physical with me (pushed me, got me by the neck once and pushed me against a wall)

he’s a great guy, has a great job, friends and family love him. but i feel exhausted

would i be stupid to stay? stupid to leave?

god it’s tough.

OP posts:
Brobdingnagian · 28/09/2024 08:09

so why am i still contemplating leaving and splitting our family up?

Because the effects on DC of having an alcoholic parent are well documented. Even if he is a wonderful father, the alcohol issue will affect their lives.

curious79 · 28/09/2024 08:17

Does he end up comatose, snoring? Stumbling around? He’s not smashing you in the face but what does it mean for you?
Or are you equating his beer ritual with your Dad and that is triggering.
my ex was alcoholic and ended up in bed all day, losing jobs. And we’re talking one to two bottles of Jack Daniel’s a night. Im
Not sure the amount of beer your DH is having would even scratch the surface by comparison.

It was the stumbling around at night and lack of engagement in our relationship that did it for me. But I think for a long time I didn’t otherwise find the amount per se a problem.
I’m wondering what family / counselling intervention you could go through?
it sounds like there’s something there worth fighting for

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