Tips for moderating on holiday without completely abstaining

[SnowBeagle]

Short story

I'm going away for a long-planned holiday with my sister and girl friends. No children. They are all looking forward to drinking. I would like tips for moderating drinking, while still "joining in".

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Backstory

We were big drinkers in our 20s, but recently I've enjoyed being alcohol free. When I do drink I tend to drink too much - I don't do anything I regret, but I normally just get sleepy, go to bed early and wake up with a headache. Most of the time, I just don't drink at all and I'm fine.

However, on the holiday I don't want to completely abstain- I will be out there a few days just with my sister before the rest of the group joins us. She enjoys drinking in the evening when she is childfree, and says she hates the feeling of "drinking alone". In a way, I don't want to let her down and be "boring", but - last night was an example of how this can go wrong, we decided to share a bottle of wine at mine. I drank most of it, fell asleep in front of the TV before going to bed at 12 and waking up this morning late and with a slight headache. It just made me feel that I don't want this to be my holiday experience. At the same time, I would like to be able to have 1-2 small glasses of wine and dinner and then switch to sods water.

Any tips or ideas of whether this is possible? It feels like my issue is peer pressure, combined with the genuine belief that if I don't drink I'm somehow spoiling their holiday. I would rather not get into big discussions and arguments with them, which is why I think - is it possible to literally just have one or two drinks and then how do I do this in practice.

Some people can’t moderate (I couldn’t, so I haven’t drunk for over 2 years).

Being honest with yourself, is there anything that makes you believe this holiday would be different?

It’s perfectly acceptable to decide you’d rather not drink on holiday. Why would what is in your glass make a difference to someone else’s enjoyment?

The issues tend to arise because if one person doesn’t drink it shines a spotlight on others’ drinking, which often isn’t welcome, but absolutely not your problem.

In terms of peer pressure, people can’t argue with your experience- if you say, “I find I’m happier when I don’t drink”, or sleep better, or whatever your truth is, and people push this, then they’re saying they don’t want you to be happy, or sleep well, or whatever.

It is tricky, but please believe me - sober holidays are amazing. You actually come back feeling like you’ve had a rest!

Before you have your first drink you'll think you can stop at two.

Once you've had two you'll say just one more.

After three all bets are off.

I've been where you are. I can't moderate so I don't bother trying. I've done a few trips alcohol free now. It feels weird and uncomfortable to begin with but you soon enjoy the holiday sober - it becomes a proper rest. You can see straight when you go to bed so fall asleep with a good book. You wake up fresh before everyone else and aren't hanging out your arse at breakfast...

Even just one drink impacts you negatively in every way - physically, emotionally, mentally. If you can keep up your sobriety why not do it.

This coming from someone who still thinks about drinking all the time by the way.

Good luck.

Instead of drinking 2 and then switching to soda, have wine and soda. It’s a much longer drink, and allows you to faff about drinking it and slows down your consumption.

That said, if you can’t manage to regulate at your own home I think you need to really carefully consider whether the issue is actually more complicated. I sometimes over drink when out as I don’t notice when I’m chatting how much I’m drinking, so the wine and soda trick works fine for me. I’d happily only drink a single glass at home though.

I'm sorry I know you asked for tips to moderate but I tried every one and they don't work.

Alternate with alcohol free drinks!

Say you'll only drink every other day!

Only drink with food!

You already know them op. There aren't any magic ones you don't know about.

Thanks for the replies. I think I would prefer to have a completely sober holiday if I'm honest, I agree what is in my glass doesn't affect my enjoyment. I struggle to deal with the peer pressure of people saying "just have one drink", and implying that me not drinking is ruining their night. then - like PP say - it doesn't stop at one.

Stuff I've done in the past that has worked is having alcohol free days on holiday and that has been fine.

I like the idea of having a wine and soda, and drinking it slowly. Maybe saving this to the very end of the night after dinner.

I think I need to avoid "sharing a bottle of wine". Having an alcoholic drink during the day. And then drinking back in the airbnb: I tend to drink less out because of the cost.

Please do not let yourself be pressured by others. If they don't want to drink alone, they can make a choice not to drink.

This is exactly right. If anyone accuses you of being boring then just think how boring they will be when they are hungover the next day.

sorry to hear you’ve even got this dilemma unfortunately drinkers hate to be around non drinkers we make them feel uncomfortable they think we will judge them.
I recently had a sober holiday ok wasn’t with girlfriends but I would never drink even from peer pressure I’m a stubborn cow so that would really piss me off the constant nagging about having 1 or 2 drinks it’s still going to give you a crap nights sleep and lots of other negative effects.
what’s in your glass should not matter sounds like a form of people pleasing I’ve been there but I don’t do that shit no more 😂 you stand up for what you want to do and have a great sober holiday all the stress of moderating is not worth it to many rules if you say I’m not drinking then that’s the end of it no more thinking about alcohol on or before the trip 😊

Yes, the rules and thinking about it! I think it is easier and better to just say I'm not drinking alcohol.

I feel like I have some tools to try.

Thanks everyone

You’re welcome didn’t mean to come across abruptly if I did just people have really been pissing me off lately when I tell them I’m not drinking etc trying to peer pressure or making little digs about being boring or come on have 1 or 2!! I don’t know why it’s such an issue for some they freak out 😂😂 like I’m an alien haha! No I just don’t want to feel like crap from drinking surely it’s not that hard to understand 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ enjoy your holiday I’m sure you’ll make the right choice 😊