Peer pressure to drink- how do you handle it?

[soothingrain]

I've been sober for 3 years now. I used to drink heavily when I was younger and it did me no good and I got into all sorts of embarrassing situations which I regret. Now I'm entering peri menopause it's even worse and even one or two glasses of wine have me feeling horrifically anxious, I get facial flushing and the next day I feel really low in mood. Now I've given it up I feel wonderful, my mood is better, I feel more calm and energetic and I look better. I am committed to continuing this choice.

My issue is that the people around me just dont seem to get it and its really starting to irritate me.

The other day I went out with some friends and I wasnt drinking. I had the usual "oh come on, one wont hurt- dont be boring!" etc but I was driving and I have already explained that I cant drink any more as it makes me feel rubbish the next day. They seemed to acknowledge this and nodded but then literally in the next breath I get told, "come round to mine next weekend, DONT drive and we can have some proper drinks!" and "get a taxi next time, have a drink!".

I've literally just told them that it makes me feel awful and anxious and I still get these stupid comments. I dont want to get into arguments with my friends but like, what the heck?- I've just told you how it makes me feel and you're still wanting me to drink. I dont ever comment on what anyone else drinks- thats entirely up to them. I get that they said this after a few drinks themselves but this is honestly making me not want to go out with them again.

Anyone else experienced this and how do you handle it? Btw, these friends are lovely when sober, I feel like its just when they've had a few drinks themselves they start going on about it.

Thanks all

i know exactly what you mean @soothingrain some friends /family just don’t get it and unfortunately it’s like holding a mirror up to their drinking and we make them feel uncomfortable.
But as long as your comfortable that’s all that matters if it’s upsetting you that they keep mentioning it maybe it’s time for a serious chat and tell them how their comments are making you feel.
if that doesn’t work then maybe distance yourself some friends are not meant to be with us forever people change opinions change not everyone is going to like us and we just have to except that.
I personally hate the peer pressure I get it a lot even from my own grown up daughter!! You’re boring etc etc it’s ridiculous how people want you to stay drinking!! I have a short fuse so probably will end up snapping at some point then get the comments what’s wrong with you your not an alcoholic!! No but alcohol makes me feel like shit and effects my mental health so shut the fuck up and except it 😂 that’s what I want to say!!

well done for putting your mental health first

Can you meet these friends for activities or during the day instead? Go to the cinema or a comedy club and they will be less interested in whether you have a diet coke or a glass of wine. Go for a country walk with a pub lunch and have AF beer, cider or soft drink.

And get new friends or have a very direct word with them when they are sober. I used to (decades ago) be a bit like your friends, and I think it was because deep down I felt uncomfortable because I judged how much I drank and how hard I found it to stay sober socially, and sober people with better self control brought that self-judgement up to the surface. It was definitely a me problem not a them problem.

I've never drunk, just don't feel the need but I worked in police admin in the 70s and 80s and the culture was all about drinking. In the end I "confessed" I was an alcoholic and couldn't risk even one drink. Lots of the pressure stopped. Terrible to have to lie though.

After that I started at a new police station and it started again, one officer was pushing me to have a drink and I said I just don't like the taste, he advised me to persevere as I'd get to like it. A female detective asked him if he liked sex with men, he looked really shocked (he was a married man with kids so not particularly likely) he said no he didn't. She smiled sweetly at him and said "persevere, you'll get to like it." He looked suitably embarrassed and never mentioned it again. She was my hero.

I think the fact you've explained why you don't want to drink that night has led them to believe you're still a drinker but just choosing not to because you're driving, need a clear head tomorrow, etc.

It sounds like you haven't actually explained to them that you don't drink, but have only explained why you're opting not to drink 'this time'.

I think you need to be clearer with them that (1) you don't drink anymore and (2) if they try to pressure you to change your mind, it'll be the last time you hang around with them while they're drinking.