Day 1

[Blueberrypancakebreakfast]

Today is my day 1 again. i have a very problematic relationship with drink and i need to stop. I do not drink a huge amount for the most part but when i do i sometimes completely lose control. I was at a friends funeral yesterday and got absolutely hammered. I feel like death. I stop for six months and then i start again. I need to stop for good.

Hi there. I am sorry to read that. I hope your day 1 wasn’t too painful, and you got through it okay? Sundays are always tricky for me and I overdid it also so my Day 1 is today.

sorry to read about your friends funeral. Alcohol and funerals do tend to go hand in hand. I’m sure you set out with good intentions but alcohol has a way of making you want more and more, well, it does for some of us.

Six months dry is absolutely amazing. Hope did you do it?

i have just bitten the bullet and telephoned my Gp for help with alcohol. It is a beast that I’ve no control over and even though moderation on occasion has worked, the times it doesn’t are absolutely horrible with anxiety through the roof, shame, guilt and lack of self respect. So, I’m making a change today.

x

Don’t beat yourself up@Blueberrypancakebreakfast six months is amazing like @Orchid09 said unfortunately funerals, weddings, christenings. Always alcohol at these things. I had six months under my belt about five years ago from being a binge drinker who would black out and do the most embarrassing things. And unfortunately I’m still doing it I wished I had carried on with my sobriety but I thought I could moderate and it’s been a vicious cycle ever since. Get back on track you can do this you know how good sober feels your only human things happen but don’t make the mistake I did and keep living on the hamster wheel. Hope you feel better soon

Thank you @Chance21 thats exactly it -i want to get off the hamster wheel - am tired and weary from feeling like this and really don't want to ever feel like this again. I am still physically not right from it and just need to try and keep this feeling alive and at the forefront of my mind. I never struggle to stop - what happens is that after about 4-6 months i forget how bad i felt and tell myself its no biggie.

@Orchid09 I read lots and lots of quit lit and listened to millions of podcasts. I set myself challenges and made lots of plans for early on Saturday and Sunday morning. I loved it and was the happiest i have ever been. The problem is that i complete whatever challenge i set myself and then decide that i can have a glass or two and for the most part thats all i do have but then i have a night like i did last week and i honestly thing that i cannot ever ever do that again. I want to just crawl into a cave and stay there.

@Orchid09 Look up soberistas, one for the road, the unexpected joy of being sober - there is so much support out there - we just need to lean into it

@Blueberrypancakebreakfast I hope you start to feel better soon I’ve been doing a lot of exercise been going on long walks and that helps clear my mind.
I do the exact same thing the conversations in my head I have about alcohol wether I was that bad and shall I drink/ maybe I’ll have a couple I’ll drink spirits instead of wine because surely I won’t black out on gin! It’s relentless.
Taking up far to much time and energy and besides the point the depression afterwards last for days and I can’t cope with anything once that sets in.

Hi @Blueberrypancakebreakfast. For me, I think I have finally realised that I can't "just have one or two". I might be able to moderate tonight, but soon enough, I will be back on my bottle of wine a night. That however much I wish I can be a "normal" drinker, that ship has sailed, and I am better off choosing to be alcohol free. Every day.

I use an app (actually 2 apps) and can highly recommend the I am Sober app which prompts me to pledge every day and shows me my reason..(I have pictures of my DH and DC on there).

Todays my day 1, I went out on Monday night, got absolutely wasted and spent all day Tuesday suffering, I didn't drink Tuesday as I was hungover but last night I had a bottle of wine 🤦‍♀️. I wasn't rough this morning but I wasn't great. Not had any tonight and I'm in bed scrolling the alcohol board on here.
I've read the naked mind before but I'm going to order the unexpected joy of being sober, I've heard a lot about that.
My drinking has crept up to a bottle of wine a night, I have a dp who rarely drinks and I wish I could be like him.
I'm also a mum so I want to do it for them, set them a good example and be around long enough to watch them grow up.

Fridays normally my trigger but I’ve had no urges or thoughts to drink today at all. It’s not normal!!! I was just looking forward to having a clear head, sitting with any feelings and eating … I have done a lot of eating!!

day 5 🙏🏼💛

You cannot drink again. Once you accept that fully you're on your way. Remember the pain and ick you feel now, remember how utterly awful you feel, remember this horror. Alcohol gives you nothing, absolutely nothing, but boy does it bring pain. There is nothing good about alcohol for us, nothing at all. I had a moment of realisation, and I haven't drunk since. I haven't wanted to drink since. I can gain absolutely nothing from alcohol but I can gain everything from it's absence.

You can too, you have before and you will again. Keep going. 💪

Morning all
@Orchid09 Fridays are usually a trigger for me too but I stayed strong and didn't have any.
I'm onto day 3 now and about to go to work with a clear head.
Hope everyone else is doing okay

Morning all, the weekends are always the hardest for me especially when the sun is shining British culture to head to the beer garden!!
currently day 13 for me hoping to make it through the weekend binge free.
Have an early gym session then plan to sit round the pool at the gym after with some sober lit/ podcast.
my Partner wants to do a BBQ this afternoon which he will no doubt enjoy a couple of drinks, so I’m going to buy some AF alternatives just in case the devil voice creeps in I have to find a name for him!!
we all no the voice the one you battle with when your trying to have good intentions and make better choices.
I wish everyone a happy and sober weekend stay strong and remember how good it will feel when Monday comes around and how proud we will feel knowing we didn’t cave in. Enjoy the weather if you have the sun and take time for yourself this is not going to be an easy journey but it will definitely be worth it

Morning all. Feels good waking on a Saturday with no hangover. I should be going to do an exercise class but I’m still recovering from a kidney infection so decided to go for a good walk instead and listen to some sober podcasts.
This afternoony in laws are having a party for my father in laws birthday. They love to drink and I would normally have loved to drink with them. But not today. Half of me thinks I’ll go but only stay a few hours and drive home, will I be able to say no to all the offers of fizz though. I’m not talking to my husband at the moment either and he won’t apologise, he’s been a total dick to me and I can’t let it go until he apologises. There are a few good reasons not to go. I could use my kidney infection as an excuse too. On the other hand, the kids are going and I’ll miss out on special family time with them.

decision decisions….

Glad everyone’s holding up okay though. exit the day 💛 Day 6 for me!

Morning @Orchid09 sorry to hear about your kidney infection wish you a speedy recovery. I think what you said first is probably the best idea show your face enjoy time with family and then make an early exit. I hope you get the apology you’re waiting for but if not don’t let it alter your mood i can be quite stubborn so I know it can be difficult 😝 come back and let us know how you got on just think how amazing you will feel tomorrow not only sticking to your word but no hangover!! Stay strong you can do it!! 👍🏻

Hi @Chance21 & everyone else 😁
Just a quickie as I’m in bed and can’t keep my eyes open but wanted to say … I didn’t drink yesterday 🙌 I took AF beers and ate lots during the lunch. It was really good and I felt absolutely fine skipping in the fizz and sticking to my af beer. Husband apologised too, sort of. I was finding the conflict between us as fuel not to drink, when we resolved things I thought oh shit will I react to drink now…? The answer is no.

7 straight days sober. This has not happened in a very long time and I’m putting it down to the MN community 💛

Morning @Orchid09 this is amazing you should feel so proud this morning well done to you!! I like the Corona AF beers and it’s weird as I don’t like beer 😂
i have to stick to my word today off to see Taylor swift later and my daughter is already calling me a bore for not drinking!! She doesn’t understand she’s young and doesn’t have the same reactions to alcohol as I do.
im going to get those reactions now and I’m going to have to work extra hard to stay firm on my decision.
have a great Monday!! X

Good morning mind if I join had wine on Friday night and had awful tummy pains again so body is telling me yet again alcohol is not my friend went out for a surprise party yesterday and stuck to AF cider and told my son to have the wine in the house to rid the temptation well done to everyone 🥰

Morning @madmumofteens of course everyone is welcome I can relate to the tummy pains I seem to get them after I would drink must be the poison. Well done for staying on the AF ciders it can be tricky handling social situations especially in the early days you should feel proud you did it!! X

Hey all I'm back hanging my head in shame. Fell off the wagon but 100% owning it.
I have my quit lit being delivered tomorrow so I'll be back on it

Morning @BulldogMumma sorry to hear that please don’t be too hard on yourself we are only human and it’s tough!!
well done for owning it this will only make you stronger and keep you on the right path.
I hope you start to feel better I’ve been listening to sober Dave’s podcast and the stories really help me to keep reminding myself why AF life is the best life for me. X

Morning @Chance21 thank you. I only had a couple of glasses of wine so I'm not feeling rough but I still regret it.
I've ordered the sober diaries and the unexpected joy of being sober, they'll be delivered today so I shall be reading them and getting back on it.

No problem @BulldogMumma good I’m glad to hear your not suffering 😊 yes I’ve got the unexpected joy of being sober I’ve read it about 3 times always puts things back into perspective. Good for you 👍🏻

I slipped many times and my alcohol support worker told me that she's was proud that whenever I did I got myself back up as quickly as possible and tried again.
Keep trying, keep remembering the pain of being a drunk and start day 1 again now. 💪