He drinks 40+ units a week

Walkinganywhere · 2024-07-22T21:14:20+00:00

He has always been a drinker. He drinks 40+ units a week. So 6-8 units a night. He very rarely drinks anything before 8.30 / 9 pm. Has never been one for drinking during the day, even for special occasions or at summer bbq...even when walking distance or hosting! I find his drinking habits odd and also wonder if he might be risking being over the limit when driving to work next day (usually doesn't have last drink much before 12.30 / 1am and leaves around 6 30am! I keep saying he should cut down but he says he doesn't drink that much, that hes not like his mates who drink a bottle of wine or two a night and also that likes a drink to help him relax. Is he he possibly actually addicted as he doesn't seem to want to or be able to cut down...when he has he has managed a night or two and says he sleeps badly and then starts back on old ways. He's also recently develops high blood pressure and had blood clots in legs. OK, so he is also pretty sedentary too, which won't help those. But should he be worried? I don't even know what to say or do to help anymore.

cupcaske123 · 22/07/2024 22:29

He's obviously drinking a lot, the NHS guidelines are 14 units a week. He may be topping up during the day and secretly drinking.

All you can do is decide on your boundaries around his drinking and stick to them. If he's been doing this for years and you've spoken to him about it, I don't see it stopping anytime soon.

He's an adult and it's up to him how much he drinks. He's aware you're worried and he's also aware of the repercussions on his health.

Can you attend al anon and perhaps do some reading on co dependency, see if it resonates.

Rocknrollstar · 22/07/2024 22:40

You didn’t cause it
ypu can’t control it
you can’t cure it
7-8 units a night is probably an underestimate.
he is an alcoholic and all you can do is look after yourself. If you want to stay with him then join Al-anon.
you can’t make someone give up alcohol. They have to want to and that’s usually only when they reach rock bottom and that is far lower than you can possibly imagine. I don’t want to describe it because it is too shocking and disturbing but think not eating, unable to walk round the room etc. if they are too weak to get more alcohol (but there is always Amazon) they will start to have fits.

Original poster

Walkinganywhere · 22/07/2024 23:03

cupcaske123 · 22/07/2024 22:29

He's obviously drinking a lot, the NHS guidelines are 14 units a week. He may be topping up during the day and secretly drinking.

All you can do is decide on your boundaries around his drinking and stick to them. If he's been doing this for years and you've spoken to him about it, I don't see it stopping anytime soon.

He's an adult and it's up to him how much he drinks. He's aware you're worried and he's also aware of the repercussions on his health.

Can you attend al anon and perhaps do some reading on co dependency, see if it resonates.

A friend also suggested that he might be secretly drinking in the day too. I know, from seeing evidence in the recycling after I've put it out, that he also drinks spirits on top. How frequent, I don't know as he does this in his room. So yes, it may be nearer 10 units as minimum a night. I'm also convinced he buys cans etc and leaves it in view and not touched for a while to make it look like he's not drinking as much...eg I've not touched it...and he buys alcohol daily. So 2-3 bottles a day. Drinks at least two and will buy another 2-3 on way home from work or goes to local shop for a walk on an evening. I genuinely think there isn't much I can do or say now to make a difference.
I will do some reading. Thanks.

OP posts:

Original poster

Walkinganywhere · 22/07/2024 23:08

Rocknrollstar · 22/07/2024 22:40

You didn’t cause it
ypu can’t control it
you can’t cure it
7-8 units a night is probably an underestimate.
he is an alcoholic and all you can do is look after yourself. If you want to stay with him then join Al-anon.
you can’t make someone give up alcohol. They have to want to and that’s usually only when they reach rock bottom and that is far lower than you can possibly imagine. I don’t want to describe it because it is too shocking and disturbing but think not eating, unable to walk round the room etc. if they are too weak to get more alcohol (but there is always Amazon) they will start to have fits.

Your first little bit really hit home. I didn't cause it (even if things haven't been great, he was a drinker when we first met and would always have a drink most nights, often buying me things to drink too even though I never drank much and even now 7-8 units a week would be an excessive week for me! Hate how it makes me feel and it certainly does nothing to help my sleep!
I don't think there is anything I can do that will help him. Yes...he is the only one who can change and doubt he even wants to do that.

OP posts:

cupcaske123 · 22/07/2024 23:15

Walkinganywhere · 22/07/2024 23:03

A friend also suggested that he might be secretly drinking in the day too. I know, from seeing evidence in the recycling after I've put it out, that he also drinks spirits on top. How frequent, I don't know as he does this in his room. So yes, it may be nearer 10 units as minimum a night. I'm also convinced he buys cans etc and leaves it in view and not touched for a while to make it look like he's not drinking as much...eg I've not touched it...and he buys alcohol daily. So 2-3 bottles a day. Drinks at least two and will buy another 2-3 on way home from work or goes to local shop for a walk on an evening. I genuinely think there isn't much I can do or say now to make a difference.
I will do some reading. Thanks.

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It's so common to not know the full extent of someone's drinking for years. Alcoholics top up to keep the same level of alcohol in their system. It's a progressive condition that often gets worse.

Co Dependent No More by Beaty is a good starting point although there are other books out there. Try to disengage, I know it's hard but you need to protect yourself.