28days AF but really struggling

[lauren727]

I've been a long time lurker on MN recently on the alcohol support pages but never made a post so here goes....
As the title says I have not drank alcohol for 28 days after spending years drinking every night ( only times of during pregnancy) it's has been different drinks over the years but more recently wine- 1 and 1/2 bottles a night. The last 28 days have been hard at times but for some reason I'm finding things really difficult the last few days and thoughts about moderation creep in. Today I feel like I've spent the whole day on edge and like I could just go and buy some wine and reasoning with myself that it's normal and something I should just be able to do ( I know my drinking was not normal and I have never been able to moderate).
I feel so angry and wonder when this feeling will just go away!
I won't drink tonight but wish I didn't feel like this 😕

@lauren727 - I hear you ❤️. It’s so hard. I’ve nearly lost everything because of booze. It’s so not worth it.

Ive been where you are literally hundreds of times. People say “go for a walk” “have a green tea” etc etc. but the urge is so strong. But…. It’s nearly 8pm so nearly bed time! Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and don’t drink! It might take a while, but you WILL get there. 💐

@Pippa246 thank you so much for replying 💕 I feel a little better now but can't help dreading tomorrow

You are doing so well. Two of my relatives have died of alcoholism. Life is brighter without alcohol.

@lauren727 But when you wake up tomorrow you won’t have hangxiety, the fear, the dread….instead you can tell yourself “I did it” and what a feeling that will be. It does get easier - when I feel like this, I tell myself it’s better to feel shit before drinking than to feel shit after! You got this ❤️

OP, have you eaten something substantial?
If you do, you'll know that you won't get that quick, seductive "sigh", ..high.
But drinking on a full stomach will be like drinking but not feeling any of the so-called benefits.
Then, tomorrow, you may wake up, feeling a bit crap, both from the effects of alcohol but also thinking, damn, I was doing so well...
That feeling of having let yourself down, could end up with a very rapid spiral into "Oh well...Sod it"
And you'll be back to square one.
You're doing brilliantly! A whole month!
Be very, very proud of yourself. I'M proud of you!

I was a bottle of wine a night drinker (as a very minimum, much more Fri-sun). I spent so much time thinking about drinking, regretting drinking, feeling rubbish, bargaining with myself about when/how much to drink etc, round and round in a loop. I’m now 6.5 months alcohol free and I feel 100% better mentally and physically. I’ve had to admit I can’t moderate. If I could I’d have done it at some point over the last 25 years of drinking! I can’t moderate so I can’t drink. It is really tough but also so worth it in every way, although now I don’t really think about as much and it’s a lot easier. I use an app and tick off my tea cup daily. It reminds me how well im doing, it also shows how much money I’ve saved and calories I’ve not drank. I never thought I’d be able to go a weekend without wine, let alone 6 months! Hang in there, you’ve done 28 days which is brilliant, think how much better 29 days will feel, and then day 30….

How are you doing @lauren727 ?
Don't forget, when I said "square one ", its only square one if you spiral back to old drinking habits. This takes a few days.
It's important to remember that if you have a blip, DON'T see it as absolute failure and go back to counting from day one again.
It could be one lapse only. It's not always helpful to punish yourself severely.
Better to reflect on it, pick yourself up, brush yourself off and start back out with resolve optimism and a little compassion.
Hope you're managing. X

Thanks so much everyone 😊 this is the first time I've ever really been able to say how I feel and I'm so grateful for the much appreciated and kind comments. I'm ok.. it feels like once I get past the earlier part of the evening the cravings ease which is nice so I'm watching tv and drinking a cup of tea .. I'm just going to keep going one day at a time

Well done!! Honestly, full marks.
It'll be good waking up tomorrow morning, knowing you conquered today.
Sleep well.

I know how you feel. I’m a month or so further in than you and every so often, I do have the urge. I do what you’ve done which is just get through that first bit of the evening, and then it’s a bit easier. I’d say the urge doesn’t hang around a lot so don’t worry, you won’t be battling it every day!

for me, it’s a bit because the “novelty” of not drinking has worn off - eg I’m
no longer surprised and delighted every morning by feeling well-rested. And also the guilt and worry - which initially was a great motivator - has also subsided, because I haven’t experienced it for two months.

And so I can tell myself I’m actually feeling the urge precisely because I’m doing so well - i have forgotten how shit I used to feel and feeling good is normal now - so then feeling the urge means I can congratulate myself for being so awesome at being AF. Works for me 🤣.

good luck x

@lauren727 amazing work on 28 days. I am 43 days in and am currently on holiday with the family. There are so many instances where I then "aw, I remember doing that" and missing it.

Yesterday evening we walked past a group having a beach picnic, kids running around playing and adults all sat with what looked like lovey cold glasses of white wine (my favourite) and I felt a moment of sadness that I couldn't also be partaking, and also a fleeting thought of "ah, but you've proven you can stop and you don't actually need alcohol, so just have a glass"

The thing is thought, I know, I can't "just have a glass". A.glass (or 2 ) is not enough for me and I will inevitably end up back on my bottle a day habit (more at the weekend).

The first 10 days were so so so hard and I don't ever want to experience them again and I am so grateful to be free from the chains alcohol had wrapped around me.

Have you read or listened to The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley? I could really relate to her and I loved it

Also, please feel free to join us on This thread there are a bunch of fantastic women on there with a real wealth of information, advice and experience and NO judgement.

Somethign that really helped me was to realise that drinking differently was a skill I had to learn and could learn.

When you're thinking that it's normal to drink and you should be able to, this can feel very challenging when you can't do it. I know for the longest time I said I just wanted to drink like a normal person (which made me feel very unnormal which wasn't pleasant).

When we learn skills for anything in life it's a case of practice and being willing to be bad at something before we get good. We also don't expect to be perfect. So drop all that thinking and ask what one skill you want to learn (break it down) to focus on first. I can give you specific ideas if you're interested, just let me know.