Really struggling today could do with a handhold

[cottonwoolbrain]

I gave up drinking in late July 2016 so coming up to 8 years ago. I'd been binge drinking and also drinking every night and it sort of crept up on me. Then I got put on long term meds and discovered that when they said don't drink alcohol with them they meant it. Binge drunk at a party and woke up at 3 in the morning in a pool of my own vomit. Turned out I'd behaved in an extremely embarrassing way the night before and didn't even remember. I promised DD I'd never drink again and unless you count sherry trifle at Christmas, I haven't.

Sometimes though I just want a drink Lots of stress going on most of which I've got no control over at all. Just feel incredibly tense and not been sleeping well either for worrying.

Today is one of those days I don't know why but I can't stop thinking about a big glass of white wine in the sunshine. Maybe a packet of crisps. There's wine in the house because DP drinks it just feels it would be so easy to have some but that would be it. I know I can't control it I just have to not have it. I really want a drink 😪

Hi until someone more knowledgeable replies I'm offering a hand hold. You can do this. Big distraction needed. Go for a walk maybe xx

Well done on being alcohol free for so long. That's huge. Is there someone you can talk to IRL who can give you some support ?

Go for a walk, have a shower, phone a friend. Count up how many days sober you have had and feel proud of that.
Im only on day 24 but here for a hand hold.

Could you do a flavoured water to go with crisps? I’m thinking something like fresh mint and lemon slices, or sliced cucumber. Or just a can of coke/lemonade.

Other than that I can only offer a hand hold.

Do you want to feel worse than you do right now? That's what will happen if you have a drink. 100% guaranteed.

You've done 8 years sober, how incredible is that?! You should be mega proud of yourself. Dig deep and don't undo all your hard work

I understand OP - summer and sunny weather make these thoughts crop up for me too. You need something which replaces the alcohol as a crutch for the stress you’re under right now. It could be exercise, a Coke Zero with lime and ice, jigsaw puzzle, crosswords, a new series to get stuck into…. You’ve had an incredible run so far and I know you’ll regain that strength again! 🩷

Would you feel comfortable going to a meeting? Best of luck xx

Google aa meetings in your area and go to one , non alcoholics can go to any open meetings, the only requirement is you desire to not drink, you deserve a little back up support, and i think focusing on why you have done this and how its to your benefit might help by attending a meeting with others who need support, i'd suggest like other posters you need distraction too , thoughts of sunshine and being home are clearly making you vulnerable, so how about going to the cinema , and go buy yourself some nice crisps

I know it's not the same but a lovely iced mocktail in the sun would tick some of the boxes, especially something with ginger in to give it a bit of bite.

I had several non alcoholic ginger gin and tonics at a wedding recently so as to pace myself and it was surprisingly satisfying.

(I do drink alcohol too).

I'm not sure I can go to a meeeting... I don't know never been to one before... feel like they'd judge me.
DD finished her A levels today and is planning a party this evening - lots of very unsober 18 year olds coming up... she and her friend just came back and fridge is filling with drink... perhaps some of them will misbehave, vomit and make me remember why I stopped... me DP and DS will go out for dinner later and leave them to it for a while - probably an Asian run place so no alcohol

I think whoever mentioned sunshine is right - but then long winter nights tempt me too but more to red wine then.

You'd think after 8 years I'd have more sense

Oh well off to pour myself a glass of anis syrup and water and pretend its ouzo

8 years is amazing OP, you should be very proud of yourself. Hang on in there. Hopefully, the cravings will pass. Could you get a bottle of schleor and drink it of a wine glass? As a previous poster said, you will feel far worse and most likely full of regret tomorrow if you do drink.

@cottonwoolbrain - well done on 8 years - you are amazing! The most I’ve ever managed is 7 months and I know the “I just want a drink” feeling so so well.

For me, it’s tied up with feelings of wanting to be “normal” and just sit in the sun with wine/G&T like everyone else. Then I remind myself that I’m not like everyone else as they won’t go on a 3 day bender and vomit over themselves.

Someone upthread mentioned ginger - I find these drinks really hit the spot for me. Peach/ginger (with a sprinkle of cbd) - I love it with lots of ice and fresh lime in a lovely glass.

I hope the craving passes soon. 💐

Now drinking lime and soda and eating giant prawn cocktail wotsits. Living a charmed life here!!

Feeling a bit better

@Pippa246 I know exactly what you mean about wanting to be normal... but normal isn't getting up so ill the next day that you've either got loads of vomit in your hair or you can barely make it to the toilet then spend the whole day feeling shaky and sick and miserable...

Normal is not waking up at 3am and realising that someone else put you to bed and you need to strip your bed and remake your bed, rinse the sheets and have a shower

Not being able to count up the number of drinks you've had is not normal

I could go on. Not drinking has to be my normal because the alternative is horrid and that's what I keep having to remind myself

Do you know what @cottonwoolbrain ? I’ve never met you and I’m so incredibly proud of you right now. Not me, but have a close family member who is an alcoholic and I know the struggle they go through.

you are an amazing woman. Eat the wotsits, count the minutes. This too shall pass, and tomorrow is another day you can add to the days you have been sober 💐

@cottonwoolbrain - 100%. We need to normalise not drinking - millions of people don’t drink. I struggle to see myself as AF for life despite many many situations like you describe but in reality, I just shouldn’t drink. Stay strong 💪❤️

I'm many years in and still get cravings. It's everywhere around us, sadly, so we are exposed to it!

I just remember what I'd be giving up by giving in - it's not always easy, but I never want to go back to those days.
Also- sounds trite but simply getting out and having a walk or a run or whatever makes you happy.
You can do this!

It's 11.40pm - I've got 35 17 - 20 year olds rampaging about the house and someone was just sick on the kitchen floor... I'm stone cold sober and watching this lot have every desire to stay that way

Even my normally sociable dog looks a bit disapproving

So glad their A levels / first year uni exams are over. They're a good bunch of kids and they've worked really hard, they deserve a party

@PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister Thank you so much I really appreciate that

@Tortiemiaw thank you for saying that. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy being desperate for a drink after so long. I feel a bit less insane now you've told me that you feel the same.

Teens mainly gone. Found a few dotted about the house sleeping / gradually waking up so have just made them sandwiches and coffee.and in a couple of cases doled out paracetamol. A couple still asleep on spare room floor and I don't have the heart to wake them.

Most of them l look pretty pale .. very happy now I didn't give in.

Have a lovely day today @cottonwoolbrain 😊

All the best for you...stay strong!

Thank you. Today was a good day... I'm rounding it off with a bottle of AF cider and very nice it is too.

We went to see Inside Out 2 - it was lovely after a very late night last night to sit in the dark in an air conditioned cinema and do nothing except watch a film and drink diet coke. Nobody asked for anything and nobody expected me to do anything - and neither was I expected to follow a complicated story line. @Toooldtocareanymore You were absolutely right going to the cinema was a good idea.

Well done!
im coming up 11 years, and some days, very few and far between now, but still there, you just have to white knuckle it!
not worth the risk xxx