Risky behaviour when drunk

[Amberpup9]

It's taken me a while but I'm ready to consider that alcohol is a problem for me and I want to stop drinking. I've tried and failed more times than I can count.

I binge drink anything between 2 to 4 times a week. Usually around 1 and a half bottles of wine, sometimes more.

An incident last week scared me. I'm on medication for depression. My mood is often low and I've been having intrusive thoughts. In the early hours, whilst very drunk, I took myself off for a very long walk via a very high bridge. I sat on it for a while wondering what'd happen if I just jumped. After a while I went and sat in a park and eventually went home.

I can't put myself in that situation again. It's stupid. I have a family who love me. Alcohol has to go. Does AA help? I'm not sure I can do this by myself. Thanks.

Firstly well done for admitting to yourself that you need help.

call your GP tomorrow and tell them everything you’ve said here. If the receptionist tells you there’s no appointments etc let them know it’s an urgent mental health matter and you need a call back.

Do a google search of your nearest AA meetings and get to one asap. You may feel nervous but i promise you, you will be welcomed warmly.

Being on medication for depression and drinking is a recipe for disaster and no wonder you’re feeling so low.

Things can and will get better. Thinking of you.

Thanks @DaisyChain505 I think I've finally reached my lowest point. I really need to make changes or I may act on my thoughts whilst drinking.

I might have to attend online meetings. Do you know if the camera needs to be on? I'm so nervous.

Another question, is it all based on religion? I'm an atheist, so that might not suit me if it is. Thank you.

You've already taken the 1st & most important step.... you've come to the conclusion yourself, that alcohol is negatively impacting your life & you want to do something about it. Thats huge! 👏

There are loads of alcohol support groups these days. I used a service called turning point.
Many online as well as in person.
Have a Google, most are self referral so you don't need the GP to do it. But I would suggest you book an app to, as it would be a good idea to get bloods taken etc.
I won't discourage anyone from AA as they have their place but just wanted you to know there's many options that aren't reglious or based on outdated scientific evidence.
There's also a tonne of fantastic people on the alcohol support pages, I am mostly a lurker & thats totally OK!
Trust me, there's nothing that will be judged.
We often hide in shame. There's no shame here.
I'm on day 77 now & I can wholehearlty say its the best (not always easiest) decision I have ever made!
Sending love!

Thank you @Manchestermummax3 for taking the time to reply. I'll use Google to have a look at support available.

Well done on 77 days, that's a huge achievement 👏

I'm somewhat overwhelmed at the moment. Getting my life straight feels like an insurmountable challenge. Posting here and seeking advice is a great help.

I feel a huge amount of shame and utterly embarrassed about where my life is at the moment.

Baby steps. One problem at a time, one day at a time.

And be kind to yourself. Look in the mirror and tell yourself everyday that you love yourself and you are worthy of being happy and healthy.

Honestly, it gets so much better. There is a whole new wonderful life on the other side.

It's worth giving an online AA meeting a try - no you don't have to have your video on and you don't have to say anything if you don't want to. If that doesn't work for you though, don't be put off or give up.

There are also lots of other options out there. AA does tend to attract people who are looking for structure and a degree of a programme to quitting drinking. That isn't for everyone (it wasn't for me). There is also SMART recovery and Bee Sober. Bee Sober in particular probably attracts more binge drinkers than people who necessarily would say they are an 'alcoholic'.

You also don't 'have' to go via your GP if that's a barrier for you. I have never spoken to my GP about my drinking and I've been very well supported. I think it would have taken me longer to get help if I felt the only way was through the NHS.

Truly though, it's so much better on the other side. You can do it. Lots of us have. But do reach out for support and talk to other people in the same boat. I think it really is what people say, find someone who has what you want, ask them how they got where you want to be and try doing what they did.

Oh @Amberpup9 I can hear the desperation in your post 😢
Agree with the advice already given about seeing the GP. There’s a really good podcast that covers AA’s approach for people who don’t believe in God and how ‘God’ can actually be something that you feel accountable to whether it’s a person, a belief or something else. It’s called ‘fucking sober - the first 90 days’ series 1. It’s well worth a listen if you are able.
Do you have any real life support? I’m the OP on one of the threads here, but it’s not a completely dry thread and one of those sound better for your circumstances. If you scroll through alcohol support you’ll find one, there are people on these boards with so much experience and advice and you sometimes get a better response posting on an existing thread, as opposed to starting your own thread.
Wishing you the best of luck.

Hi @mindutopia thanks for the advice. I'm going to check out those services you've recommended.

Going via my GP is a barrier for me. I'm really worried about being judged. I have children that really need me, that should be all the motivation I need.

Thanks again for taking the time to help.

There are two out and proud atheists in my AA group including me - one is 12 years sober, I am 10 years so in my experience if you are desperate enough there's ways to make it work!

I 'parked' the whole concept for a few months and just focussed on the other tools / stuff until I felt ready to have a look at my interpretation of the word 'god' which is used as a shorthand for an infinite number of versions

@AFmammaG I really appreciate you responding to my post.

I'm having therapy currently. My therapist is aware I drink too much, but not of the extent or of the stupid things I do when I've been drinking. I'm very good at putting on an act and pretending everything is fine. In reality, I'm only just surviving.

I'll definitely listen to the podcast thanks for the recommendation. I'll take some time to read through other posts too.

I'll think further about seeing my GP. That's hard. On the outside I'm a hardworking, dedicated mum. It's hard to let anyone in to see the truth.

Hi @FusionChefGeoff

That's really reassuring to hear, thank you. I've a lot of research to do to try and see what support will suit me best. I was drawn to AA due to the online meetings at a variety of times. Thanks again.

Hi there OP,

I'm really glad you posted. You do sound in a low place at the moment, but that's temporary.

Couple of things I would advise:

1: be totally open with your therapist. Explain your recent episode in the same way you've posted it here. Write it down and hand it to them if you need to. They can't help you if they don't know.

2: don't worry about that 'what ifs' in terms of AA and support networks. You need help right now, and whatever option you choose first doesn't have to be a perfect fit. You can take something from it, and it will be filled with people from all walks of life who've had problems they've 'solved' with alcohol.

We all start this journey thinking our problems are different, our experiences are unique, we love this or that, if only X or Y. Spending time listening to others with drinking problems, whether AA or another, helps you find you're not alone - and can prepare you to get to the root of what's really causing the issues.

. Your episode was scary. Don't ignore it.

Please keep posting and lots of love to you - you're not alone xxx.

@NextPhaseOfLife thank you for your very kind words. I'm so glad I posted, I've had nothing but positive support and useful advice.

What you said about just getting support quickly makes a lot of sense. I'm going to aim to find something today.

I am going to explain what happened to my therapist. Hopefully he can suggest some services that may help too.

Right now I'm incredibly angry with myself for risking my health and safety. I'm very determined to turn this around.

Thanks again.

Ah, OP, don't be angry - be glad you've had this opportunity to use it as your turning point 💕

Keep posting - there are some other continuous threads you might want to join too - we are rooting for you xx

I think I may have drunk far more than I should when my children were younger.
It never got me in any trouble but I felt it help me cope, of course it didn’t it just made me feel like shit.

There is an excellent supplement called NAC, it’s perfectly OK with all other medication and is proven to help with addictions, it’s actually used a lot in America but is little known here.
It can even help with cocaine addiction!
I take it regularly as it’s good for liver and lung health as well as many other things.
In the US it’s used in drip form after overdoses and alcoholic poisoning.
It’s inexpensive and easy to find.
I know it sounds too good to be true but do your own research.
It may just make it a bit easier.
God luck.

@Sago1 thank you for this suggestion. I'll do some reading up on that.

I agree with what you've said about drinking as a parent. I drink to relax but ultimately feel so much worse. My children deserve so much better. I'm confident that I'm a good mum, but I know if I could knock drinking on the head, I'd be so much better.

Thanks for your advice 👍

The alcohol experiment works for me. It's free online and daily videos keep me motivated and mindful of what I'm doing. Might be worth a try?

Thought I'd keep posting. Your replies were incredibly helpful.

So, I've not managed to stop yet, I have slightly cut down though. My mood is better generally.

You'll see from my previous posts that I've struggled with self-harm. I've reduced this massively. I know I've a lot to do, but it's a step in the right direction and I feel optimistic. My issues feel overwhelming, so I'll take any progress as a positive step.

To all of you on your own journey, I wish you every success!

Hi there @Amberpup9

Lovely to hear from you and a great update.

I'm so glad you're feeling a little better.

How are you getting on with your therapist - have you felt able to be more open?

It won’t all happen over night and it’s bound to feel over whelming, so you’re right it is about baby steps and small changes.

Good luck and remember you deserve to be happy and healthy.

Morning @DaisyChain505 @NextPhaseOfLife

The therapy is helping a lot! It was very hard initially, but now it's providing me with lots of insight into my thoughts, feelings and behaviours. I'm much kinder to myself as a result.

@Amberpup9 the difference in tone of your latest posts is amazing, really noticeable. Whatever it is you're doing, it seems to be working.