Cravings

[entervalidusername]

I've not had an alcoholic drink in a year and a half. My cravings are getting so strong again.
I stopped drinking 1/1/23 and it's the longest I've gone without alcohol.
Before that I was a functioning alcoholic.
Daily drinking starting from the morning right through until I went to bed (sometimes I didn't even go to bed for 48 hours.
Why am I craving after all this time?
I will say I've lost myself since I stopped drinking. I don't go out, I don't listen to music I've also stopped seeing friends because I don't feel strong enough to be around alcohol.
I'm now boring and stay indoors all the time.
I miss alcohol so much

What was your motivation to stop?

Are you in AA? They have loads of meetings online. Also, speak to your GP because they will be able to refer you to local organisations which will also provide support. You need to join a club or group where drinking is not the main object of meeting up. You could start by taking up exercise - a gym, a walking group. I know how you feel - a relative who is in AA organised a birthday lunch for herself and two friends and then didn’t attend because she realised there would be a lot of drinking. Not everyone drinks - most of our friends have given up. Best wishes

Hi OP,

Massive well done being alcohol-free.

What support have you had throughout it? Sounds like you could do with some sober companions. Can you reach out to one of the groups?

It’s fab that you’ve been sober going on a year and a half now. That’s wonderful and a real achievement!

It sounds like though that you’ve removed alcohol but you haven’t filled your life with anything else. So there is a vacuum where a happy, full life should be.

What did you love when you were a child? What did you used to do that you gave up when you started drinking all the time? Find ways to bring that back into your life.

When I got sober, I booked a flight to do a long distance walk over 7 days that I’d wanted to do. I spent those first 5 months training. I started some new activities. I started to re-learn a language I used to speak. I made sober friends. I also did things socially that didn’t have to involve alcohol. Could you meet friends for a coffee or a walk or a swim or to go to the cinema?

What if you invited people to yours and said you aren’t drinking but you’ll have lots of AF drinks? Would they happily come or would they be dicks about it? I think that will tell you if you need new friends!

The key really is packing your life full of new things (and people) so that life is more exciting without alcohol.

Sounds to me like you're still white knuckling it and feel like you've given up and lost something.
You've dealt with the physical addiction but not the emotional aspect.
Read up on post acute withdrawal syndrome, alcohol explained by William Porter is an excellent book.
If you can overcome the thoughts that alcohol actually adds any value to your life you will feel so free. Honestly read the science about how it affects your brain and thoughts.

I agree with what's said above - you've done magnificently to boot the booze out, you bloody champion! And in early sobriety, that's enough to focus on - but as time goes on, you need to fill the time and focus with something else instead. I know this because it's a mistake that's done for me in the past!

It does sound like you've got isolated, and I understand - it's infuriating and boring how so much of UK social life goes hand-in-hand with booze. Maybe you can look for a hobby or group or class so there's something else to focus on, and have to drive home after so you can't drink when the inevitable few blithe souls suggest popping to the pub?

But you'll have your own ideas. I think it's actually a good and necessary stage in longer term sobriety, moving forward from the white knuckling and starting to really live free of alcohol. Maybe the craving is telling you something? That this is where you get to choose - to go forward into new life territory instead of back to the same old patterns?

Good luck with it!

@entervalidusername - well done on your sobriety thus far which is a huge achievement 🏆

I’m only 25 days sober after hundreds of day 1s. But I can empathise with you as this time feels different for me - I think it is truly the first time I am really committed to giving up completely. I don’t want to go out and I don’t want to go on holiday other than short city breaks with my DH where I am not surrounded by drinking. I don’t want to socialise with our best friends as they are big drinkers. So I am isolating myself a bit.

DH wants me to get my drinking under control but not necessarily to stop completely. I can already feel him pulling me to going out and having a few glasses of wine in the sunshine as he enjoys us doing that. It’s so hard.

I would echo what others have said - it sounds like you’ve taken a behaviourist approach to stopping drinking rather than truly not wanting to drink.

So you’ve stopped the behaviour but not addressed why drinking “adds to your life” ie why you feel you want to drink. Personally I don’t think AA really helps here as it is a behavioural approach - just don’t drink and all will be fine. We know it’s not that simple! There are other sober groups that focus more on understanding why we drink harmfully and on creating a fulfilling life without alcohol in it.

I recommend the Huberman lab podcast / he is a neuroscientist and explains what alcohol does to the body and brain - I’m listening to the same podcast on a weekly basis as it really reinforces just what a terrible poison alcohol is to us.

I’m also working through the Anna Charles 90 days later podcasts - she goes on about helping “high achievers” get control over their drinking (Chablis!!) and clearly states she is not aiming the podcasts at alcoholics but I just ignore those bits (a problem drinker is a problem drinker in my book whether it is Chablis or super lager) because there are some good ways of reframing drinking on the podcasts.

These podcasts have really helped me reframe being AF as a choice I am making and focussing on what I am gaining rather than what I am giving up. I’m looking up at 60 years of age and I don’t want to have alcohol related health issues. I want to be fitter and not be overweight. I want my blood pressure to be normal. I want to be free from constant heartburn. I want to be able to exercise and eat well without nursing a hangover. I want to sleep well and be free from anxiety. Alcohol takes ALL of those things away from me.

Sorry this has turned into a bit of a saga lol. But I hope you can see that drinking again will just rob you of so many positives.

Can you maybe start planning some social activities that don’t revolve around alcohol (although it’s difficult as it’s everywhere) such as afternoon trip to the cinema or theatre? People will still be drinking but it’s not as bad as going in the evening. Do you go to the gym - maybe take some classes? I’ve got into yoga-type things and am finding them so helpful as I really want to treat my body well after a class.

Please just keep reading the threads on here too from people who are really suffering because of their drinking. You’ve come soooo far - time to move on to the next chapter of your journey and to really leave the booze monster behind. Good luck 💐