I messed up so bad!

[Missguidedsmiles]

Long story short-

I always had a really bad relationship with my Dad. He left when I was 1 and I never really saw him until I was about 10. I am now in my late 20s and have had a really bad on and off relationship with him since. He is an alcoholic and dating a woman 3 years older then me. Everyone has their own life choices..
I hadn't spoken to him in a few years until he text me on my birthday wishing me a happy birthday and telling me that he knows I hate him for what he's done...

Stupidly drunk I called him talking in a stupid acsent telling him how he's a shitty dad ect. Of which I don't remember as I was severely drunk. He told me to forget it and he never wants to talk to me again.. which I find ironic after I've had a good few drunk horrible texts and calls from him in my life. This made me very upset.

My boyfriend who I was with at the time on the way to pick up our baby from my boyfriends mums house (who had baby all day so we could go out).
We got to her house and I walked out of his mums house in HER shoes to go to buy cigarettes (which I had quit smoking) then they drove around trying to find me worried (10pm at night) they found me and shouted at me telling me to get in the car and I come out with this "at least your dad didn't try to rape you at 3 years old". I was drunk out of my head. Unremembering my responsibility as a parent what I said was a lie. My dad never did this. I was so drunk I didn't even know what I was doing or saying. I got into a huge argument with his mum and ended up crying my eyes out. I feel so disgusted at myself for lieing especially to my boyfriends mum!! Saying this!!! It's been 3 days and she says that she's forgiven and forgotten but I can't stop being guilty, disgusted and hating myself! She's either going to think I'm a huge liar or think I'm deluded! I haven't been able to face her since. I brought her flowers to apologise but have been keeping my distance. I've been reading the Bible every day since. And repenting to my sins. I can't even sleep knowing what I've done. I was clearly upset with my dad but this is too far. I'm so lost and feel I don't deserve anything in life now. Its the worst thing I've ever done. I'm never drinking again! As a Christian what do I do?
Please help me this is causing me severe mental breakdowns.

You can’t do anything more about what’s done. Beating yourself up about it isn’t helping anyone.

You’ve apologised to your mum, and she’s been understanding. It’s what you do going forward that’s important. The meaning of the Greek word used by Jesus in the Bible for “repent” means “be transformed” - so the question is: how do you need to change your life?

I don’t know if this is true for you, but a lot of these behaviours often come from a place of pain. Maybe that’s your relationship with your dad, maybe something else. Maybe you need to find someone to talk to about this.

Definitely have a look at your relationship with alcohol- is it taking more from your life than it’s adding?

And above, forgive yourself.

Christians believe in forgiveness.

Forgive yourself and stay away from alcohol would be my advice.

Go and see your GP get treatment for anxiety and a referral for counselling. You've not caused any real harm, it's a blip. Be relieved your Dad is out your life and move on.