Quitting drinking when you're "not that bad"

[AndBeyond]

Hello

I am looking for tips, maybe quit lit, people to follow on SM, or just books on wellbeing to help me find motivation to give up drinking.

I have read a few and follow people on IG etc, but a lot of their experiences don't reflect my own atm.

I am a former party girl, and do need to quit. But I don't get pissed, boke, pass out, get into dangerous situations or any of that (any more!). I am more likely to drink a bottle of wine once a week in front of Netflix and the most dangerous situation I've got myself into was buying fabletics leggings and then having to cancel the VIP thing the next day.

I've read The Sober Diaries and also Millie Gooch's book and liked both.

this was quite good - https://www.amazon.ca/We-Are-Luckiest-Surprising-Magic/dp/160868654X

Good luck to you!

Why do you want to give up?

Thanks @lifesrichpageant. I will have a look.

@TwilightSkies, a few reasons really.

I will be completely honest here - anonymous forum and all that! I have some good reasons and some a bit frivolous tbh

I have alcoholism on both sides of my family.

I've noticed I am someone who can hold their drink very well and not really get hangovers. I can drink a bottle of wine and work the next day with no issues. I think this may mean I have a natural propensity towards alcoholism.

Although I'm not a big drinker these days, I have had periods where I've been a party girl (mainly at university) and got up to all sorts. Ended up with a mediocre degree mark even though I'd got in to a very posh uni with my school results. Wasted opportunity really.

I also am not someone who wants the odd small glass of wine - I want at least two or three large ones, and that is just a night on my own in front of the TV.

I am also concerned about my looks tbh. I don't want to develop the face of someone who loves a drink 😬

I want the health benefits of being teetotal / sober.

Came across this thread because I'm thinking of doing the same... was out last night and regretting having drunk so much. Doesnr happen often but it did. Am early 50s and it's time to stop I think . Would you recommend those books?

If you want to, go for it, it's a fantastic decision for your physical and mental health.

Like most people, I started with This Naked Mind. I loved Bryony Gordon's Rock Bottom and Catherine Greys Unexpected joy of being sober.

I'll check them out! Thank you. Feels like the right decision

Yes, definitely- Especially the Millie Gooch one.

@HangingOver has just reminded me that I've also read This Naked Mind which was another good one

AA talk about the 'gift of desperation'. What is meant by this is that it is not until people hit rock bottom and get to a desperate place that they are able and willing to do what it takes to quit. Before reaching this point heavy drinkers are under the illusion that this will be easy to do but in reality it can be hard.

Yes, that makes sense @youngones1. I saw it with family members. By the time one of them quit and went to AA regularly, the damage was sadly done and she died about a month later 😔

@AndBeyond I can really relate to your post .. I went to one drink a week when I read gwyneth did that and then eventually just stopped that too but wanted to keep that there in case there was pressure to raise a glass for special occasions ( I've since realised there is no pressure to make the glass raised alcoholic). I'm in my 50s and cannot believe the difference has made . I've got glowing skin, have dropped at least a dress size and have all this energy and time .. my only regret was that I didn't do it earlier. I never had a head in the hands oh my gosh moment but more a slow realisation that my best party nights were behind me and a slow shift towards sobriety.. I still have a great time and am probably more confident now than I was before. I'm sorry for going on but I just can't believe how life changing it has been when I wasn't drinking huge amounts anyway .. weekends and even then couldn't drink that much as I get the worst hangovers.

Please don't apologise for that post! I find that so encouraging and relatable. Thank you so much

doubleshotcappuccino

How much did you drink in a week before going to 1 drink a week?

I drink 1.5 bottles of wine over 3 to 4 days and I am trying to cut back. I enjoy the taste of wine and really look forward to it.

Try a month sober and see how you feel. Easier to give up if you know it's only for a short period. And you might then decide to extend it because you feel so good and can really see the benefits of being sober outweigh drinking.

Thank you @AndBeyond ! @user1471554720 I used to drink at the weekends .. Friday night might have 2/3 drinks and perhaps the same or less on Saturday .. that was it .. holidays obviously perhaps more . For me the thought that I could have one drink a week was the safety mat I needed but as soon as I saw the change in skin and weight I got greedy to keep that !!! I wish it was deeper than that and I think the energy increase has been great . Also - I thought I was getting menopausal sleep disturbances but I sleep like a baby now .. weirdly even work days I didn't drink weren't that great for sleep ..

I usually drink 1.5 bottles of wine over a weekend . Some would argue its normal but on some Fridays I don't drink at all because of park run the next morning and it feels great. I think it's too much for me. Also the hangxiety is getting a lot worse. Really doing a lot of thinking today!

I'm calling today Day 1

@WhenWillTheHolidaysEnd2 you've just given yourself the biggest gift of peace of mind xxxxx

Hi OP, I relate to your post.

I was never dependent, never reached any kind of rock bottom, never NEEDED to go sober, never related to AA.... but always felt I drank a bit too much. Never enough to be a catastrophe but still a bit too much.

I read an article this morning that narrated the drank too much - ended up in various dangerous situations - went to AA - sobriety is the best thing ever.

I know that works for some, but that story arc turns so many others off too. They think (as I did) 'that's not me so it must mean I don't have a problem ... but why does it all feel so hard?'

I believe it doesn't really have much to do with the quantity. It comes down to how each person feels about their drinking and the results they're getting in their lives.

I have a podcast called 90 Days Later. It contains all the topics I learned. I'm happy to take requests, too, if there's a subject I haven't covered that you want to learn how to navigate!!

How's it going OP and others on this thread trying to give up?

I'm really tempted to. Early 40s, two older kids, alcoholism on both sides of my family. I am a classic binge drinker. Can go a week or two with nothing. Then randomly consume a bottle of wine, or slightly more, of an evening at home with dh. Feel like death the next day - headache, diarrhoea, and lethargy. If I've been out with friends for a special occasion then it feels like it was worth it. But not just at home watching Netflix and messing about on social media.

The self-loathing the next day just isn't worth it for me any more. I hate that I've wasted the following day with extreme tiredness and got nothing done. I need to lose weight as BMI is 28 or so, and my clothes are tight around the middle. I know if I went sober I'd reap the physical and mental benefits, it just seems like it's so ingrained in my life. Everyone I know drinks regularly. DH drinks most nights. My Sister is a functioning alcoholic and whenever we meet for birthdays etc we have to have booze. I've done 80 days sober a few years ago and was just starting to feel like I didn't miss it/cravings had stopped, when Covid hit.

If I could afford it, I think I'd try hypnotherapy...

It’s never too late to stop drinking. People take their bodies health for granted until it suddenly fails. Because they have never known anything other than feeling well. Alcohol can creep up on you. You will be kicking yourself with regret in future if one day you are in the position where your abdomen bloats and you have ascites (fluid build up) from cirrhosis or some type of gastrointestinal cancer. It’s really really frightening and your body will feel unwell in ways you can’t imagine at present. Your health is the most valuable thing you have, without it nothing matters. Money is irrelevant if you don’t have the health and life to enjoy it. View it as a poison, knowing that every time you drink you are poisoning yourself.

OP I might have written your post a few years ago. I haven't had a drink in 3.5 years. Was at a wedding recently and decided to toast with champagne and it made me feel ill. It has been an interesting process. Several friends and family members have also decided to stop, independently of me. This has been helpful. In my case I had to stop altogether because I was always rationalising my non-problem drinking! Good luck.

@lifesrichpageant wow, 3.5 years is amazing. What did you find helped the most?

@3CustardCreams thank you. Yes, I'm telling my children it's a poison. It makes me feel so unwell the next day. Just can't seem to give it up 😢